I Am A Monster

My sternocleidomastoid hurts.



And it hurts when I do this:



And when someone does this:



And when he does that:



And when she sticks it on my neck:



And sometimes when I do this:



I dont know why Im experiencing this pain but Ive successfully asked an unreliable source, The Interwebs.

I should apparently stretch it out. However while thinking about this I wondered if it was related to any dental problems. People do not take care of their teeth. I know Im not obsessively taking care of mine but at least I am aware of the importance of teeth so that makes me smarter than most. So people. Please floss your teeth and brush your tongue and gargle and try not to eat popcorn on the regular. I can't tell you how miserable youre making my life when all I smell is your tarter. Luckily, I havent smelled it from you all, but I have from strangers, on the bus. OF COURSE.

So Im supposed to stretch it out.
Like this:



And like this:



And like this:



And like this:



But not allowed to do anything like this:






Hopefully Ill figure it out.
But in the meantime, Ill just have to keep researching.



Oh yeah!
My old pal Jason Voorhees, whoa not this Jason Voorhees:



or this Jason Voorhees:



But this Jason Voorhees is now a man baby.





BEEP BEEP!!!