Monday, July 26, 2010

Grossly Exciting Events At This July's End

Summer continues to dip its toes and teases the shit out of us.
But we're ok with that. This week will be a steady mid 80s which means Gary Numan will be on heavy rotation at home, shit tons of iced maté and fudgsicles, and an occasional dip into a questionable lake. Fecal matters BE DAMNED!

On the topic of being damned, I feel like my beet leaves have been damned. Our backyard has been heavily conquered by flies, mainly because HERB, our once sad house guest (DOG) used to shit EVERYWHERE and no one would pick up. That is not in my job description. Well, sadly, and gladly, Herb is gone but the flies have stuck around. A month ago, I noticed that my beet leaves were leaving weird windy trails. WHAT THE SHIT? Then shortly after discovered these.


Oh GAD Im getting the chills already. Ever since I saw maggots LIVE, I become grossly disgusted and fantasized by their metamorphasis. Ill think about it for a mere 3 seconds until the chills run out my body. Sick and awesome. THANKS SCIENCE.

Anyway, I was sick of them. The flies. So sick of them I went out and bought a fly trap. No, its not the horrendously gross sticky ribbon traps, THIS trap would allow the fly[ies] to choose of they want to die. Flies smell pungent odor (from bag filled sucrose, yeast and other smelly things), flies fly into funnel, flies decide to drink shit tons of the pungent drink and get drunk and drown. THEIR CHOICE. In no way have I written a sign that would MAKE them fly in there. THEIR CHOICE.
And guess what, its working. The dumb stupid idiot flies are flying in there, even after seeing all their dead pals, theyre flying in and drinking to oblivion. Do I care? Absolutely not. I wish I could say Im happy they were happy when they died but guess what flies I HATE YOUR FUCKING UGLY GUTS.

And in more pleasant and lovely news, Kim Gold had a birthday. And we had a nice time.

* * *

The races will soon come to an end with 3 remaining races after yesterdays short stint in Kent. It was all sun and all frustrations with tempermental forks, multiple flat tires on the same tire, breaking rings and just not running. Lots of things happened in THE PIT. I even helped! It was exciting and scary as I thought Id get yelled at for being in the way. BUT I HELPED replace Travis' number on Phils forks that were swapped out in probably LESS THAN 6 MINUTES. I swear I had never seen 4 people work so quickly. Me included! A girl! HA!

Whats that Phil?! What the shit did your curse bring this time?


NerdSpeed's Plan B looked HAWT but refused to start. Good thing we brought the LOMOS. Good thing he actually made it the races this time! FINALLY!



SEE?! (please disregard that dumb scooter)


Our dear bus, pumpin the shit out of power as best she can. I hope she makes it to the next races because being on the bus is something pretty dingdang close to magic.




Tuesday, July 20, 2010

And Thats That

I think my initial excitement grew from news that my new friend MAGGIE was coming to our rally. She's so swell she slept on my kitchen floor. AW GRRRRL!

Then HOLY BOOGEEBALLS, the LANDSQUIDS finally registered and I fainted.
Ever since I met Sara Squid, my heart grew a tiny heart boob that beats excitedly but makes me faint, upon hearing news of her return to my arms.

Here's the Squids Saturday morning. Tired and blind from all the fart, body odor and mouth breathers.

And here they are fearing our great Mounds of Fun. They needed a major headstart to tackle our Mounds of Fun. I felt a bit bad, since I knew our entire weekend would be riding round and round our voluptuous mounds. Riding and leading made me feel like I was winning like I was faster than those usually super fast Squids but thats mainly because Dr. Nazaroff made some outrageously powerful mega motor mounts (as they looked like cottage cheese the morning of the first day of the rally).

We were the first to arrive (late) for breakfast and won free burritos by reinacting the cooks favorite scenes from the hit Bette Midler movie Beaches. We sat in silence and chewed lightly and swallowed monsterously.

Then I met a cute shitzu/terrier. He wanted to jump inside my pouch.

Then all of a sudden everyone appeared.

And we left for an exciting ride through the northern regions of Seattle called The Suburbs.

Many of us had problems with our internal plumbing and couldnt shit if we tried.
Many of us also got headaches from hording all these toxins in our lower bods.
Here is what it felt like. I too felt the same.

After our ride thru the suburbs, we met under a tree where we ate very well and gazed upon this.

And that.

And continued to lounge and soak in the more peaceful spirit of the rally.

Oh HAY SmashDick!

The next day, we left for the most amazing ride down the southern regions of Seattle known as South Siiiiiiiide.

I wish I took more photos of the actual ride as there were outrageous amounts of heavenly mounds and sparkles from the bay but, I was more desperate to finish the 50 mile ride as half of the ride was the ride I broke down on. I was also very hungover and broken brained so I did not entirely trust myself to take photos while riding. Well, that and because I rode in the fast pack for the first time ever. The total focus on the road and the wind and the steady vibrations from Otto put me into a trance and helped me zoom in on the happenings in my life, where I am in the world, who I am currently, where my devotions lay and understand this lifes heartaches. This was my first time planning and hosting a rally and I had very little warning of what to expect. I knew a little more people than I knew last year but still, I felt a little out of my element and wish someone could have held my hand and told me to breathe and to say FUCK IT. I dont find such act childish, but totally human. I thought of my favorite faces, the Bouchers, Maggie and the Landsquids, and the excitement came back. See!?

There was no better way to end my first Mosquito Fleet rally than by spending it in tear filled laughter with my most cherished moped gang and DOMINOS. AAAAAAAAAAH DOI!

Dominos boxes were laying there waiting to be touched. So we burned the shit out of it and made smores. Sure its illegal and totally bad for the environment but HOT DIGGETY DOG it was the Squids last night. They do what they want.

I love you Squids. You slapped the happy in me.

My Fangs