Friday, January 22, 2010

Things I Think Are Neat

1. Chip when he was borned

2. Bubble gum

3. Most things in biodomes

4. The magic of fire

5. Kart Bust as a baby

6. Evil twin day

7. Most video games (but not the ones that make me feel barfy)

8. Gliding

9. Fans

10. Proper use of rulers

11. Tongs

12. The Harp

Monday, January 18, 2010

Bitter Sweat I Mean Sweet

Thanks to you it was a most excellent birthday.
I mean it. You sacrificed your health levels to celebrate with me!
I hope you are still experiencing the soreness of go-kart funnery, like I am, so youre reminded and dying to go again in a murdering spree kind of way.
And it was tiringly enjoyable introducing korn fud to most of you but I would do it again and again.
And a very smelly dance party only to make it more memorable.
Oh wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Thank ye thank ye I am such a lucky lucky gal.

In more rotten news, someone stole my debit card info and milked my monies dry.
The teets were tiny but they still managed to take everything down to the last drop.
Thankfully, the bank will be covering those funds but I still feel violated but in a not so sexy way. So, violated and frustrated? TOTALLE. Truly Powerless? NEVER!

And in more wilder news, I could be going to Haiti. WORKWHOSHALLNOTBENAMED has a solid working relationship with USAID (US Agency for International Development). Anyhewdles, WORKWHOSHALLNOTBENAMED has contacted the USAID Office of Infrastructure to offer our assistance. Getting a call from our HR guy to see if I have a valid passport made it even more legit. Who knows if and/or when Id leave but the opportunity is too outrageous (and wildly humbling, life-changing, maybe even epiphanous, if Im lucky) to pass up.

See you in 1.5!

Thursday, January 14, 2010


For the last 2 days Ive been feeling really terrible, mostly because of my birthday, which is today (if you havent sent your presents by now I suppose by this weekend will do SIGH).
I am getting old.
I fear becoming an old mom.
I fear losing hair.
I fear the lines in my hands.
I fear never getting rid of my fats.
I fear turning into a troll.

But everyone has been so sweet already, even since 10pm last night (NOT MY BULSDAY YET), and well, now I am not fearful of today. I am thankful and lucky to be alive.

PLUS someone at work is trying to haunt me.

KAG + JAG Im wearing you both on my ears.





Monday, January 11, 2010

Fuck This Shit

Im having a really crummy day.
But I will just say a few things.
I love learning card tricks.
I dont know many but I know one that Im very confident in.
I might film it tonight esp since I told Kristin I would.
My sister comes to visit in a few weeks. Then Janny too, in March.
This means a whole lotta retardedness in the near future. OH YOY.

Secondly, I think I love playing "Guess Who?"
Not the kids game where you go thru a monotonous process of elimination to guess who you are trying to guess (more fun when modified with nudie cards ie "Does she have dark areolas or light, as if blended into her tan skin?").
Something simplier like this.

Guess whos feet?

Cleaning/reorganizing/throwing out tons of shit and working on projects make me feel better.
I did that this weekend but got interrupted by Ralph Naddarr.

Im going go-karting for my birthday this weekend.
Ive never been. I hope I get whiplash and miss a week of work.
Heres the track its sooooo extreme.

I found the perfect portal.

Maybe a nice face mask will suck me out of this hole.

For your health, Jia.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Monday, January 4, 2010

Breathe In, Breathe Out And Let Us Begin

Christmas has come and gone and what a bummer.
If only I can get gifts like these (my sister's child's nail clippings) fortnightly.

I had interesting flights to Chicagross then back to Seattle aka SlugBarf, WA.
There are only 3 parts to this story.

Firstly, I found a giant and a castle.

The castle was not on the plane but the giant was and at 8 feet tall, he was gentle as the plane did not crash when he was denied peanuts or as most asian people call it "peenus."
Thats the end of the flight TO Chicagoatse.
It was cold and wet and Jan and Kurt got to meet my sister Ron aka Rhotato Salad aka Rhanasaurus Rex.

Secondly, the planes were all being dee-iced. How dee-groovy.

And thirdly, an elderly woman, only speaking Arabic, needed her insulin shot. She needed assistance with her injection and because she was unable to communicate clearly, she frightened the flight attendants. But I was not scared. Earlier, this funny smelling woman and I had an exchange. Not a spiritual exchange but an exchange. An airport employee had rolled her to our gate. She mumbled and mumbled and as the employee walked away from her and her wheelchair, she dropped all her things: jacket, shawl, bag. With her defeated hands in the air, I picked up her things and handed them to her. She explained, in Arabic, and I pitied her maybe 26%. I am assuming she was saying the following.

Life is hard you know. Youre a young, spunky, smart, bright, beautiful girl. I was like you once. But look at me now. Confined to a wheelchair. With a cell phone dangling around my neck. What a fool I must look like. And I dont know what that smell is. Someone packed my bags for me. Now please. Please be a dear and roll me to McDonalds.

I walked away as our gate had changed.

Moments later, she was rolled to gate H8.
That's "hate" for those who are unable to add letters to numbers.

I was about to board the hate plane as my seat had not been assigned and I was getting warm (blood at a simmer).
I started to panic. I took off one of my jackets.
I paced I sighed.

I watched groups 1-6 board the plane.
By now I was sweating and ready to scream.

And when there were only 7 people standing around, they called my name.
I was bumped to first class not because of my looks or because the flight was filled with families and they wanted to seat them together, but because it was Christmas night and American Airlines knew Travis was waiting for me impatiently or maybe a little patiently, dressed in his new leathers with flowers and baked Kettle chips.

So I boarded. And hot damn. Guess who was my seat neighbor!
She was already throwing a fit and the flight attendants were shouting DOES ANYONE KNOW ARABIC!!!. Apparently she had fallen face first. She was clearly overwhelmed and flustered. She needed her insulin shot and shouted MEDICINE MEDICINE. From our earlier encounter, I was able to identify her bag. From there she displayed on my chair (I was standing on the other side of the aisle) vials of insulin and needles. The flight attends were frantic. SOMEONE CALL THE COPS I CANT DEAL WITH THIS FOR 4 HOURS all while this woman was speaking to everyone in Arabic as if we all understood as if we were all nodding in unison. Poor woman.
The cops came eventually and escorted her out, promising a nights stay at the OHare Hilton, as it was already past her bedtime.

(Note: right photo is of alcohol swab + blood).

Immediately after she left, the flight attendants stripped the 2 seats (they were velcroed who knew!) and sprayed LYSOL everywhere WITH passengers sitting right behind.

I tried to keep happy thoughts in mind and not be annoyed and anxious.
Like how great it is that my sister and I are friends again.

And that you can bring your dog on the bus (in Seattle only as far as I know).

* * *

Mosquito Fleet needs a clubhouse.
I only wish it was here.

New years was the best.
I think the majority of Seattle enjoyed themselves in a chest beating sort of way.

Travis and I celebrated the first day of 2010 with hours and hours of lounging and Portal and Fable II and Castle Crashers and Domino's pizza. This is to wish us luck and success for this new year.

Then we celebrated new years again in the style of celebrating Ann's birthday.
We fondued the shit out of food and put our tiny Red to bed early as she was unable to stand. Happy birthday tomorrow Ann. Life without you would be a lot less exciting. And I actually mean that!

And in other news, we had our best game yet. 390 murdered!

This year I will finish many projects, move into a much bigger place with a yard and garage (I hope!), start running, ride in the Californe desert, learn how to not abuse money, travel more, read more, improve pranking skills, start thinking about dental hygiene school, and alert you earlier when Im bleeding. I do it for you, babe. Because I care.

My Fangs