Louder And Softer Closer And Dearer

Last year at this time I was on a mission to stop everything and to figure it all out on my own.
To get back to me and to remember who I was and why I was born into this planet, instead of questioning if I had outlived it.
It was the first time I had a break from working full time for 7 consecutive years.
My first vacation from a toxic, lifeless life.
And 8 months after the end of that life sent me to the west. One month in the motherland (Ill tell you this story someday). The rest of my months here. New land.
And just last year at this time I finally remembered all the things that made my heart beat faster and the make-up that I had long forgotten.



My dad pulling my sleigh in the middle of the street on the first day of a Chicago snow storm.


The magnolia tree in our backyard that Id climb.


My jewels, known to others as super bouncy balls.


How to twirl spaghetti.


My first heartache.


Hiding this


while wearing this


from the nuns and my mom.

Learning early.


Dream time.


Big girl adventures.


My inner world / outer world hypoth.



My power animal.


If only I had a camera when I was young. The images now would hover over and send me back to a more simple life and illuminate my next direction.
But at least I know now, my children will have one and theyll be able to remember everything and those everythings will help them realize the absolute greatness in them today. Fingers crossed.
But not really today. As they are still inside, hibernating.

I escaped my dying breath.
No more fear and no more worrying.
Life is a good thing and will only go forth.



KAG + JINZ I miss you in this life.