I know its been so long so very long but Ive been so busy. I suppose partial blame can go to something Kurtvl and I like to call OUR CHILDREANS. Its this thing, this thing called DRAGON QUEST IX. Id rather not explain because I just know youll judge. But its been my vice, since Trav's left, and since Ive been desperately looking for a new job. I ruled March THE MONTH I FINALLY LEFT MY HORRIBLE LIFE SUCKING JOB. And so far, after months and months of heartbreak, I finally got a delightful little email. Then shortly after, a wonderful interview. So now, I wait until Sunday. Sunday will determine the next chapter in my life and I am so very nervous.
But lets talk about other things. Oh and if you feel like your good luck vibes will help me then please vibe thru my brain. Vibe thru my brain like you mean it.
Also send some more vibes to my sister Rhan Weasley. She needs to get to Pasadena and without the green it'll be super difficult. And it truly is her destiny to get to Art Center. Here you can see Pansy, Rhotato Salad's daughter, making sure the cars are clear to her right. No Ron, dont go yet. Youre clear after the red truck.
Many things have happened, this bittersweet month.
Our family came together in New York for my grandfather's funeral late February.
I dont really know how to start. Or what to say. Except that I learned many things.
It was my first funeral. I wrote my first eulogy. I did not cry until I saw my grandmother smothered in hugs by her closest girlfriends. Some widowed, some never wed, some with dying partners. Everyone felt pain together. And to me it was a time where we could sit in sorrow and remember the ones we lost, the ones we will lose, the family we rarely get to hug, and the old friends we rarely get to see. I did not cry upon seeing my grandfather's body laying quietly. For that the only thing I was looking at and studying was his shell. The shell he lived in for 82 long years. I miss him still, but a big part of him is still in my make up. Maybe this is why I moved to Seattle. My grandfather was truly Mother Nature's son.
I mostly enjoyed my time with my sister.
Theres nothing like laughing at the same obscure things. Or making fun of your mother.
Here you can see our mom eating delicious pastries, delicious pastries she refused to share.
MOM. CAN I PLEEEEASE HAVE SOME? IVE BEEN DRIVING FOR 94 HOURS STRAIGHT!
It was a long drive to New York but the drive back was ridiculously fast. 13 hours! That MUST be a record. But boy was it sweet. And exhausting as Rhanasaurus Rex and I did ALL THE DRIVING while SOME people slept the whole way.
But like I said, it was so good to see the family I rarely get to see. Like my uncle, who looks like he's 25 but who's 10 years younger than my mom. Which would make him a million years old HA HA YOURE OLD MOM. Kidding. And my dad. Who is still drunk from the reception the night before. Bad Dad.
And my ENORMOUS cousins who can easily crush me. The were once so tiny and so annoying, now big enough to overturn a small car.
And THAT GUY WHO WONT STOP FOLLOWING ME.
AND ICE CREAM IN TEANECK, NJ!
AND me ready to put my sick all up in it! Yes I was horribly sick while in New York/New Jerjy. But not sick enough to infect my cousins and sister.
The korn fud in New Jersey (Palisades Park) is TO DIE FOR SRSLY.
It was my first real meal in a while since I had been sickzors for like 2 weeks it was the most amazing food I had ever jammed all up in my mouse.
It was also my first time in a funeral car parade. Is that what its called? I tried really hard to keep everyones spririts up. How grandpa made the sun come out that day and how he'd want us to enjoy it or make us move 8 tons of soil. Its true. He would.
Grandpa's shell buried in the truly beautiful Kensico Cemetery. Along with his shell are the shells of Anne Bancroft, Glinda the Good Witch, Henri Bendel, Rachmaninoff, and Ayn Rand (and many more). He's in good lively company Im sure.
* * *
I got back to Seattle and all I wanted was to go back to my parents house and watch my sister dance to a slowed down version of SINGLE LADIES. But I was home now and it was time to go back to work. But something had changed. I had this urgent feeling of breaking free and when I thought about it more it was this.
Then it made sense. I said it out loud a few times. Then the next morning as I was riding to work. And I couldnt stop saying it. I want so much life I want to suffocate in it. And so I began an even desperate attempt to find a new job. I stopped caring at work. I stopped listening to people at work. All I wanted was freedom. And I wanted to grow life everywhere. I wanted to grow life within my friends who felt the doldrums of this grey season. I wanted to light a fire everywhere and show people that you can live a life that you love the shit out of. That theres no fear. And that you can replant yourself over and over again. Then it happened. I got a job interview. A nanny job for an amazing family. The perfect outlet for my creative brain. And I totally nailed it. And as of today, a wonderful note from the mom. YOURE OUR LEADING CONTENDER! Just thinking about my new life has got me coddling my heart. NEW LIFE!
I find out Sunday.
But until then. Ill continue to see life in a new hue and live colorfully.
I have a happy home with good humor and good food.
I have good friends friends Im so happy to share life with.
And I have a wonderful boyfriend who will be home in a few days, and sooner than soon, will be living with under the same dome.
* * *
AND IN OTHER NEWS. I EXPERIENCED MY FIRST NIGHT TERROR.
I didnt realize what it was until I came home and saw Schraepfer Milton Bradley, my new roommate, researching more facts about severe cuts. He sliced off the tip of his thumb and has been whimpering in pain. THANKFULLY I have a high threshold of grossed outness that I was able to dress the wound 70 times. MOVING ON.
He quickly researched my hellish night and concluded that I experienced a NIGHT TERROR
And here it goes.
Last night, I laid in bed, late and exhausted. I couldnt sleep but I laid there, freezing. I clenched the blankets up to my face. Then after a while, I felt something strange. It was as if 2 small girls were pulling my hands wanting me to play. I remember loudly thinking NO, NO I HAVE TO SLEEP NOW. And they went away. Then a minute later, I felt cold hands and nails digging into my hands, trying to rip me out of bed. I couldnt move. My brain was telling me to move my finger into my mouth and bite down, to see if I was dreaming. And like when youre fully conscious yet unable to move, I desperately DESPERATELY tried to move my finger. And eventually I did. And I was awake. And no one was there.
My first night terror. And I did not scream. Im a little scared, still. But at least I know it wasnt a ghost. Or look anything like this.
Or make me do this in the shape of that.
Or look entirely like this.
But it made sense. Ive been under a lot of stress. And have been missing my sister and my boyfriend and my dear Janny and Kris. And Ive been desperately looking for a new job. So maybe it was the fear, trying to pull me in.
But now I know that I dont have anything to fear. Because spring will be here so soon.
And Ill have a new life. And Ill only hear laughing. But not clowns laughing because they freak me fuck out.