Monday, August 30, 2010

Oh The Merry Old Month Of Meeeeh

Guess what. This thing called SUMMER? Its OVER. WHAT THE HALE?! I know. Im shivering and clutching my coffee, making it really difficult to type. But really. Lets focus a little bit on whats going on right now.


Ready? Ok good.
We had a few hot days, 96 tops, but just a handful. My tomatoes are still mostly green. My peppers have now started to show off its nubs. And Im freezing. I didn’t get a chance to camp, nor go wave runnering (but that’s mainly my own fault).
Wait. What the shit is wrong with me. In the Midwest, and even in the East, people are choking on the heat, damning the bastard sun, and using the more immediate more lazy parts of their brains and finding everything irritable. They are. I know. I am full of facts.

And what else…

North Korea is still a miserable and mysterious dark hole.

I find visual progressions terribly neat.

Im working on getting thee old Chip back to life, back to reality.

I finally got the hang of living with roommates again. I think.

I finally succeeded in dying.

Im slowly finding the consumption of animals disgusting.

When left to a bit of unexpected freedom, exciting magical things are found. Which makes me wonder desperately, What else am I missing out on?
E V E R Y T H I N G.

The forthcoming bitter cold has gotten me thinking about what gloves to wear while riding.

And how much longer I have to wait for my tiny mini vacation to San Francisco.

Dear work, I need a break.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Thought Stewing

I recently finally finally saw Inception and was spectacularly blown away. I was! Should seen my hair! OUT OF CONTROL.
I will not go into much detail or gripe about things I found questionable but I will share one thing...

Had Ellen Page not been chosen to be the (very asexual) ingenue of this film, who would be most appropriate? I couldnt help but run a few favorite faces in my mind.

1. Oliver Platt

Witty, always charming and makes any labcoat fashionable, Oliver Platt would have been my number one choice. Here he is looking very charismatic.

2. Michael Keaton

I really dont need to explain. Except that he, like all architects, have no shame in picking their nose.

3. Zach Galifianakis

Again, needs no explanation. He is multi-faceted. I refuse to fight any naysayers.

4. Luis Guzman

To fulfil the "hispanic" quota. And also RAD NEAT COOL HOMBRE categories. And an homage to all those who appreciate his ART.

Oh boy. Can you even fathom this idea of dream invasion?
I mean, of course you can. But how often do you truly stew in the thought?

I usually stew like this

and like this

and like this

How do you usually stew?

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Eggactly How It Should Be

Look. I know Ive said it a million times but this time its for real.
Next year, I will race.
I think the more I think about it, the more I realize that this is Chip's destiny. To take the role of THE BLUE BLUR.
I have a shit ton to learn but I have always been ready for it.
I mean, just look at him. He was born to blow the panties off everyone.

Ok maybe not, but it can happen. It WILL.
And without modifying the body too much (which Id HATE to do), I would love to race it as is (aesthetically speaking).


Guess what?! I went camping this weekend. Kinda.
Did it involve a tent?
Did it involve a fire?
Did it involve slowly floating down a questionable river that was slow and secluded enough that all you could think about was Silence of the Lambs or Suspiria or Two Thousand Maniacs! and had cows nearby who could have kicked their shit into the water along with numerous dead bodies from crashing into the bridge?

It was race time again, at PATS ACRES and this time we brought our camping gear! FINALLY! But first, I just gotta say, The Douchers are the best. Theyve been coming out to the races to cheer (Travis), slowly grind on my leg (Amy), take us around town, send us away with donuts, and hug for long periods of time. I like them the most out of all the Cutters. Or just maybe Portland in general. Maggie is up there but I still dont really consider her one of them. She's in a more magical club and has proof. She has a locket with a dangling penis inside.

So, I noticed many things this weekend. REALLY important things.

First off Andrea loooooooooves donuts more than I thought she would.

Joe's skin repels tee shirts.

Smudge was made for his suit.

Miguel REALLY loves giving AYCHE JAYS.

Travis can fit into a small box or a large Bloomingdale's shopping bag.

Seattle has cooler leathers than Pyortorando.

Wayne really loves his new grill (even tho he has to keep moving his weiners (pl) around).

And dirt bikes take my breath away.

Travis' piston crumbled to bits.

You can read alllllll about it here!

Travis and Naz are always eggciting to watch.

So was Naz and some CHILD.

And Joe actually catching up to Travis.

And Phil catching up to Naz.

And the Great White Shepard "leading the way."

And some EGGCITING news...



Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Nature Is Hella Shaloming

Now where do I begin.
How about here.

That is my big toe.
I should really learn how to walk. Because if I knew how to walk, Id avoid hitting the sidewalk cracks and avoid cracking off half my toenail and suffering not only humiliation but tiny lightening bolts of pain.

That night we met with a pair of Travis' closest pals Katie and Akiva.
HOT DAWG! I cant tell you how great it was to see them again. And this time for more than just 3 hours. It was like 6 hours over a span of 2 days. THATS A RECORD!
My heart felt big upon seeing them then seeing Travis interact with his most favorite people. There are times when I step back and view and soak in everything happening. And these moments with Travis and his best friends have always left me very warm and happy. Also because Akiva could stick quarters in his eyeballs and how Katie says I TELL YOU WHAT and makes my ears perk up. If only she could add an H before her WHAT. Id be blown away. Also, I love Jews. I also love to sing them my favorite Hebrew song. Ive sung it to the now 4 new Jews Ive met in the last year. Jihee Kim Gold, Jewbees and Katie and Akiva. And Travis, who I thought was a Jew when I first saw his smirky face but he doesnt count because he's not a Jew. He's just a Chicago bred Jew magnet.


Hi! How are you?! I loooooove that eyebrow ring you just got. Im kidding. I dont. I hate it and want to rip it out when I see it. But really. I love nature. So does Travis. THANK GOD. Its nice that we have ONE thing in common. And that one thing is Mango flavored Hi-Chew. Study this image and go get yourself some and reread this entire blogge.

Actually, that isnt the only thing Travis and I have in common. After a year and a month, Ive discovered that we have as many things in common as we have new things to discover. Yes. Even after a dingdong year. EGGCITE.

So we went on our first mini tiny getaway to Denny Creek. The only things I know about this creek is that its nothing like Assassins Creek and it has a massive rock water slide. And with my generous and sweet roommate Caitlyn leaving me her car for the weekend while she was ho-downing in Nashville, we got the hell out of town.

AH! If only we were miniatures living in this world.


This little guy got KABOOMED by our good looks. Sorry!

Then we walked back along the creek and Travis challenged the creek to see who can make it the end of the creek faster. Well, you guessed it. HE LOST.

THEN THE JERK DISAPPEARED and as much as I could have gotten worried, I didnt. Then the second I questioned what could have happened, I heard a loud SPLOOSH into the rushing creek. UGH I KNEW HE DIDNT FALL IN. I knew he wouldnt have jumped in. I knew a bear wouldnt have knocked his head and threw him in the creek. GAD DAMMIT THAT JERK. Then down below, I saw 2 beady eyes. THAT JERK! Then that JERK proceeded to cross the creek LIKE THIS.

That jerk laughed and laughed thinking I believed that SPLOOSH was his bod in the creek. HOW DARE HE!

I got over it by eating a delicious nectarine but quickly had an allergic reaction because the world hates me. This happens when I eat certain raw vegetables and fruits during certain parts of the year. F THAT. But dont F this.


We stopped by Alpental where Travis showed me where he fought off a bear off some child then later became the President of tiny Switzerland for a day.

He promised PROMISED that we'd come back in the winter time to snowboard/ski. Ive only snowboarded once and it HURT THE SHIT OUT OF MY ASS.

Can you imagine it all covered in snow?! HOW FRIGHTENINGLY EXCITING!

Oh hello which way to the portal?!

It was a short and sweet little getaway and I cant wait til we actually find DENNY CREEK and trick Travis by faking my own death. Oh boy he's gonna git sooooo mad! OH SHIT HE READS THIS BLOG. But only when I pay him.


Im getting better and better, little by little. Some day, I will be the master veggie tamale maker. People will soon hook onto my ankles begging for tamale guidance.


Bye now!

My Fangs