Thursday, September 24, 2009

Blown to Bits, Clown

I may have slept for about an hour last night.
My lungs felt like they were being pumped by hand, tickled, then eventually slapped around and told that it was no good. Coughing excessively is a great way to firm abs but dear lord, give me a break!
At one point in the night all I heard in my mind was this...

and I stared into the mirror, as always, and I stared at my eyeballs and finally honed in my xray eyes to see my lungs my esoph my blood swirling around slowly and watched the air fluttering the fibers in my lungs.
Unfortunately, my xray eyeballs were not working well since I hadnt gotten any proper rest. This is actually something I do a lot. I supposed I'll incorporate this into my visual meditation and no, it doesnt scare the shit out of me, like it does for you.

Usually, the only other fun time to stare into the mirror is when I have consumed mushrooms of the magic variety. It is then when you will find me hosting my own talk show in the bathroom with my guests dust, dust, and dust. Perhaps one day you will join us.

Also, when I find my canvas bag with $ sign, Ill want to watch this on my ceiling but blown up 800%. With that money I could also probably afford a bed made of pudding, not a pudding bed, bed with pudding inside, dummy!

Hence, Blown to Bits, Ass Clown.

Also, I started this blogge, thats French for "blog", at 8am ish and have ended it at now, at 4.24pm.

Goddamn my life is hard.

Happy Birthday MOM.
I hope you like your dumb sweater and your dumb visa gift card.
The least you can do is accept my dumb love of riding fastish mopaaaaaaaads.

Getting Over It With Jihee!

Friday, September 18, 2009

On That Magical Tip

Lately, lately friends, lately, lately Ive been feeling on the more magical side.

And this makes me want to gallop all day all night.

Lets all close our eyes and lean back lay down and close your eyes.
Are you there too?

Ah life.

Also, peekaboo!

And more recently, for Tagan's bidet, we are going CLUBBING.
Now normally, we wouldnt.
But Im hoping one of us voms on a pack of dumb girls.
But what if all the girls looked like your brother?


Then I probs wouldnt voms.

But whatever.



for the prize!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Does It Wear Pants And Can It Hold a Job

What a weekend.
Everyone, everyone.
Firstly, you should know that I will never abandon this blogge (thats French for "Blog") for the Moped Army forums.
There are 7 things I hold sacred.

1. This blogge (that's French for "Blog")
2. The end of art
3. My Dr. Mario rank
4. Things between me and my nigger
5. Cryballing
6. The appreciation of things
7. Baked Ruffles

Im glad we got that out of the way.


I am still new to this new life this moped life and because so, I didnt mind my role as an observer at the secret Sacramentii moped rally "Moped Rally".

Lets start from the beginning.

A pleasant send off from a handful of these before our 16 hour ride.


And an aw inspired moment from the loudest in the fleet.

And so, we left Seattle in tears to journey to a new land of Californe.

On our way we picked up Uphill Battle Joe, Dance Magic Josiah, and "I packed 5 pairs of shoes" Em from Portland.

It was a nice and relaxing ride.
Many of us got catch up on the things we love.
I learned that the best I can do on BubbleBobble is leve 44 without dying.

Seth worked his brain to the bone while mastering the art of RPGin.

And Matt Smuth practiced his barf face, which later helped as his esophogus was jammed with mediocre pizza and bile.

Upon our arrival, Rosa and Nate (Chris Salmonson's stand in on for the West Coast) and their most amazing dog "Pearl" greeted us warmly. Rosa offered to take Natalie, Em and I to Target because thats what we do. We were so hungers that Rosa took us to what was later known as the best meal we had in Sacramentii. We had mexican, duh!
Natalie's platter could have also been used as a breast plate as it was, well, gargantuan.

We went on a ride later on and I got terribly lost. Was it intentional? Possibly. Ive noticed more and more that I do enjoy getting lost. I happen to be quite the Magellan, THANKS DAD. So I got lost, and ended up in what would seem like the scene in every movie that has a warehouse/freeway overpass/eerie lighting/a few scattered trees (to pose as something "safe") however the only movie I could come up with at the time was, of course, Terminator.

What happened was the ground shifted and placed me on a different course, putting me in the lead. I ended up at the finish line, staring at the country rock concert on the steps of the capitol building.

I wasnt sure if I was first, last, or dead.

That night we went the bar.
I give the bars in Sacramentii a big fat F.
I give liquor stores and gas stations that sell liquor a reliable A+.

I wasnt too keen on the idea of walking home alone as the night turned into a big fat Bro pit, so Matt Smuth, not in Mad Dog mode, yet, walked with me back to the house. He was having stomach problems or rather, like the aforementioned photo description, Matt Smoth's esophogus was jammed with terrible pizza and bile. He threw up 3 times while we walked home. Good boy.

The next day I noticed a storm a'brewin.
Wind was surely blowin up a gale.

We spent the morning with tasty coffee then shortly afterwards, I left to give Chip a visit. We havent really been spending quality time together. I dont think he's mad. He might just be getting old.

On the way back to Rosa's I passed the home of the busiest player in Sacramentii.
Watch out ladies he almost got me.

I finally got what I wanted. A delicious breakfast burr ee toe. This made me excited for Blood Drive VII as ideas of placing things in peoples foods were brewin.
Shortly after the bumrush for food, the cops showed up.

And Trina was not down with it.

I was more enthused by the orange tree across the way.
This was my first citrus tree! How peculiar!

We waited and waited.
See we're all waiting.

Matt waited in the wrong part of town.

And so we finally left.
We left for a breath taking ride through vineyards n shit.
Acres and acres of grapes and grass then in a distance Ill see tiny palm trees stretched so high. Oh joy!
But Chip was looking a shit ton of power.
I muttered "come on Chip come on Chip" over and over.
I stopped to let him cool down.
He had a hard time starting up a few times.
And then eventually, he just couldnt.

I got lost, again, yet this time I was off the map. But not really, I just like saying I was. Or rather, both chase trucks could not located me. I frustrated the shit out of Steve Rosen. So I waited and waited. I did a lot of thinking.

Then after I kicked a few rocks and proclaimed that "this" was "bullshit" I started walking towards something that could have been familiar.

2 miles later, I end up at a taco truck, feeling self conscious and mad and in need of a cocktail, surrounded by the freshly arrived Blasters. They led the pack.
And there I waited and waited for Tim and Sara to show up.
And once they did, I saw Chip raised up so high. I could have shed a tear.
But really, I just wanted a bloody mary.

Sacramentii has some beautiful houses. This one I passed at least 32 times and loved it more and more. This made me even more excited for moving.

Later that night was the warehouse party.
Im sorry I dont have any photos. Mainly because one hand was around a red FourKo and the other on my hip. FourLoko sponsored which is both a good and bad thing and I am sure we will be in contact with them for our own 2010 rally. Anyhoodles, everyone went bonkers and shotgunned FourKos all night. We danced until the room smelled like rot. Seth, Natalie and I giggled all the way home. A slow trail of destruction from the warehouse ensued. We covered Rosa's stoop and let the night sink in. I rolled a J and lovingly passed it around. Then over yonder, next door, we spotted a naked man in the window. Commentaries fluttered over our heads and the excitement rose to drive the naked man to kill the lights.

Someone let the Mad Dog out for the rest of the weekend.

On Sunday, with Chip still not doing well, W. Seattle offered his Magnum for me to ride. I kept waiting for him to take it back. Block after block, Id look back to see if his truck was near by. No truck! No truck!
And we all left for the beachbq. It felt so good to blast past most including this big guy,

that it made me more excited to work on Chip AND Otto.

The air was chilly and no one wanted to swim.

Oh that guy? He's not swimming. He's bathing, dummy!

And so, I could honestly say, this was the best rally I have been to so far.
I was tired but happy. And ready to go home.

Right Trina?

Also, dudes, thanks for getting us to and from in one piece.

* * *

And in news for you, I wish you were there.

13 OUT OF 14!


Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Heavenly Blast In Most Chilled Out Glory

Hay pal.

How are ya.

Ben and Ash came to town and we tore it up in the style of Ethiopian food, pinballs, Ben riding Chip riding into the night then getting pumped for his m'pad, a miserable 4loko introduction, gazing at the privates of monsterous structures, hot dog with cream cheese, 2am Melon Bars...Ash ate 2!, lots of good art (fig. 4, 7, 56), Jurassic Park 1 to 2.5, Ben meeting Ben, Georgetown Twilight Zöne, Ashley and her geoduck adventure at the Uwajimaya, excellent halibut dinner with inarizushi and pickled red onions and cucumbers (fig. 92) and lots of laughing at Tammy Pierce's sweat glands.

fig. 4

fig. 7

fig. 56

fig. 92

And thus began, shortly after Ash left for Eureka, my most relaxed Monday ever. I got out of bed twice while doing the majority of these.

I ate toast.
I watched Freaks and Geeks.
I experienced the w. smoke.
I missed Jan and KAG and watched The Color Purple for the first time.
I cried 3 times.
I missed my boyfriend.
I went to the Mosquito photo shoot.
I went to Moped Monday.

Say guys, what is that that over yonder what is that?

Ancient ectoplasm?

High crime?


Hot trim?

A silent scream?

Your weird Aunt Gayle?

Primordial dwarves?

The law of the land?

A wet dog?


Its just Chip.

Hiya ma! Im a Mosquito!
But not just A Mosquito, Im the 100th member of the most dangerously good looking moped army branch, The Mosquito Fleet, not to be mistaken for that hit teevee show The M'Squantum Fleet starring Travis!.


My Fangs