Cant Shake New York Outta My Hair, Part One

New York is something else. As a child, New York was like summer camp, since we really only went in the summer. We stayed with Charlotte our older foxy dentist cousin who would wear my sister and me like accessories. She lived in a swish condo on the upper east side. Groceries were delivered. She had a closet of shoes. And a marble bathroom as big as my sister's and my bedroom in Chicago. This was when I saw certain movies at too far of a young brain like Goodfellas. Then as I grew much older, I made friends who later moved to such nice places like Chelsea and the West Village. So New York only existed there, on the island. Brooklyn, the Bronx, Queens were all lead to believe they were as far as the suburbs. Nay they were not. This trip, this fine trip I just returned from maybe for the first time, made me realize how truly grotesquely enormous New York City is. It also made me miss a big city tremendously, almost achingly. Seattle is a small town in comparison to Chicago, New York, London. Its the pace I desperately miss. And aaaaaaaall the different sounds and colors.

Trav and I took the red eye in but on different planes. I could only stay for a few days and he was going to make his way to DC then to the Richmond Rally which I hear is thee funnest rally known to man. With barely any sleep thanks to the failure of the melatonin I took and sitting too far from the front (note: I do everything in my power to sit as close to the front of the plane so I can get the hell off as soon as possible as I hate waiting and watching people wait to get the hell off the plane) I found Trav at LGA and we hopped on a bus to Queens.

Queens is wonderfully filled with elderly immigrants. They wear lots of clothing at all times ALL TIMES even when youre completely pitted out they stay under their black scarves and thick nude colored stockings. And they live in rent controlled apartments. Should you ask how much they pay, they'll reply TOO MUCH or maybe $300 a month. Anyway. I wish I had xray vision because this would be a hoot, or I would go insane.



So we dropped off our things at Katie and Akiva's very cute apartment. K+A are Travs bffs from college days. They are from Chicago originally which made me instantly more interested (apart from Katie and I being already destined to be friends). I think Travis was christened a Chicago OG by Akiva because really, he is. ANYWAY, we hardly napped and made our way to see my favorite only fake brother, CQ. I have known him for many many many years and really do believe he is my brother. So without hesitation we headed to meet him at Westville East which is just kinda ok of a restaurant. On our way there, with pinball at the forefront of our minds, and taking mostly side streets HARK. RAPTURE.



WHAT THE HALE?! I THOUGHT NY DIDNT HAVE ANY PINBALL!
And holy shit. My most favorite game in the most perfect shape, Doctor Who.



We chitchatted excitedly with everyone in the store. WHAT YOU GUYS FROM PORTLAND OR SOMETHIN?
NAY SEATTLE. And with a nod of acceptance we played. And recommended more places with more machines. THANK YOU RECIPROCAL.



And so we finally met up with CQ and it was always a pure delight. Why I dont have a photo of him right here, I apologize.
But here is my lunch. Looks good but I give it 6 out of 11.



After lunch we met up with Travs twin cousins Phoebe and Claire. Usually twins freak me the fuck out but jesus these girls were hilarious. But you know whats not hilarious? The weekly teamsters meeting at the cafe. YIKES.



Quickly afterwards, we ran by to see my old friend Adam which was short and sweet, then headed to disgusting SOHO to shop. I dont know. I just had to see it and TOPSHOP since I miss it so much but then quickly realized that its nothing like Oxford Circus' TOPSHOP which made me instantly sad.

Anything but Broadway please.



We passed so many wonderful signs. Here is my favorite, but not because its my favorite kind of meal.



We finally met up with Katie and Akiva. I really adore them. HOW COULD YOU NOT.



Of all the food we ate, this place, and another which Ill mention in CSNYOMH, Part Two ranked tops. Vanessa's Dumplings was the best thing I had in a while (minus the party banh mi from months ago). Quick and cheap and packed and schweatty it was so worth it. Delicious chinese morsels of dough and things, sesame pancakes and buns. Gad dammit its so good and if youve never been Im so very very sorry and feel very sorry for you.




STAY TUNED FOR NEW YORK PART TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Look What I Did Just Look At It

In Chicago, selling spray paint in the city is illegal. WHAT THE SHIT?!
But here in the country of Seattle, it is not. So I bought some and I sprayed my tiny chair.



There are butt loads of photos of my vegetable garden (which you can probably see on ze'flickr) but soon Ill display its wild wild progress.

Im catching up on blogging now so you dont have a reason to leave me hateful mail.
The big New York blog edition will be up soon, then soon before you know it, our great big dumb stupid fun trip to Reno. Actually, Im going to be doing a whole lot of traveling soon. Reno, Vancouver, Pasadena (RHANALD WEASLEY GOES TO ART CENTER NOW WHEEEHEW!), Sacramorbid, Chicagoat, Detroition, San Frandisco, and maybe some place warm in December. Trina's going to the Baharmas and Kurttle will move to Yarpin July 6th (and soon Ill be going to Korn and Yarpin too!). Allison will be here so we can finally celebrate her birthday and ride bulls together. So much is happening. With 2 new jobs (nanny + pillowmob.com) Ill be up to my nosehairs in work. But work means money. And money equals lots of dumb stuff. Like spherical ice cube trays. Or lots of traveling. YOY!

And for now, a morsel of the New York trip.

Her Milkshakes Bring All The Boys To The Yard Even At The Very Old Age Of 29

TRINAS BIRTHDAYS NEXT! And it was! And it was as sweet as her.

And as sweet as this strange globule boob.



What do you think it is you guys?



We lit it to see if anything would happen.



Even Murth looked into it. And seconds after poking it, it exploded all over him.



Kim was not pleased.

After dinner, we headed over to Flowers. Thinking back, its very New York but if it were in New York it would have been a quarter of its size. Especially with Jane Birkin as our server. Thinking back, we all did a lot of thinking. Here is our thinking faces.





After thinking and thinking we all needed something to finish off this sweet birthday night with what else; mechanical bull riding.

So we piled into the Turdcel and dizzily made our way down to a closed bar. The bull stood still while we pawed at the door. Our frowns would have made flowers commit suicide. We sadly piled back into the car and headed home. Soon Trina, we will ride that bull.

Cheers you wonderful gal.

S.S. Cute

This charming man and this sweet sweet gal got married May 7th.
Seth and Stephanie met on a bus about 6 years ago. I didnt know them then, but I bet they were still as cute as they are today. I think many of us let the tears fall as they exchanged vows as it was exceptionally endearing. Looking at Seth and Steph makes me want to know them 30 years later to see beautifully theyve aged. Ah marriage. (Especially if youre marrying your best friend for life).







NAY DOES NOT FIT.



WHATTA FOX!







AW WHAT A NICE LOOKIN CROWD.







WAIT A MINUTE I KNOW THAT GUY!



Very attractive.



Very gangster.



Me and the slave seller. He was quite a talker.



Dancing so much dancing.







And belly comparin.



I hope they had a good time. I know we all did very much so.

Youre The Man Now, Dog.

Travis finally reached the ripe old age of 30. Yes, 30. But nowadays, 30 is more like 25, and with a face like his, he'll be a cute 18 forever. Which makes me a perverted old weirdo.

If he would have let me plan his birthday, there would have been a bouncy castle. But nay, Travis wanted it done his way. After all, it was his birthday.

I made Trav his most favorite kind of cake, confetti on confetti (or candied mini super bouncy balls since I couldnt find that gad dang confettied frosting).



We invited all his favorite faces who brought with them 30 non-perishable items that were to be glued together to make a rude sculpture. We also ordered his most favorite meals from In The Bowl and burned our tongues and stomach linings, happily.







And finally it was birthday cake time. I waited nervously since I am famous for making shitty desserts. Trav's mom gave us this awesome candle that unfurled when lit and spinned at a creepy slow pace while it looped an ear piercing HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Brains were blown and well worth it.



We quickly left for karaoke and screamed as many songs as we could in 2 hours. We saw an awkward strip tease by Brad to Harry Nilsson's most wonderful hit classic "Without You." There was rapping and screaming and jumping and adderall snorting. Truly a special 2 hours.





Here is proof that Brad is OK with dropping his pants at a swish karaoke bar but not OK at a super fun gay dance club. Although, shortly after his shirt disappeared, he did ass well. VERY INTERESTING!



We danced til 3 with the help of many shots. Us gals were all well groped by desperate older gay men while all the men in our party pointed and laughed. Again, truly a special night.



WHERES BRAD I DONT KNOW



Afterwards, Travis and Kurth played Portal 2 until the sun came up. I passed out with a controller in my hand I think. I was drunk and tired and very salty. We awoke late in the day to a half British breakfast half Huevos Rancheros. Kurt finally shed.



Trav being the gentleman he is did the dishes from his own birthday party. What a guy.



Hungover and weak, we left for Gameworks and found Fart Smith on the way. He met a friend.



Quickly afterwards we headed to the Central Cinema for Time Bandits. Time Bandits! How could I have missed this as a child! The excitement of this movie lingered on as you can see here.



And lingered on towards a 4 hour game of Risk.



Kurt broke out into a rash from the excitement of playing Risk for the first time and possibly the aged 4Loko. I broke out into a rash because I found this in my underpants.



At the end of the night I looked at Travis and I couldnt see a single trace of a 30 year old man. I was looking at a happy boy, excited for tomorrow.