Bitchin' and/or Facts: Not Too Shabby

Well, this weekend was supposed to be our first romantic getaway extravaganza bonanza mega hella exploration adventure. But of course, I failed 100%.

Well shoot, Ill just tell it to you the right way.

AHEM.

It was going to be the greatest adventure yet.
Jihee and Travis. Otto and Ole Yeller.
90 some miles to Centralia, WA and a night in thee infamously haunted Olympic Club.
So we got everyone ready, even with a quick copper goo job on Otto's head, which actually worked! So 9am Sunday morning, we were ready.

Sadly, I couldnt take Chip along, as his guts laid coldly waiting to be touched again. I really miss ya good buddy.

And we left.

The skies were gray and the air was crisp like it was some sort of back to school like shit. I mean really. Its JULY.

ANYWAY. Shivering my tits off, we headed down Alaskan Way towards West Seattle.

My breathe was truly taken away by the views up top and all around. So clear and green and exciting. Marine View Drive (both of them) and Dash Point Roads are total must-rides. You can find a few cockeyed videos on my flickr and a million other shots along Dash Point and Marine View.

And Redondo! So neat to ride along the bay.

By violently pointing at my crotch, I had to pee. Luckily we came across the Cliff House where they let me pee and take this neat photo of a junkyard galette.

It was also a good time to take a pit stop and let the boys rest.

TACOMA. Kinda pretty.

So we tooted along and rode along the industrial area of Tacoma where we were awkwardly side flicked [off] and entered a 60mph zone. YIKES!
We detoured around and looked at the 11th street bridge, and to see how far we've just ridden. NEAT.

So on and on we hauled ass up the shittiest part of town down Pacific Ave. All dollar stores, auto shops, mexican restaurants, Jack in the Box and KFCs galore, people with poor diets and nicotine addictions and dandruff for what felt like an hour. Or maybe it was 10 miles. Whatever it was, I was glad it was over. The stretch down along Ft. Lewis was all I needed to stay focused on our destination point.
As we inched towards the bend that would be Roy, WA, I ran out of gas. Totally fine, even totally fine that I was waving at Travis' back like an asshole, hoping he'd turn around. We refueled but Otto wouldnt start.
Maybe he needed a break. Maybe he needed to cool off.
We pulled over to a driveway as we were super close to the lanes and we tested for spark, EVERYWHERE. Nothing. Not a damn spark whatsoever. I either wanted to rip my hair out and scream, cry, or just sit in silence. I didnt know what to do. Like an idiot, I left the flywheel puller at the shop. We were only 40 miles away. So close. Even thinking about it now is making my ears hot and my chest heavy. ANYWAY. That was it. There was nothing we could do. I fucked up. It was my first time stranded ever and I felt horrrrrrrrrible.

A truck pulled up and out came a gentle lookin fella, minus the gap in his teeth and braids and hat and awkwardness. He offered help as he was on his way to fix his friends motorcycle. He obviously wouldnt have a flywheel puller but he offered to take us to the nearest town, which happened to be Roy, WA, which also happened to be where Joel and Travis' van broke down on their way to California. Two bummed out dudes in ties. Im sure it was as heartbreaking as my first break down.

We got to town and Travis called Joel to let him know where we were.

I had to walk away and cry it out while the city of Roy celebrated the 4th with the slowest moving parade known to man. Even the dwarven horses were tired of walking baby steps.
While off in the distance crying in total defeat, Travis had the balls to ask Joel to pick us up. And he agreed. WHAT THE SHIT?! How could anyone be so nice to drive down 2 hours from a pig roast bonanza to pick up us assholes? That Joel Kvernmo. Whatta guy.
It was around 12.30 by then and we had been riding for 3 hours without a break. Lunch time I guess. With the big parade outside we found ourselves in the local saloon. We were the only ones there.

Except these weirdos.

I ordered a grilled cheese and fries, only to hear from the waitress (in this town, its waitress) "WE ONLY HAVE PILAF."
I am pretty sure I made her repeat herself.
NOW. I ask you readers of Bitchin' and/or Facts, WHO THE SHIT ORDERS GRILLED CHEESE AND RICE?
Im sorry but NO ONE DOES.
I could have laughed, maniacally of course from RUINING OUR GETAWAY. But I patiently and nicely said FRENCH FRIES.
The second she walked away, Travis rolled over in laughter.
How the SHIT does this happen to me?
If anyone else were to have ordered grilled cheese and fries, they would have gotten an OKEEDOKEE but no. I just had to be mistaken. I hope she felt dumb. I dont care for her ignorance.

ANYWAY.

We walked around town. Actually, it was down the street 2 blocks. Thats downtown Roy for ya! I got to squat inside a huge tire, and then later fail at getting myself ICED. I just didnt care anymore. I felt defeated. I felt like a loser. I felt like hiding in a very dark and deep hole. I robbed the fun we were supposed to have. And all I wanted to do was smash the SHIT out of Otto and walk away.

But no. I couldnt. All the hard work my friends have so generously given. All the daydreams and fantasies. I couldnt give up. I was so very down but I couldnt give up on that problem child moby just yet.

And so in my head I went over and over our route and all the good things we had seen along the way. I tried to be happy that we made it as far as we did.

A googlized map of our route can be found HERE.
Im keeping it on there forever infinity cubed because WE WILL RIDE AGAIN.
I swear to GAD we will ride again or I will go ape shit and shave my head and go on a murdering spree. MARK MY WORDS. Its become an obsession at this point.

And just then, our savior showed up.

OH HOORAY.
WHAT JOY. WHAT LUCK. WHAT RAPTURE.
But really, what thanks that I know such awesomely hearted people here.
Sometimes Im caught off guard as to how awesome my friends are here just because you dont expect that when you move to a totally new town and know NO ONE. AHH LIFE.

ANYHEWDLES.
With Otto and Ole Yeller in tow, we left Roy, maybe not for good, but we left Roy happily. We were greeted with candy and fresh mushrooms and morsels of last night hot topics.
Mainly thanks to these.

And we laughed and chuckled at Travis forgetting Christian Bale's name, mainly because it wasnt stored in the right file, and pee pinching and Scooby's persistence and in no time we were in Arlington, WA. The "deep south" of Washington state.
Its actually super far up north but its MEGA "deep south."

On the way there we picked up a few fireworks.
I met a very nice lady who thought we were cute. She was blind.

So we got to Jesse's farm where there were TONS of animals and lots of farmy type things. HERE ARE A FEW!

The dog of darkness. He watches over all.

I WANT...AS DOES ROSANNA. CAN YOU SEE THE EXCITEMENT?

CAN YOU SEE THE FEAR?!

Then Joel and Rosanna took us for a nice little walk down to the river.

BEES! EVERYWHERE!

"Hey whats that?"

HI FUNNY LOOKIN!

It was really nice to be out in all that green. It made me forget that I ruined our weekend. It made me remember that I love where I live and I love the people in my life.

Then we blew up some shit.

Then tried to sleep after all that excitement.

But in my brain too many things were going on.

The next day, Travis met a dog that weighed as much as him if not more.

Then we met a square butt a breakfast.

And ran into Smashdick! AWESOME!!!!!!!

And then it was time to head home. Thankfully, Joel and Rosanna carried Otto away to a safer place, and not at the bottom of a lake or a hospital dumpster or smelly ditch. HOW NICE. Ann was nice enough to drive me ALL the way home. DOUBLE NICE.

On the way home we stopped for some berries.

This is what they actually tasted like.

Exhausted and gross, I tried to take a nap. Didnt work. So I gardened for 3 hours.

LOOK AT ALL DEM ROOTS! I moved my tiny tomatoless tomato plant over so she can have some more room to grow. And OH BOY my green onions were growing so fast!