Puberty: Part 1 & 2 and Facts In the Variety of HISTORY

The other day, my nice hot lesbo doctor said I was going through puberty again.
Im not sure exactly what will happen after Puberty: Part 2 but if I could recall, and I will recall, my years shortly after Puberty: Part 1 were toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooootally awesome.
Maybe after Puberty: Part 2 my eggs will stop screaming to leave my bod.
Or maybe Ill even have a babers. EGGCITE.
But that wont happen for a while so SORRY ROM aka no. 2 MOM.



I guess its still winter in Sharka Weeka, WA but its new to me kinda.
Ive lived here for a year now!
Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

Travis and I read Boneshaker and decided that the Underground Tour would be appropriate and what an eerie dee-lite it was, esp with the help of brown treats from R-Na K-Mo.



Here are a few facts that I gathered during the tour, with the help of the aforementioned brown treat. Good Luck Jihee. THANKS.

1. Denny Hill became a hill thanks to this : SLUICING.

It took nearly 8 years of sluicing, which is basically hosing the shit out of some dirt and spreading it out all out developing layers and stretching land. NEAT!

2. Seattle was a shit hole.

Its true. Seattle old timey land maybe forgot to take into conseration this : TIDES. Hi-tide would come in and flood the shitter and then flood the streets of the business district. Shitters high in the hills would flush down towards the bay, but during hi-tide the water and the shit would collide into what I think DAVE, our monotone wonder, said was a 6x6 box. Or something. Regardless, this mighty town was a shithole. With shitty geysers. Literally. Basically think of it as the scene in the hit mid80s movie Goonies where "Troy Perkins" gets an atomic bomb of a shitstorm up his ass. Anyway, Seattle the shithole was saved by the great fire of 1889, charring the entire district, with flames so hot it buckled the rails. NEAT. It was their time to rebuild Seattle to what is now Shark Week. The End.

No one died! NOT SO GREAT ARE YOU, FIRE?!



3. The glass tiles youll see along the sidewalks, on 1st Ave, were originally a shit brown, of course, but the sun reacted to the manganese in the glass, thus making it purple. NEAT.



4. The underground was actually the base floor for the entire biz district. You would have had to climb up ladders in order to get to the shop of your choice. Up and down like a bunch of nomadic simpletons. I think this is what inspired Gary Larsen, a major Seattle celeb, to start his profound series, The Far Side. So much truth in one 2x3 comic strip. Anyway. As soon as they built the streets over the tunnels, the Bubonic Plague party began. Washing out all the hookers, rats, opium dens, bootleg DVDs merchants and hilarious nudee zine stands. No party is a real party even if its the Bubonic Plague party, without trashing the place.



Here is a mossed up wall from the underground. A real wall!



There are many more facts, but Im afraid youll have to pay me to continue the tour.
In the meantime, lets all try to visualize the drunks falling into the tunnels. Because they did. Because they COULD.





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Proof that KAG loves JRK more than most things.



Also, last night, David Lynch sat out in my parking lot with his headlights on for 2 hours.



I got sick of watching him so I started to stare at other things.



Also, HURRY UP SPRING!




AAAAAAAAAAAND MAGNIFICENT TERROR ARRIVES IN ONE WEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!