Bitchin' and/or Facts

Remember Me?

2011-12-30T00:48:00.000-08:00

SORRY IVE BEEN PLAYING OBLIVION AND SKYRIM AND WATCHING DOWNTON ABBEY AND WORKING A LOT.
AND MAYBE IVE ALSO BEEN HIDING HERE.

BYE FOR NOW!

To All Of You, I Love To Death

2011-12-23T18:46:00.000-08:00

Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all my friends I love so much, to all my friends so very far away. I am dizzy with happiness when I think of you.

I hope this video brings you tears of joy as it always does for me.

TO THE FUTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Radiant Damage

2011-11-27T15:47:00.000-08:00

Fashin

2011-10-20T01:01:00.000-07:00

Ive gone fashin but only in my brain unfortunately not in real life as I adoooore fashin I just looooooooooove it absolutely.

But soon enough lots of sharing will happen soon.

I LOVE YOU CALL ME!

Touchdown L'Oceanne

2011-09-07T20:45:00.000-07:00

Travuegh, Scraper and Camp Dad and I went to La Push the other day, the other day being a few weeks ago. And while we camped the ocean, so did Kurt, a few hundred thousand miles away. I think it was the closest we got since he left.

ANYHEWDLES It was my first time camping right on the dingdongdang ocean! The Pacific Ocean and I totally got married and now Ill never separate from the great west coast. WEST SIIIDE F'LIFE !!! (unless I had the chance to live in London again, then we'll have to break up SORR!)

But first we visited a farm and ate their berries. They had really pretty pets.

Scraper of course did his thing with the ladies.

And we left for our friend laocean.

And we got there and we were sooooooooooo eggcited.

Touchdown.

I think I did a pretty good job as Condo Ass President. Right?

My first beach fire!

There were so many wonderful THINGS

And a bomb diggety meal of polenta, fennel, potatoes YOM YOM.

The tide came in so we couldnt go exploring around the islands so we waited til morn and boy were we eggcite.

And my most favorites!!!

And Tarb was so eggcite to show me his new house.

And Camp Dad was eggcite for kites.

And Scraper was just loving life.

And just like that we left. One night only and it was well worth it.

Those boys are still talkin about those Twihard honeys.

Phantom Limb

2011-09-05T15:02:00.000-07:00

I am experiencing an absurd feeling of abandonment. I know get over it big baby. I say abandonment because its exactly what it feels like when a close friend moves an impossible distance. And no I haven't fallen face flat onto my bed, sobbing hotly into my blankets, while my mom would stroke my hair, telling me "Youll see them again some day I promise." I haven't ran to their old house and sat on their porch, waited for them to come home. And I totally haven't saved a seat thinking they would be right back...

I never had a friend move away from me. I was the one who always moved. But now I know how it feels. And I dont like it.

The closest friend I had in Seattle moved to Japan. I KNOW HOW DARE HE. But nay, for only the best reason. To marry a girl he's been in love with for so many years. CHEERS/UKRAINE.

And though I am wildly excited for him and for her, HE IS NOT HERE. HE IS NOT HERE TO POINT AND MELT AT THE SIGHT OF TINY DOGS. HE IS NOT HERE TO PUT APPLES ON PIZZA. HE IS NOT HERE TO DANCE IN SILENCE. HE IS NOT HERE TO LAUGH AND SING. HE IS NOT HERE TO LOOK AT ME DISAPPROVINGLY FOR NOT PLAYING DRAGON QUEST FOR AT LEAST 300 HOURS OR TO PROUDLY GO TO A DQIX MEETUP AT A BEST BUY IN THE SUBURBS. HE IS NOT HERE TO FEEL AND TASTE LIFE'S MOST DISTURBINGLY STRANGE THINGS. HE IS NOT HERE WITH ME. HE IS NOT HERE WITH US.

To remind myself that we will never live in the same city again, I cannot stop my tear ducts from twitching. TOO BAD SO SAD. But I will never stop missing my friend. He will live here on this side of the world as my phantom limb. Ill still laugh when no one laughs with me. Ill still point even when no one points with me. Ill do that even when no one wants to do that with me, whatever that is.

He is life's amplifier and here, now, its too quiet. Ill still eggcite over lifes absurdities, but just not as loudly and proudly.

Im even eating chicken again and youre missing it.

And we're missing you as much as you miss this.

Hey Moon

2011-07-19T16:28:00.000-07:00

Weird And Magical, I Can Dig It

2011-06-20T22:44:00.000-07:00

Reno is the bomb diggety. Its only 2 hours from Sacramenthion and a tiny bit more from San Francisco. It makes me want to move to SF, like now. I mean, to have such jewels so close makes my eyeballs go backwards. I looooooooooooove Los Dorados (LOOK OUT L.SQUIDS, THEYRE RIGHT BEHIND YOU). But really. Even with their weird altitudes and even weirder locals, I loooove Reno. Its weird and magical and and and so quiet. Its weird. And I love it.
It was especially weird as it was T3's last journey together. Kurt moves to Yarpoon in less than a month. UGGAD I dont want to talk about it right now.

Come walk with me now.

Here we are not even an hour into the trip on a taco bore ee toe break right by my house.
Also please note, no. 05 Jurassic Park moped.

We drove thru a ghost town for a tiny bit.

Then eventually got to bright and sunny Weed, Ca.
Im convinced that its near impossible to find a good meal off I-5.

The drive down was beautiful and long. At times it seemed longer than the drive down to Malibu but I think we were just too eggcite to get there.

We drove past a dirt bike off roady racey thing that looked really neat and cowboy-like. We didnt have time to stop. Very unfortunate.

Shortly after that we found Reno and it was soooooooooooooo neat and weird and awesome and tiny.
TINY TOWN TINY TOWN! The ride was short but sweet. I was the only girl in front BUT IT WAS ONLY BECAUSE I WAS SCARED OF GETTING LOST.

And I was like IVE NEVER BEEN HERE AND THEY WERE LIKE

Friends were reunited in friendly fashion, where wrestling was reserved for later times.

The next day, the day after Tarbus crashed, was Saturday. And on Saturdays we go for nice rides.
But first. Preventative maintenance.

I HEAR IF YOU PUT A COIN INSIDE THE BEAR WILL TALK.

We rode to a near by park and made people stare at us. Unfortunately, no one in retards crashed.

We celebrated with ice creams.

And touching ourselves.

What a nice couple.

What nice couples.

Then I got sad because I couldnt rip this nugget off.

But this guy wasnt sad for me.

This is what Reno looks like.

Sup ho.

I dont remember what happened that night. There were robots and cocktails and smile gems and shitty hiphop CDs and and and I dont remember.

But the next day was Sunday, I can promise you that.
And for some, riding 19mph was just dandy.

And getting shy eating a banana was just ok too I guess.

And not knowing where you were was just fine ass well.

And riding with your best friends was just wonderful.

I rode with Troy in chase because I wanted to catch up on photos and widdle my stick.

Breakfast was at some weird place whatever I dont know. It was just nice to see everyone looking really shitty and spaced out. Oh, except those clean lookin Cuperteens. Hi boys.

But really. It was so nice to be with such fine fine faces.

We gambled a bit but not too much. I won six bux on craps here.

Kurthulu won NOTHING!

We stayed late into Sunday night. With an easy breezy bbq at Troy/Lindsey/Jen's pretty house.

But 11pm came and it was time to go. We touched for the last time. And headed home.

OOOOH BUT NOT WITHOUT A T3 PICTORE PICTORE!!!!

And of course, the drive home was nice. Except when google told us to go far east then thru scary mountains with no signs that eventually led us to a LOG MUSEUM. A LOG MUSEUM.

Good job, tiny turd.

See you soon <3

Harsh Realities, Still Pleasant

2011-06-19T15:46:00.000-07:00

Coney Island only existed in Woody Allen movies. Coney Island lived in the movies, in Big, Requiem For A Dream, and the hit Brittany Murphy (RIP) movie Uptown Girls. No one ever wanted to take me to Coney Island until now. And it was mega real.

REAL FUN! Right, mother?

But really. Even tho we froze our bungholes off and hardly any people were there, it was still fun. Reeeeeeeeeeal fun, see?

YEAH SKIN THAT WIRE!

STRANGE BUT DELIGHTFUL WITH ENOUGH HOT SAUCE!

And alllllllllll that color!

HIYA HANDSOME!

AND ALL THAT BARFY FUN!!!!

DONT BE SCARED NOW.

AND THE PIZZA WAS REAL FUN! AND REAL!

So real.

After a cold cold day in Coney Island we took a pitstop at a cute little flower shop/bar in Brooklyn on Cortelyou. Looks a little like Aldgate East tube stop, no?

Hi babe.

Then it was pizza time again OF COURSE so we made our way to jew town for more pizza and to see my old pals Aaron and Suzanne and B-UNIT and his cute Oprah loving boyfriend. But this wasnt just regular ole pizza. This was DiFaras. Maybe the best square pizza I had ever had in my life. Excuse me I have to wipe my chin now.

YALL FROM HERE?!

Oh geeeeeeeeeeez would you look at that?!

THANKS K + A. CONEY ISLAND IS REAL!

Cant Shake New York Outta My Hair, Part Two

2011-06-06T21:00:00.000-07:00

Holy shitballs are you ready for Part Two? Uggad this is going to be photo heavy JUST WARNING YOU. Also, I dont know if youve noticed a new photo layout but Im trying different things and if I did it with Part Two it would have taken me 2 months to finish it. So Ill share the best photos here, and leave you with my flickr for more.

Saturday was an entire day of eyeball explosions minus the pus.
We started off a little late as I think everyone needed to sleep in. Firstly there is nothing like a New York bagel. Thats all.

First stop, GRAND CENTRAL.

Always beautiful, like youre inside a jewel box.

Do you know about the whispering wall?

If you do then this wont look just too dang funny.

Next, NEW YORK CITY LIBRARY.

Its the kind of library I think genius prankery and impossible cooking are schemed. Its also the kind of library I wish every city had. It was absolutely beautiful and very well utilized as you can see here. A grand library such as this, functioning as an actual library in the middle of New York City can you believe that? Can you believe this?! (GRAPES)

Or this? (HOUSE)

Or even this?! (FART SMITH)

And if youre lucky, your library will give you a miniature ice cream cone.

And if youre doubly lucky, youll eat some of this after your ice cream cone.

Next was the MOMA.
Many many years ago, I walked into the MOMA a few moments before they opened. I knew this but did not know why the door I opened was unlocked. So I walked right in, and no one was around to ask questions. And so I walked right in into a very quiet echo and took the escalator up right up to the 3rd floor. For a painting such as this, I remembered where it was housed. And once I reached the 3rd floor, I found the de Chirico that I have loved for so long. And I stared and stared about 6 inches from the piece, 6 inches far too close to a de Chirico, with other voices or whispers around I was completely alone to stare at this painting that shook me and startled and excited me in every way. A few minutes later I was asked by a nice security man what the hell I was doing there. I quickly fled to the first floor to pay for a ticket.

This time the de Chirico I adore was not there. It would have now been on the 5th floor but it was not there. His other paintings were there but this was not. But I was not too heartbroken. I discovered new works that I am absolutely gay for.

Ellen Gallagher

Francis Alys

Katie and Akiva

I got in trouble for liking the Alys too much. TWICE. Do you want to know where else I got in trouble? Well Ill tell ya. At the Met of course, at the ALEXANDER MCQUEEN exhibit.
Never got such a hard pokin in all my life but gad dammit was it worth it. RIP MCQUEEN.
I ache for you daily.

Do you shiver too looking at these?

GAD DAMMIT IM MAKING ONE FOR MY OWN

After a long day of museums we were naturally famished.
And like a good New Yorker, you eat dinner as late as possible, and only the most delicious food too.

Benji, this is for you.

We went to HANGAWI. My first hardcore freals vegetarian Korean experience.
It was as if I was getting ready for my first day of fun school. As many of you know, vegetarian Korean food is what Ill be working on for the next many months/years, with many (un)lucky guinea pigs. Our visit definitely made me realize that it is so very possible. I cant even describe how exciting it is. Will someone please slap me and make me start already?!

Duduk salad first.

Bucheem (pancakes) next.

Ddukboki of course.

Kimchi Jigae (maybe the best Ive ever had).

And my most favorite Ssam Bop!

I got to order, which was kind of stressful, but most of what I ordered were usually meat dependent dishes. Pork is kimchi's best friend. It's used to totally enhance and produce magic in your mouth. But the Kimchi Jigae, the pancakes, the Ddukboki and the Ssam Bop didnt need any meat at all. And it was truly out of this world. Oh gaaaaaad I have so much work to do.
But my god. ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED! And its going to happen my friends.

After dinner, after a very long and exciting and eyeball exploding day, we ended the night with a few good cocktails at a quaint bar. Tomorrow, tomorrow is a whole 'nother day. Here's a hint, it rhymes with PONY TIE MAN and its as cool as this

Cant Shake New York Outta My Hair, Part One

2011-05-29T22:45:00.000-07:00

New York is something else. As a child, New York was like summer camp, since we really only went in the summer. We stayed with Charlotte our older foxy dentist cousin who would wear my sister and me like accessories. She lived in a swish condo on the upper east side. Groceries were delivered. She had a closet of shoes. And a marble bathroom as big as my sister's and my bedroom in Chicago. This was when I saw certain movies at too far of a young brain like Goodfellas. Then as I grew much older, I made friends who later moved to such nice places like Chelsea and the West Village. So New York only existed there, on the island. Brooklyn, the Bronx, Queens were all lead to believe they were as far as the suburbs. Nay they were not. This trip, this fine trip I just returned from maybe for the first time, made me realize how truly grotesquely enormous New York City is. It also made me miss a big city tremendously, almost achingly. Seattle is a small town in comparison to Chicago, New York, London. Its the pace I desperately miss. And aaaaaaaall the different sounds and colors.

Trav and I took the red eye in but on different planes. I could only stay for a few days and he was going to make his way to DC then to the Richmond Rally which I hear is thee funnest rally known to man. With barely any sleep thanks to the failure of the melatonin I took and sitting too far from the front (note: I do everything in my power to sit as close to the front of the plane so I can get the hell off as soon as possible as I hate waiting and watching people wait to get the hell off the plane) I found Trav at LGA and we hopped on a bus to Queens.

Queens is wonderfully filled with elderly immigrants. They wear lots of clothing at all times ALL TIMES even when youre completely pitted out they stay under their black scarves and thick nude colored stockings. And they live in rent controlled apartments. Should you ask how much they pay, they'll reply TOO MUCH or maybe $300 a month. Anyway. I wish I had xray vision because this would be a hoot, or I would go insane.

So we dropped off our things at Katie and Akiva's very cute apartment. K+A are Travs bffs from college days. They are from Chicago originally which made me instantly more interested (apart from Katie and I being already destined to be friends). I think Travis was christened a Chicago OG by Akiva because really, he is. ANYWAY, we hardly napped and made our way to see my favorite only fake brother, CQ. I have known him for many many many years and really do believe he is my brother. So without hesitation we headed to meet him at Westville East which is just kinda ok of a restaurant. On our way there, with pinball at the forefront of our minds, and taking mostly side streets HARK. RAPTURE.

WHAT THE HALE?! I THOUGHT NY DIDNT HAVE ANY PINBALL!
And holy shit. My most favorite game in the most perfect shape, Doctor Who.

We chitchatted excitedly with everyone in the store. WHAT YOU GUYS FROM PORTLAND OR SOMETHIN?
NAY SEATTLE. And with a nod of acceptance we played. And recommended more places with more machines. THANK YOU RECIPROCAL.

And so we finally met up with CQ and it was always a pure delight. Why I dont have a photo of him right here, I apologize.
But here is my lunch. Looks good but I give it 6 out of 11.

After lunch we met up with Travs twin cousins Phoebe and Claire. Usually twins freak me the fuck out but jesus these girls were hilarious. But you know whats not hilarious? The weekly teamsters meeting at the cafe. YIKES.

Quickly afterwards, we ran by to see my old friend Adam which was short and sweet, then headed to disgusting SOHO to shop. I dont know. I just had to see it and TOPSHOP since I miss it so much but then quickly realized that its nothing like Oxford Circus' TOPSHOP which made me instantly sad.

Anything but Broadway please.

We passed so many wonderful signs. Here is my favorite, but not because its my favorite kind of meal.

We finally met up with Katie and Akiva. I really adore them. HOW COULD YOU NOT.

Of all the food we ate, this place, and another which Ill mention in CSNYOMH, Part Two ranked tops. Vanessa's Dumplings was the best thing I had in a while (minus the party banh mi from months ago). Quick and cheap and packed and schweatty it was so worth it. Delicious chinese morsels of dough and things, sesame pancakes and buns. Gad dammit its so good and if youve never been Im so very very sorry and feel very sorry for you.

STAY TUNED FOR NEW YORK PART TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Look What I Did Just Look At It

2011-05-27T13:33:00.000-07:00

In Chicago, selling spray paint in the city is illegal. WHAT THE SHIT?!
But here in the country of Seattle, it is not. So I bought some and I sprayed my tiny chair.

There are butt loads of photos of my vegetable garden (which you can probably see on ze'flickr) but soon Ill display its wild wild progress.

Im catching up on blogging now so you dont have a reason to leave me hateful mail.
The big New York blog edition will be up soon, then soon before you know it, our great big dumb stupid fun trip to Reno. Actually, Im going to be doing a whole lot of traveling soon. Reno, Vancouver, Pasadena (RHANALD WEASLEY GOES TO ART CENTER NOW WHEEEHEW!), Sacramorbid, Chicagoat, Detroition, San Frandisco, and maybe some place warm in December. Trina's going to the Baharmas and Kurttle will move to Yarpin July 6th (and soon Ill be going to Korn and Yarpin too!). Allison will be here so we can finally celebrate her birthday and ride bulls together. So much is happening. With 2 new jobs (nanny + pillowmob.com) Ill be up to my nosehairs in work. But work means money. And money equals lots of dumb stuff. Like spherical ice cube trays. Or lots of traveling. YOY!

And for now, a morsel of the New York trip.

Her Milkshakes Bring All The Boys To The Yard Even At The Very Old Age Of 29

2011-05-26T12:03:00.000-07:00

TRINAS BIRTHDAYS NEXT! And it was! And it was as sweet as her.

And as sweet as this strange globule boob.

What do you think it is you guys?

We lit it to see if anything would happen.

Even Murth looked into it. And seconds after poking it, it exploded all over him.

Kim was not pleased.

After dinner, we headed over to Flowers. Thinking back, its very New York but if it were in New York it would have been a quarter of its size. Especially with Jane Birkin as our server. Thinking back, we all did a lot of thinking. Here is our thinking faces.

After thinking and thinking we all needed something to finish off this sweet birthday night with what else; mechanical bull riding.

So we piled into the Turdcel and dizzily made our way down to a closed bar. The bull stood still while we pawed at the door. Our frowns would have made flowers commit suicide. We sadly piled back into the car and headed home. Soon Trina, we will ride that bull.

Cheers you wonderful gal.

S.S. Cute

2011-05-26T11:34:00.000-07:00

This charming man and this sweet sweet gal got married May 7th.
Seth and Stephanie met on a bus about 6 years ago. I didnt know them then, but I bet they were still as cute as they are today. I think many of us let the tears fall as they exchanged vows as it was exceptionally endearing. Looking at Seth and Steph makes me want to know them 30 years later to see beautifully theyve aged. Ah marriage. (Especially if youre marrying your best friend for life).

NAY DOES NOT FIT.

WHATTA FOX!

AW WHAT A NICE LOOKIN CROWD.

WAIT A MINUTE I KNOW THAT GUY!

Very attractive.

Very gangster.

Me and the slave seller. He was quite a talker.

Dancing so much dancing.

And belly comparin.

I hope they had a good time. I know we all did very much so.

Youre The Man Now, Dog.

2011-05-24T22:42:00.000-07:00

Travis finally reached the ripe old age of 30. Yes, 30. But nowadays, 30 is more like 25, and with a face like his, he'll be a cute 18 forever. Which makes me a perverted old weirdo.

If he would have let me plan his birthday, there would have been a bouncy castle. But nay, Travis wanted it done his way. After all, it was his birthday.

I made Trav his most favorite kind of cake, confetti on confetti (or candied mini super bouncy balls since I couldnt find that gad dang confettied frosting).

We invited all his favorite faces who brought with them 30 non-perishable items that were to be glued together to make a rude sculpture. We also ordered his most favorite meals from In The Bowl and burned our tongues and stomach linings, happily.

And finally it was birthday cake time. I waited nervously since I am famous for making shitty desserts. Trav's mom gave us this awesome candle that unfurled when lit and spinned at a creepy slow pace while it looped an ear piercing HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Brains were blown and well worth it.

We quickly left for karaoke and screamed as many songs as we could in 2 hours. We saw an awkward strip tease by Brad to Harry Nilsson's most wonderful hit classic "Without You." There was rapping and screaming and jumping and adderall snorting. Truly a special 2 hours.

Here is proof that Brad is OK with dropping his pants at a swish karaoke bar but not OK at a super fun gay dance club. Although, shortly after his shirt disappeared, he did ass well. VERY INTERESTING!

We danced til 3 with the help of many shots. Us gals were all well groped by desperate older gay men while all the men in our party pointed and laughed. Again, truly a special night.

WHERES BRAD I DONT KNOW

Afterwards, Travis and Kurth played Portal 2 until the sun came up. I passed out with a controller in my hand I think. I was drunk and tired and very salty. We awoke late in the day to a half British breakfast half Huevos Rancheros. Kurt finally shed.

Trav being the gentleman he is did the dishes from his own birthday party. What a guy.

Hungover and weak, we left for Gameworks and found Fart Smith on the way. He met a friend.

Quickly afterwards we headed to the Central Cinema for Time Bandits. Time Bandits! How could I have missed this as a child! The excitement of this movie lingered on as you can see here.

And lingered on towards a 4 hour game of Risk.

Kurt broke out into a rash from the excitement of playing Risk for the first time and possibly the aged 4Loko. I broke out into a rash because I found this in my underpants.

At the end of the night I looked at Travis and I couldnt see a single trace of a 30 year old man. I was looking at a happy boy, excited for tomorrow.

Malibu Dreams and Smells of Death

2011-04-06T11:55:00.000-07:00

This weekend my byestest friends and I went on a little road trip. A little road trip that took a hair shy of 24 hours and about 31 hours back. It was a little birthday getaway for Smurth Smith, the Latebirds hosted a Boner Bash Camping Thing and maybe most importantly T3's first wild adventure and BOY OH BOY was it sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fun fun fun fun fun fun fun. So fun that we were still able to see/stand each other the next day and the day after etc.

Shall we start the show now?

Our trip didnt start until late afternoon on Thursday. Mutt Smarth just finished building his trailer like HELLO the night before. He was worried but truthfully, it was the coolest thing I had seen yet. YET.

Be proud Phil, pedals off makes serious sense.

I had been busy all morning baking snacks for the trip. I promised not to make anything dangerous for Kurt and Murt but for me and Tarbith there were no rules.

And so we drove and drove and drooooooooove. It was nice leaving late in the morn. The sun took its time setting as we blasted down I-5.

Eventually, Matt's eyeballs gave in and we pulled over in our packed to the gills Turdcel and napped. I woke to the most pungent smells and the air so thick and moist you can choke on it. Next to us were some rude horses watching us sleep. But I talked to them to see what was up and NAAAAY they were just chillin out admiring the deluxe T-cel and trailer.

But just to play with their jealous while they lazily stood in their dressing rooms, I pranced along them joyously.

After our 4 hour nap, we found ourselves at a diner that gave us maple syrup shots.

Breakfast was unfortunately lackluster but we continued forth towards the south.
Delirium ran high, as did the pungent odor of bad breath, flatulence, rancid feet and putrid blood. But we stayed in good spirits. Thanks to the GraphicAudio book we got at the truck stop that was neither fun, enticing, exciting, mysterious or graphic.

We stopped many times for gas and poo breaks but it was this stop that was my favorite.

FROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTS!

Everything tasted good in this tiny cool hut. Wherever we were it was 20 degrees hotter than it had been and we all started to get pitted sooooooooooo pitted. So much so we started to ditch non important (while driving) clothes.

Was it all the oil rigs that was making it so dang hot? Or was it because we left the comfort of I-5 for far more mysterious terrain, THE 33!

Mile after mile it was pump here pump there. There was no sign of real life which only made me believe that this is where THE HILLS HAVE EYES.

Finally, we entered the Los Padres National Forest and jejus chrissst it was GORGE-EOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!

We got out once elevation hit 5,000 and rushed to take photos.

And pee.

And let the Turdcel chill.

Down the hill and thru the mountains pee holes we finally made it across the mountains. We were glad we got to see this mysterious forest but even more glad that LA was getting closer and closer.

AND FINALLY WE DID. And with 2 hours left to find the actual campsite (before they shut the gate) without any direction, we panicked and drove in the dark looking for a sign. A moped. Or exploding frog.

And we were saved. As it was too dark to even see who was walking past, we quickly put together our condo association and dinner (FROM THE MOST AMAZING MEXICAN SUPERMARKET, THE VALLARTA SUPERMARKET-SORRY I HAVE NO PHOTOS). We shared hugs and hi-fives with familiar friendly faces, Travis Squid, Burt Hoffmanberger, Gorillion and Lady Gorillion, Scooby, Josh Dore and Jennae and Annie and and and Jessica Longo of Longo fame! AND ALL THE TINY DOGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And thee Harvey Fangboner!!!

There werent too many people there and because so it was totally chilllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.
Everyone took their time getting ready for the ride, but I was more interested in our dear friend, Laotian.

My ride actually lasted a few miles South along the coast. I noticed that Jennae and Annie were parked on the side of the road. Too bad for busted mopeds. Eventually Annie and I tried to find the rest but since we got so far behind, and the Magnum she was riding was being a piece of poo, I decided to ditch the ride and head back to camp, where a sick Kurddle was nursing a horrible pot brownie hangover. He was alive and hungry. And the kitchen was ours.

After lunch we went exploring and found something very magical and wonderful and amazing.

No, not just riding along the Pacific Ocean. IT WAS OUR ONION VOLCANO!

Or really just a secret magical station we can charge our DSes too as there was nearly NOTHING in sight.

Without DragonQuest we had no idea what we'd do. Count? Staring contest? Read a book? NAAY!

We invented a game! Involving sticks!

We knew everyone would be murderously jealous so when everyone got back, we didnt tell a single soul.

Later that evening we needed to find ways to annoy/wow people.
One of us actually did.

If only I too had a sound activated light up tee shirt.

It had been too long since we gave Laotian a visit. We were interrupted by a meth addict hiding out in the rocks. We were not scared. But the distant sound of a queef made us a little frightened.

Laotian at night was spectacular. The headlights sneaking around the canyons would shine and move along so dramatically in a way Alfred Hitchcock would probably smile and repeat the word "lovely lovely" over and over again. I think this was my most favorite moment this weekend. And

The next day was Sunday which follows Friday, and falls on the weekend. Did you know that?
I heard familiar sounds across our door.

This camping trip was too short as it was already time to go. We quickly loaded the trailer and Turdcel, said our tearful goodbiles and head to the beach.

The air was chilly and the water was ballshrinkingly cold.
But it sure was beautiful.

There was no way we could leave without stopping in Koreatown OF COURSE!
And that we did. First Korn food, Choke, the La Brea tar pits, then the Griffith Observatory which was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RADICAL MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

Missing our Onion Volcano, there was only one taste in our mouths.

The next morn we found ourselves in Sacramento. Remember that place?
I DO BECAUSE my most favorite moped gang lives there, The Landsquids.
So of course we had rudely visit.

Kurt's marshmallow herp finally exploded. I apologize for the blurry photo but I was painfully laughing to a point where I lost control of my hands. My hands felt like they were being shocked and turned into MARSHMALLOWS! Have you ever had that happen?!!!!!

We made our way to Motomatic after some mediocre breakfast borreetoes. It was surely nice to see some friendly faces EXCEPT SARA AND ROSA WERE MIA. BITCHES.

We said our sad goodbiles and left for Seattle. Too soon.

But my what a beautiful ride home it was.

And of course, no trip to California is complete without a trip to Weed.

Can't wait for another T3 adventure, RENO!.

Have Mirthy On Ye Soul

2011-03-18T20:10:00.000-07:00

HI REMEMBER ME?!

I know its been so long so very long but Ive been so busy. I suppose partial blame can go to something Kurtvl and I like to call OUR CHILDREANS. Its this thing, this thing called DRAGON QUEST IX. Id rather not explain because I just know youll judge. But its been my vice, since Trav's left, and since Ive been desperately looking for a new job. I ruled March THE MONTH I FINALLY LEFT MY HORRIBLE LIFE SUCKING JOB. And so far, after months and months of heartbreak, I finally got a delightful little email. Then shortly after, a wonderful interview. So now, I wait until Sunday. Sunday will determine the next chapter in my life and I am so very nervous.

But lets talk about other things. Oh and if you feel like your good luck vibes will help me then please vibe thru my brain. Vibe thru my brain like you mean it.

Also send some more vibes to my sister Rhan Weasley. She needs to get to Pasadena and without the green it'll be super difficult. And it truly is her destiny to get to Art Center. Here you can see Pansy, Rhotato Salad's daughter, making sure the cars are clear to her right. No Ron, dont go yet. Youre clear after the red truck.

Many things have happened, this bittersweet month.

Our family came together in New York for my grandfather's funeral late February.
I dont really know how to start. Or what to say. Except that I learned many things.
It was my first funeral. I wrote my first eulogy. I did not cry until I saw my grandmother smothered in hugs by her closest girlfriends. Some widowed, some never wed, some with dying partners. Everyone felt pain together. And to me it was a time where we could sit in sorrow and remember the ones we lost, the ones we will lose, the family we rarely get to hug, and the old friends we rarely get to see. I did not cry upon seeing my grandfather's body laying quietly. For that the only thing I was looking at and studying was his shell. The shell he lived in for 82 long years. I miss him still, but a big part of him is still in my make up. Maybe this is why I moved to Seattle. My grandfather was truly Mother Nature's son.

I mostly enjoyed my time with my sister.

Theres nothing like laughing at the same obscure things. Or making fun of your mother.
Here you can see our mom eating delicious pastries, delicious pastries she refused to share.

MOM. CAN I PLEEEEASE HAVE SOME? IVE BEEN DRIVING FOR 94 HOURS STRAIGHT!

It was a long drive to New York but the drive back was ridiculously fast. 13 hours! That MUST be a record. But boy was it sweet. And exhausting as Rhanasaurus Rex and I did ALL THE DRIVING while SOME people slept the whole way.

But like I said, it was so good to see the family I rarely get to see. Like my uncle, who looks like he's 25 but who's 10 years younger than my mom. Which would make him a million years old HA HA YOURE OLD MOM. Kidding. And my dad. Who is still drunk from the reception the night before. Bad Dad.

And my ENORMOUS cousins who can easily crush me. The were once so tiny and so annoying, now big enough to overturn a small car.

And THAT GUY WHO WONT STOP FOLLOWING ME.

AND ICE CREAM IN TEANECK, NJ!

AND me ready to put my sick all up in it! Yes I was horribly sick while in New York/New Jerjy. But not sick enough to infect my cousins and sister.

The korn fud in New Jersey (Palisades Park) is TO DIE FOR SRSLY.

It was my first real meal in a while since I had been sickzors for like 2 weeks it was the most amazing food I had ever jammed all up in my mouse.

It was also my first time in a funeral car parade. Is that what its called? I tried really hard to keep everyones spririts up. How grandpa made the sun come out that day and how he'd want us to enjoy it or make us move 8 tons of soil. Its true. He would.

Grandpa's shell buried in the truly beautiful Kensico Cemetery. Along with his shell are the shells of Anne Bancroft, Glinda the Good Witch, Henri Bendel, Rachmaninoff, and Ayn Rand (and many more). He's in good lively company Im sure.

* * *

I got back to Seattle and all I wanted was to go back to my parents house and watch my sister dance to a slowed down version of SINGLE LADIES. But I was home now and it was time to go back to work. But something had changed. I had this urgent feeling of breaking free and when I thought about it more it was this.

IF IM NOT LOVING WHAT I DO THEN IM NOT LIVING LIFE.

Then it made sense. I said it out loud a few times. Then the next morning as I was riding to work. And I couldnt stop saying it. I want so much life I want to suffocate in it. And so I began an even desperate attempt to find a new job. I stopped caring at work. I stopped listening to people at work. All I wanted was freedom. And I wanted to grow life everywhere. I wanted to grow life within my friends who felt the doldrums of this grey season. I wanted to light a fire everywhere and show people that you can live a life that you love the shit out of. That theres no fear. And that you can replant yourself over and over again. Then it happened. I got a job interview. A nanny job for an amazing family. The perfect outlet for my creative brain. And I totally nailed it. And as of today, a wonderful note from the mom. YOURE OUR LEADING CONTENDER! Just thinking about my new life has got me coddling my heart. NEW LIFE!

I find out Sunday.

But until then. Ill continue to see life in a new hue and live colorfully.
I have a happy home with good humor and good food.

I have good friends friends Im so happy to share life with.

And I have a wonderful boyfriend who will be home in a few days, and sooner than soon, will be living with under the same dome.

* * *

AND IN OTHER NEWS. I EXPERIENCED MY FIRST NIGHT TERROR.

I didnt realize what it was until I came home and saw Schraepfer Milton Bradley, my new roommate, researching more facts about severe cuts. He sliced off the tip of his thumb and has been whimpering in pain. THANKFULLY I have a high threshold of grossed outness that I was able to dress the wound 70 times. MOVING ON.

He quickly researched my hellish night and concluded that I experienced a NIGHT TERROR

And here it goes.

Last night, I laid in bed, late and exhausted. I couldnt sleep but I laid there, freezing. I clenched the blankets up to my face. Then after a while, I felt something strange. It was as if 2 small girls were pulling my hands wanting me to play. I remember loudly thinking NO, NO I HAVE TO SLEEP NOW. And they went away. Then a minute later, I felt cold hands and nails digging into my hands, trying to rip me out of bed. I couldnt move. My brain was telling me to move my finger into my mouth and bite down, to see if I was dreaming. And like when youre fully conscious yet unable to move, I desperately DESPERATELY tried to move my finger. And eventually I did. And I was awake. And no one was there.

My first night terror. And I did not scream. Im a little scared, still. But at least I know it wasnt a ghost. Or look anything like this.

Or make me do this in the shape of that.

Or look entirely like this.

But it made sense. Ive been under a lot of stress. And have been missing my sister and my boyfriend and my dear Janny and Kris. And Ive been desperately looking for a new job. So maybe it was the fear, trying to pull me in.
But now I know that I dont have anything to fear. Because spring will be here so soon.
And Ill have a new life. And Ill only hear laughing. But not clowns laughing because they freak me fuck out.

BYE NOW.

As I Fly Ill Wish I Was Flying To You

2011-02-25T21:45:00.001-08:00

Good night Grandpa.

If We All Wore Shorts And Tube Tops Would Summer Start Earlier?

2011-02-14T11:20:00.000-08:00

I think the reason I hate mornings is because 5 of my mornings a week is only to make money.
But when I wake to find this outside my comfy home, a smile appears. The fog, I dream, will consume the people I see those 5 days a week and Ill arrive to a quiet dark office.
Fear not friends, I am looking and looking for my next venture as this burnout is at its weak ends. HEWRAY!!!!!!!!!!! GLITTER!!!!!!!!!!

If I could create this into a Vermeer still life I would have a reason to quit my day job, FOREVER.

Last weekend Travis, Fart Smith and I took a trip to Portland.
We stayed with Maggie because she is so sweet. I kissed her soft cheek.
She is very sweet.
She lives so close to HELLO LOOK FAMILIAR ?!

Yeah that’s right. That’s the feminist bookstore on that hit show Portlandia.
You know. I like it. Maybe because Carrie Brownstein is soooooo cute. And Fred Armisen is so weird looking.
Hot and cold. Black and yellow.

Anyway.
I like Portland but I know I could and would never live there.
Maybe it’s the size. Maybe its the pace. Maybe its homeless guy who wasn’t shy to touch Matt’s shoulder.
I don’t know. Maybe because it’s a reminder of how I used to live, in a loft space in the West Loop packed in like sardines surrounded by people living a very sad, incestuous life.

But hot dog the food is so dang good.
Even something as simple as brussels sprouts and rice YOM YOM.

HOW BIG?

We took trip to the Burnside skate park because Trav is such a SK8R BOI. Amidst being SICK, AGAIN I enjoyed the colors.

And the little girl, 6 or 7 years old, who came up to me on a razor scooter, like an angel, “Hi! Chinese?”
She scooted away before I picked up my jaw.

But then I saw my cute new shoes.

And thought of my weathered nerd crush.

And witnessed a tender moment.

And honest signs.

Then just recently, Travis and I took a journey to Magnusen Park. Our mission was to get to the infamous Sound Garden.
We never really got there but heard it thru the naked branches and swarm of dogs. Yes. Dogs. Everywhere.
Thank you Seattle, for having such beautiful parks. And mountains and water and this and that.
And very euro urinals. EURINALS!

WHATEVER!

Why would someone leave all those cheese balls?!

I will not deny that if he fell I would have laughed. I would have ROFLcopter right on the dirt. Like Three Stooges style.

Hi cute trees!

Hi sad house!

And more trees and things!

And naughty kids!

And for kites!

And for the first grill of the season with funny new friends from a little place called Tempe, AZ.

WORD TO YOUR WIZARD HAT WEARING MAWM!

Happy Valentines deedles to my sweet talkin guy.

One Odd Texan Night

2011-02-11T10:25:00.000-08:00

As They Say, Kick In The Butt

2011-01-30T12:50:00.000-08:00

Teyxas, the 27th state Ive visited so far, and by far the most different than any other. As Travis says, Teyxas is a country. Land ‘o plenty. Where walking is optional. And everything is edible. And home of some really nice people. And animals too! HOY! And a lot of dingdongdang history.
Honestly, I don’t know where to start. Ive been sitting on this blogge (that’s French for “blog”) post for a week just because I don’t know where to start, if I should jam pack it into one story or many stories. Im scratchin my head over it only because theres so much to tell.

Ok. Lets just start with socks. Ive had an obsession for a while now. Its finding the coolest socks in security (at the airport). I wear mine hoping that someone would scope me out as THAT GIRL who had THOSE socks. But I don’t know why I do it. Amongst the blurred sea of mostly blacks, navys, whites, I hunt for gems, and gems I rarely find. But when I do, I hope theyre on my same flight, sitting next to me, and if we were

The flight was brutal, but only because we slept for a whole hour the night before. I got all yarfy from playing Dargoon Querst so I tried to nap but failed.
But whatever. Look at all those dingdong butt’ns!

Then we arrived to a bitterly cold San Antone and hung out on Trav’s Uncle Paul’s farm. 80 acres of cartwheels, steamrolling etc but too cold to try. The next day was a little bit better with the help of that big ole southern sun.
My what a cute tiny town!

We started the morn with a tour of the Shiner brewery. Telemundo was there to film our tour. My only mission for that day was to take photos of them filming us. AND THAT I DID.
And also snuck a spy shot of the factory thru the hole in my coat pocket. Just call me private JEE HI!

Shortly afterwards, we stopped by for the grossest TexMex lunch. Sorry Trav but it was MUY GROSSO. But at the least the water was good.
LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT THANG!

Guess who also loves taking photos of their food! And Kurttle, so you know, Uncle John’s got a handful of years ahead of you. TOO BAD SO SAD.

On our way to the gulf, that’s THE GULF OF MEXICO, we stopped by to see the Espiritu Santo mission where apparently Native Americans gave up their sacred ways to learn the ways of the Spaniards. GEE HOW NICE.

And where the 10% of the remaining mission hides!

Id like to note that I am VERY obsessed with miniatures, dioramas, etc. That is all. Just a note.

NOT MINIATURE!

And hew knew the battle at the Presidio La Bahia was so legendary! I DIDN’T KNOW CUZ I’S FROM THE MIDWAST.
But it sure was beautiful.

CANNONBALL!

HI JEJUS

Then we continued on our journey to the butt of Texas.

Teyxas is fucking flat yall. Like, I thought Illinois/Indiana etc was flat but shit man it was flat which made for very heavy eyelids. But we made it! Welcome to Aransas Pass. Kind of a funny town, yo. Would you agree?

We got to stay in Uncle Paul’s LUX-BALLER trailer, which is SUPER CLOSE to extreme awesome fishing. Too bad we didn’t fish but hopefully next time. I mean HELLO IT’S THE GULF OF MEXICO.

The next morn we were rudely woken by A SHARK!

KIDDING THAT’S A DOLPHAN!!!!

OOOOOOH WATER YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL

OH SHRAMP BOATS YOU ARE TOO CUTE

OH TRAVIS YOU …. ARE A SAP!!!!!

This is a pooping pelican.

This is the sun all up on our faces.

Then we took a ferry over to Port Aransas! YOU DINGWALL!

Trav spotted my favorite type of home, THE GEODESIC DOME.

And the TARPON INN where dear ole FDR caught an enormous tarpon.

People who stay yank a scale off the tarpon they catch and tack it to the wall, like panties or something.

Here. This is what a tarpon looks like.

And this is what we look like for lunch.

Then we finally made it to the REAL gulf and jeez louise it was beautiful.

And so much FASHING! SORRY DAD. DON’T BE SAD. WE WILL GO SOME DAY!

HARK! OVER YONDER!

OIL RIGS!

HARK! US! IN THE GULF OF MEXICO!

HARK! A PELICANS VEINY SAC!

HARK! TRAV SCARING ME!

HARK! A SEAGULL!

WITH ONE FOOT!

TRAVIS SCREAMING AT A TAXT MESSAGE!

Then the next day we went all the way to AUSTIN! They do have bats ITS REAL! See!
I found my favorite one!

They hide out under the bridge in the late summer cuz theres all these divides inside they can hide in. they also eat 600 mosquitoes an hour. GROSS.

The one thing that was awesome about Austin was…

A CITY THAT ACTUALLY HAS THE ONION!!!! UNLIKE SAN FRANLETDOWN!

WOW! ADJUSTABLE SEAT BELTS!

BEN FRANKLIN!

TAMALES EVERYWHERE!

TRAVIS' HOUSE!

Then I found my house!

OH BOY I LOVE THAT LONG DIVIDE!

Then we went to eat some stuffed burgers. They were just ok. I just HATE those ass tasting Gardenburgers, but at least there was a fried egg on the burger. OH JOY.

I mean what the SHIT?

I mean, Uncle John's pulled pork stuffed burger was way better. I mean, that burger put a smile on his face!

Hola Mexican Travis!

Then finally back to San Antone for our last day. Travs Uncle John was so generous to show us such a colorful Teyxas. And photos of baby Travis...and 14 YEAR OLD TRAVIS!!!!
Oh and of course so many stories. I was a little nervous to meet his mom's side of the family by HOT DOG, they are the warmest people. AND CRAFTIEST!

And so yes, San Antonio. First stop, THE ALAMO OF COURSE!

Big Travis, Little Travis.

I was really happy to end the trip with downtown San Antonio. Its an interesting town, similar to Milwaukee, mainly because it was Monday morning and the city was not heavy with power lunchers and well, walking. The city seemed a bit bare until lunch time.
We headed to what is now the best Mexican restaurant in the entire universe, Mi Tierra. I swear to god, to give you a morsel of what I felt will be difficult but I will try.
Ill be honest, sometimes I wonder if I should have gone into musical theater. My mom is an opera singer. Or was in her younger years. She pushed my sister into music because she had/has a far more booming voice than I do, as I am usually compared to having the voice of a nasal frog. SO ANYWAY, any dream of the stage would be limited to productions such as Miss Saigon, Mme Butterfly, and maybe something involving Bollywood, oh and my dumb voice. Also, I have stage fright.
SO BASICALLY being inside Mi Tierra was like being on stage for the first time. Lights in my face, ears getting tingly, and cheeks so flush theyd burn baby hands. I wanted to, like I usually do when Im at work listening to ABBA, stand tall with my arms and legs out and sing, shout, run up and down and Fouetté Jeté down the aisles.

And of course, with this guy next to me.

And maybe on a boat along the Riverwalk.

What a wonderful way to end our vacation.

OH BUT LEST NOT FORGET THE BEST MINIATURES I HAD EVER SEEN IN ALL MY LIFE!!!!!

Bye now, Teyxas.

The Character Code for 33 Is An Exclamation Mark!

2011-01-18T13:17:00.000-08:00

And I think thats how I feel about life right now.
Sure Im still stuck at my shitty job and waiting impatiently for a sign from my dream job at Child's Play/Penny Arcade.
But other than that, I am excited for this new year.
I have out of this world friends, a great roommate who is a champion pickler, a sister on the west siiiiiiiiiiide, a season of moped racing, a boyfriend who promises to listen to me more, a far more successful garden, Dragon Quest IX, IV, V, VI also known as the best diet in the world, becoming a more powerful Eladrin Wizard so Ben Franklin doesnt end up killing me off, being more creepy to Brad Johnson, loving my new bicycle and unlimited yoga, building and crafting, painting again, far more traveling, Korea/Japan in the fall, and my first stop motion movie, to begin this February.

It kind of feels like this...

So what did I do for my birthday? Well hot dog Ill tell ya!
But first you should know that the snow in Sheeatr lasted about uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 12 hours and disappeared in the morn. But it sure was pretty while it lasted.

My closest pals came over and slaaaaaaaaved over a hot stove for our hot Italian feast. Trav helped with all the decorum and did SUCH A GOOD JOB!

We had deeeelicious eggplant parmesan that Kim Goldion made. I learned that slicing the eggplant so thin and making a million layers makes a melt in your mouth dish without all the sometimes strange sponginess of the veg. FREALS. Trina feat Naz brought Bourgogne cheese that pretty much changed my life. I touch it ever time I see it now. But I cant eat since I too would eat it all in one sitting. THE HORROR. Murggle Smurth made tasty garlic bread. I made a salad and spaghett, and Kurt made what he makes BEST.

Naz was generating power.

And I sipped on wine juice.

And then later spilled it.

Kurtgcha brought a cake! HOW NICE! But then he destroyed all the cookies his mawm gave him and dressed the cake. -_-

But I wasnt grossed out but it cuz EVERYONE DID THE DISHES! (mostly KG tho)
HI ERRRRRRONE!

We packed the Terrorcil and head to the bar. Trina went from I DONT THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA GUYS to diving into the car in about 2 seconds.

HI!

I got Joctopussed so good it made me wish my birthday was every day KINDA NOT REALLY beacouse it wouldnt be special. But getting Joctopussed is ALWAYS SPESHHHHHHHHHHHH.

THE CALM BEFORE THE PARTY BANH MI STORM.

The next day, the Party Banh Mi faerie brought me a gift that I later found under my bed. I guess thats where they put it. Anyway, the faerie left a little direction but I had to figure most of it out.

It was actually very easy! And I was so eggcited to share with my friends! The Party Banh Mi was much taller than me. THAT MEANS I STILL HAVE A FOOT TO GROW!

Stephanie brought some taaaaaaasty ginger crackle cookies and Jess brought uggad rainbow cupcakes THAT WERE RAINBOWED INSIDE! HOWD SHE DO THAT!

HI JESS!

WHERE THE HALE?!

Shortly after the Party Banh Mi disappeared inside us we had a drawing party and might I say, IT WAS SO DINGDONGDANG FUN. In the future, we might be hosting more at your local pubbery.

Then Murt's friend showed up.

OH THERE SHE IS. WHY SO SERIOUS?!

OH GEEEZ....

And we ended the night in gurgling laughter.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVERYONE.
Thank you for the most wonderful time DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!

Happy birthday baby Jihee shoe. I used to wear you!

A Kaboom Kind of Beginning

2011-01-05T15:43:00.000-08:00

I think 2010 was a strange year. Of course it had some exxxxxcellent moments but I think many would agree that 2010 was kind of weird. Id rather not go into detail but towards the end, it was clear that 2011 would be brighter, healthier and really packed to the gillions with good, good-hearted friends. You know. Friends who help each other and bringeth the cheer. Friends who cook together and adventure together. Friends to have heart-to-hearts about living the good life. Friends you miss and miss your face. Friends who’ll breathe in your farts. Friends you can trust. Friends you can rely on. Friends who’ll avenge your death after you’ve run out of out surges and health potions.
No…Thats dumb.

BUT REALLY PEOPLE. There was so much party on New Years Eve that the lampshades were knockin all over the place.

See?

The HAWT jams were jammin so big that nobody heard the doorbell ring.

People were banging on the door PLEASE LET US IN but we didn’t invite no dummies in.

We lounged and laughed and smiled all night.

That nobody could stop the partyin ALRIGHT?!

BUT WAIT! BEFORE THE PARTY WE WENT TO THE MALL AND GOT CAUGHT IN A SHITTY HURRICANE!
I HAVE RALPH WIGGUM HAIR!

And we found Popeye!

But really.

The first day of the year? I had a hangover! SHEESH! And slept in til noon! And Travis was like OH NO YOU DIDN’T and I was all like OH YES I DID and then discovered how fun it was to play Lego Potter. Did I sacrifice my reputation. Yes. Was it worth it. Definitely. ITS LEGO HYARRY PYOTTER!!
It was bright and sunny. And we walked thru the park to brunch and was stopped by a bunch of thugs.

After our deeelicious scrumptious sandwiches we stopped to look at some arts.

I was mildly scolded by that nice man to not take photos. And I listened! What a great way to start the year.
We got really eggcited over some awesome Hiroshige woodprints! Who wouldn’t!

And later found a really neat sandwich box!

Shortly thereafter we went to Miwexico!

I couldnt tell if Miwakyorn liked pinball. But it was clear that she is smitten with Kurggle and approved our existence.

But who wouldn’t want to?

Then the next day, WHOO BOY SO MANY ASIANS IN SO LITTLE TIME, a musically inclined skinny Korean guy Travis met in Jamaica came to town. It was the last stretch of his 25 countries in one year journey. We entertained and laughed with this funny guy who believes that nothing is ever fucking hot enough for him. His name is Gna. He is a pretty cool dude.

See?

Vs.

And the next day we cooked together, a completely vegan Korean meal that was actually really for reals “fucking hot.”

HAY THAT’S SHEILA MORRY CHRAOSTMOUSE ME!

OH JOY OH WHAT FUN WHAT A FUN 4 DAYS WHAT?! YES ALL THAT HAPPENED IN 4 DAYS.
4 DINGDONGDAYS.

OH YEAH. Travis even had a baby!

To a most excellent new year errbody!

Days of Yore

2010-12-30T10:48:00.000-08:00

One time, my dad did not have a rotund belly.

left

My mom was a sweet girl. Spoiled and sweet.

middle

My dad's family.

Dad's oldest brother, Dad's paw holding Dad's oldest brother's first son, Dad's oldest sister, Dad's mawm, Dad's oldest brother's wife, Dad's youngest sister.

My dad was the jokester in his pack of friends. Lots of depantsing. Most likely pee in that bottle he's holding.

This is the grandmother I never met. She was killed by a Swedish diplomat who was drunk driving and a full blown schizo.

My mom bffs, still to this day. CUTE OUTFITS LADIES!

Note: My mom's wearing VANS

My mawm, left, and her friends.

Mom, left, in M Butterfly.

Mom in white dress after show.

Mom in Don Quixote.

Mom and dad on a date, with fans.

Mom and dad got engaged.

Six Fleeeags.

Twins.

Campin.

I got sucker punched by an Irish priest.

A happy mom.

Happy mom letting baby Jihee party with the big kids.

Dad was all like LETS HAVE SOME MORE KIDS. And she was all like. And he was like. And she was like FINE.

I had no idea how short my happy life would be.

CUZ THIS CAME TO TOWN AND TOOK ALL MY GAD DAMN TOYS.

But the holidays were fun because we always got THE SAME PRESENTS which meant I could destroy one and take the other.

And it worked out usually. I was the boss.

And it was fun being taller and stronger.

And it was just fun.

The Immortal Child

2010-12-29T18:10:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I wish I was a DM (that's Dungeon Master in case you didn't know). I think if I dedicated myself to it really truly I think I could do it. However, everyone might die because sometimes I have an evil side that wants to destroy things that would hurt or cast spells upon my minions.

But the main reason why I would want to be a DM is because I'd like to make up characters. I think as a creative person I could do a good job. For example, meet The Immortal Child as shown above. This character may not be killed thus leaving my players either angry, unsatisfied, or hate me forever. Am I not a just person? Oh I am. But The Immortal Child is not. With an AC of close to infinity and laughter so painfully bloodcurdlingly harsh and high (literally blood pouring from ears), and a shield of pure reflection that disperses shards of poisonous glass, there is no such thing as justice.

One can dream.

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I Was Once An Original Gangster

2010-12-27T16:57:00.000-08:00

I was born in Chicago you know. A long time ago in the beginning of the year.
I wish I knew the first house we lived in but Im not sure it exists anymore.
But the house I remember the most was probably this one.

Steps from this, with sounds as common as birds.

This is where we lived before this other thing became its outfit. It was pale yellow, just like this and we lived upstairs. Me, Ron Weasley, Mom and Dad, and sometimes my cousin Tom who was kind of a troublemaker in law school. Here I emptied my mom's perfume vial samples (she had about four thousand) into her plants. We had many plants. I also ate dirt in this house. And drank toilet water. My sister at the age of 2 or 3 jabbed very sharp sewing scissors into my inner upper left arm. It was my first visit to the emergency room where I recieved 3 stitches. It was also the first time I fell in love. I was 4 or 5. And the doctor took care me and made me laugh and carefully protected my stitch with a bandaid as big as a sandwich. I dont know what his name was but I think he may have looked like Bob Saget. But I could be totally wrong. That night I found my sister out on the back porch crying. She was in big trouble for what she did. Even tho she had no idea. OR DID SHE.

Summers on Bosworth were the best. Our entire block was blocked for our block party. I won crayons usually. And it was also the day I got to go into everyones house. Well not everyone but mostly everyone's house. But maybe not this one because a man hung himself inside this window. As my sister CLAIMS.

And this was my kindergarden. Saint Andrews on Addison.

And where I first saw breakdancing.

And the alley we'd play in because were a bunch of no good rascals.

When I come home for the holidays, we usually make this pitstop. And its always nice.

And so are chestnuts.

And gigantic korean supermarkess and getting really excited about musslooms.

My parents do not live in Chicago any more. They live about 15 minutes from the great state of Wisconsin. I do not like the house they live in but I do like the quiet that surrounds.

One thing I love coming home to is my friend Pansy. She is a bitch. I also like seeing my paintings up around the house. And especially since my mom hasnt stashed them in the spidery basement. Thanks mawm.

I also love seeing my favorite faces. One, my sister soulmate sweetie Kristin Ann.

And of course, thee JANNY BOOGIN BOOG.

And her jellyfish umbers.

We shared hot korn fud. OF COURSE.

I also tried to spend as much time with my parents as I really only see them once a year.

Hi dad!

Hi PANS!

Hi NOT DOCTOR!
I had a weird stomach ache the whole time I was home but I tried to fight it because I knew what would happen if I told my mom.

AND I FELT BETTER INSTANTLY! Until I yarfed everything inside.

ANYWAY my dad and I chatted for a long time.

This is my grandfather. My dad's dad. I only met him once when I was 3.

He jumped thru a shithole / toilet and escaped to South Korea in January 1951, right as the Korean War started. On January 14, 1951, my dad's immediate family left North Korea for the south. My dad was 4 years old and was carried by a shaman woman who worked at my grandfather's rubber factory. My dad said he used to see her dancing on knives! Its what they do. My dad's oldest brother, the only uncle I know well, carried their grandmother as far as he could. My 2 other uncles and 2 other aunts, all just a bunch of kids, and my grandmother whom Id never met, traveled on foot for days. Along the way to the south, they passed many people who had given up. Many were starving, many were hopeless, many were old and unable to walk. My dad said they left their grandmother since no one could carry her any further. He knows she died very lonely. I didnt know anything about her until this visit home. He saw a ghost of her or what would have been her, when he was a child in their house in Busan, the southern port town where you can see Japan on a very clear day. He is remembering her now for some reason after all this time and when he thinks of her and who she could have been his face is bitter sweet. There are no photos of her but I think she must of liked my dad the most.

I think Ill tell you the whole story some other time. Also, ironically enough, I was born on January 14th.

DONT BE SAD KIDS.

Anyway, it was nice being home. The short and few days I was there. But hopefully my parents will move out west. Or maybe even back to Korea. And see this on their way.

Bye Pansy I miss your fat guts.

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Cheers, Ye

2010-12-24T20:34:00.001-08:00

My heart feels big and I'm happy I'm alive.
For my extraordinary dear friends.
For my ageless family.
For never having to endure Chicago traffic daily ever again.
For fleece.
For dogs' love of peanut butter.
For next years goals.
For the color mustard yellow.
For healthy amounts of sleep.
For the embrace and smell and voice of a skinny tan boy in a hair shy of 12 hours.
For a golden life.

Merry, Ye.

Like Family

2010-12-23T10:59:00.001-08:00

Once upon a tiiiiiiime Kurt had a birthday and made his closest frands celebrate for 4 days straight.
30 is divisible by 4 but you get a whole lotta crap that cant be divisible to 0, the beginning of time.
My pal Kurggle turned 30 and wanted his closest friends to celebrate for as long as possible.

We ate at his most favorite restaurant Tandoori Hut not formerly A Pizza Hut. It was truly an wonderfully tasty deeelishious dinner with the most excellent entertainment, which was read aloud by yours trules and tear induced laughter by one Murt G Smurdge, his twin brother.

Shortly after we embarrassed ourselves, we left for gamery at the gamestore.
We fought off some fat kids for the pictarohamchop booth

Then documented our victory, for the booth.

It was an excellent day, tho one vital person was missed.
Ill give you a hint. We find him terribly handsome and love to talk like him in circles.
"NO....THATS DUMB." If you look closely you may find him in the photogromographono immediately above these words!

This infant, shall I say child is trying to beat Travis' #1 ranking! His mother, to his left, was there to wipe the sweat off his small brow. But in the end failed miserably. PROBABLY BECAUSE HE NEEDS A STOOL TO SEE AND PROB CANT EVEN REACH THE FLIPPERS. IDIOT!

Then the next day, Kim Goldion gave me the rightful duty of relieving her from her work. And what a work it is. Possibly the most beautiful neurosurgical facility I have ever seen! HARK! HER DESK!

And we left to celebrate Kurt, AGAIN, with pizza with things on top and hours of Frolf.
Murt brought Kurt a special blue beverage. This turned the night so electric violet.

Then Murt couldnt stop holding, should I say loving Kurt.

And from a not too far distance we could here the chuckle of one D. Smasher, and Kim Goldion wondering when our next wine shots were.

I cant really recall the rest of the night as all of us were laugh drooling and confused as to where we were.
Oh yeah there was cake of course.

The sleepover party was wonderfully gay, as in good, even when Kurttle fell asleep on his heated toilet seat.

The next day, painfully hungover, we were force fed Murt's Swedish pancakes. Here he is in action/non-action.

Then played Kirby Epic Yarn for about 5 hours straight. Then I remembered I had a work party to go to and with Kurdle being my d8 since Travis is lollygaggering in CUBA, it was time to GTFO!

The EMP was SOOOOOO FUN! we jam/screamed for an hour!

We interviewed for our fans!

We got hypnotized to not quit our jobs! And work overtime and not record our hours!

I ate tiny grape sized polenta cubes with bacon on top! I was drunk. And ready to dance. Which later gave me whiplash for dancing like AN ASSHOLE.
Then my coworker Leah and her special man friend Kelly, who is 7 ft tall, escorted us to the Bush Gardens, where I tried to fight my whiplash with bouncing to the greatest karaokles song, maybe ever.

And Kurt WAITED AND WAITED WAITED PAINFULLY WAITED to sing the only Jarpineeje song he knew in their books.

AND THEN IT FINALLY HAPPENED.

The sweet older woman who was actually Miwakorg's stand in did a wonderful jorb.

And THEN it was time to leave. But not without any sweet talkin for the King.

Then we had another sleepover party!!! And I fed us fuel line! It was rather bland and not at all perfumey.

On Sunday, we walked to the ID to buy our famiy presents. I conned Kuerl into giving our families crabs.
But on the way we got some Panda, and the best sandewichey in the world, banh mi. KUARTH HAD NEVER HAD! IDIOT! SLAP!

We also stopped and eavesdropped on some heavy shit, yo.

We walked and walked and ran into the Seattle Pinball Museum as its a big fatso. But it was ok ok ok since they had a game I really wanted to play but decided to wait to go hand in hand with dear Travoo.

I also rekindled my love of paper. And other peoples love of paper. Paper = money.

THEN we finally made it to Uwaji for some crabs. For real.
If you love your family to death, especially if they live in the midsweat, then you give you family crabs.

Or if youre Kurt, then you consider giving your family slutty geoducks.

Or ridiculous congee.

And as Kurddle and I awaited to part ways, the sky congratulated Kurt for being alive.

And we waited and waited with our crabs for the bus to come.
QUIT MOVING IDIOT!

My dear friend Karl, happiest birthday and a lifetime of drooling joy.
When you leave for Jarpin, I will hate you forever.
Until Travis and I see you in the fall.

* * *

And in other news! Like my uncle Kim Jong Il.... I got a perm!

And in other other news! Im learning SOOOO MUCH about my dad's family's escape from North Korea in 1951.
They escaped on my birthday! January 14, 1951. But Im not THAT old.

BYE NOW!

Get Out of Town and Kale Chips Are Better Than Fried Chicken Skin

2010-12-08T15:19:00.000-08:00

HI! Sorry I had some problems with blogger for some reason but now that the problem's fixed Im happy to return my dizzying banter.

We went a long journey on Sunday to Leavenworth.
Only one of us had been there but Smurt did a good job not ruining any surprises.
He's also a good driver however, often times frightening.

But on the way to Bavaria, we stopped and looked at some trains.
Why trains and not bears, taffy machines, roller skates, Claus Oldenburg "Knees", and/or something? Well because it was that time when Santa, I mean Chris Salmonson, comes to visit this part of the new world. And so we stopped for trains.

Trains!

Trains!

Trains!

Trains.

And dinosaur on train!

Then we left the trains. And on our windy and windy way to the alps.
It was quite a site, watching the clouds flaking the mountain tops with snow. Like REAL snow.

The wind started to move quickly, I could smell the fear, or maybe that fear was coming from Kurt's butthole.

But eventually we got to Leavenworth and was greeted by a clown.

And another clown.

And we popped in to a German restaurant that was not made for vegetarians or pescitarians etc.

But our guest was happy with his schnitzel and berrr.

Then Chris thought he would give us a tour.

But Kurt had to stop to have a poo.

Then we saw this sinking building!

The mounds of fun were really magical. I could only imagine the elves and dwarves in the forest watching us with glee. Or hungering rage.

Then I saw some friends.

Then got kicked out of Leavenworth by this guy.

We stopped in Tacoma so Murttle could see his grandma. We waiting in the car because our bodies were swollen with gas. Because we were on such good behavior, Myartt took us to the Dollar Tree and bought us each ONE item. I picked the colorful zip ties OF COURSE. THEN! HARK! TRAVIS CALLED FROM JAMAICA! No. Not Jamaica Queens. The real one. He was having the most wonderful time and said he missed me SIGH and that he hit his head by running thru a waterfall and into a cave. He confirmed that there was no blood.
THANK GAD. I mean really. And so Travis is having the best time, eating poisonous fruit meats, rowing bamboo rafts, entertaining lady construction workers and eating seaweed burgers and enough Red Stripe to bathe in.
He promised we would return IM TELLING YOU ALL NOW JUST IN CASE HE FORGETS M'KAY?! I miss him. Every day he's gone is about 4.67 days for me. So currently, he's been gone for an eternity. He leaves for Cuba on Saturday. Good vibes mon. Hope he doesnt come back fashioned with slick hair, open shirts with jewelry tangled in his wiry chest hair, and uggad, herpes. OOOOH GAAD FOR THE LOVE OF GAAAAAAD.

ANYHEWDLES, my roommate Charlie has been making macaroons like 5 days in a row.
I on the other hand have been making Kale Chips for the last 5 days as well. But he's not getting fatter and Im not getting deathly skinny. WHATS THE DEAL HELLLLLO?!

But I will say this.

Kale chips are by far, better than fried chicken skin. I have NEVER in my life eaten a plate of skin, but you can just BEE LEE DAT.

Befyore.

After.

ALSO? KOREAN BANH MI. Yeah thats what I said.
Made with glazed tofu, pickled radish (daikon) and tasty soy bean sprouts I just made for my Vegetarian Korean blog and slammed it in some toasted French bread.

Outrageously good. Cant wait til my friend Jess and I have PARTY BANH MI day.
And when that happens, you best be there.

That First Year

2010-11-28T17:39:00.000-08:00

I finally movied the flipbook I gave to Travis back in June for our one year anni.

Its my first time on the iMovie. Yes I am aware how waaaaaaay behind I am.
Like 1991 behind!

Its funny. Its the first relationship I keep marked on my calendar.
Probably to see how long I can stand him.

R.O.R.

This Day In History, A Thanksgiving

2010-11-26T16:45:00.000-08:00

According to the latest polls, we definitely had the best Thanksgiving EVAR.
Surely Thanksgiving time is family time, but when you are with the people you love and love you back, it certainly feels like family time or maybe the right kind of family time.

Now can I tell you what happened the rest of yesterday?! SHEESH!
The day was mainly fueled by mulled wine and SPRUCE TIPS, and a slew of records from Medieval For a Day to Harry Belafonte to Naz mutating Neu! and this and that and Karen Best.

And we were off.

The No-Knead Bread was so beautiful AS ALWAYS. How? Because you really have time to fuck with it I suppose.

WHATTA BABE

Karl was really excited to finally cook the 2yr old turkey he had been hiding in his freezer.

Trina was not pleased.

Then the turkey WHOSHALLNOTBENAMED had to sit out while Kuargle and Trina were finishing up their show.

I started the fire. We grilled the turkles!

Kam Geld worked her voodoo on the bird.

Kurt was enjoying digging under the skin more than he should have.

And I started my cassoulet. The mock duck was naturally disgusting and smelled like oriental.

But later came out pretty wonderful.

But the tarkles needed attention. OF COURSE. We thru that bitch in the fire.

SUCCESS!

Then for two hours we drank more and decorated our crowns. Tho there could never be more than one king at a time, we decided that rule was gay as in bad and went ahead and made our crowns.

AHOY KING GOLD!

DID YOU DO SOMETHING BAD KING SMARTH?

OBVIOUSLY!

Then the dingdongdang turkles was done gaddamit. And Kurt went to town.

Oh yeah the other animal lover-eater halped too.

Gently, gently so the bird doesnt know we're slicing into flesh. Careful. Gentle.

HURRY DAMMIT!

AND THEN THE FEAST BEGAN.

Murt had to stroke the calf in order for it to release any gravy.

Then later cut into the cream.

So to recap...

No Knead Bread

Mock duck cassoulet

Deelish cranberries by Trina

Tastey kale green bean casserole by King Gold

My version of Montage's Spicy Mac

King Gold's awesome apples

Kurts grilled curry turkey

Roasted garlic butter, which is the culprit of my excessive and dangerous gas

Kam's stuffin

Chive dill mashed potatoes

OH GAD DAMMIT OF COURSE Trina's total knockout pumpkin cheesecake. I must have been out of my mind for not taking a photo of it. It truly was the best cheesecake I had ever had FREALS!

OY AND KIMS ROASTED ROOT VEG! YOM!!!!!

And footsie under the table

And LOTR not so marathon.

AND THAT CONCLUDED OUR MOST WONDERFUL MOST EXCELLENT THANKSGIVING OF ALL TIME.
Thank you frands for coming it was the happiest time. Cant wait til we do it again tomorrow.

OH YEAH NOT TOMORROW IM NOW RESTRICTING MYSELF TO WATER AND APPLE PEELS.

* * *

And in other news, Travis has left for Jamaica for a whole month and oh my stars will I miss him. But at least Ive got Christmas to look forward too. I havent felt this excited for Christmas since I saw my first black Santa.

Send this guy some good vibeage.

Stay safe, bun.

<3

Sheeattur Can Snow and Lots of Things

2010-11-23T14:04:00.000-08:00

Whoa. Like whoa.

First, it snowed. No wait! Lets step back a bitty.

There was the death of 4Loko.
Thats a good thing for most girls with boyfriends.
4Loko was the root of all fights at parties you see. Us girls become transparent when our boyfriends would drink the evil jewiss but now we can breathe as they are back to paying more attention to us. OH JOY.

But we did celebrate. And in good fashion I might say.

Tho these photos do not have any cans of 4loko, you can be assured that everyone in these photos are completely under the fumes of this evil juice.

WHY DO YOU KEEP FALLING BOB

Then we went to a show with Treaty Andy. Who knew under all that hair is an evil genius game king.

Then once we got sticker pictures made. We cant read Jarp talk but I think we did a good job.

Then Travis and I found a bicycle! A bicycle! And I took it and its mine! And it has a friction light thing! And its soooooooooo cute! And my roommate Charlie is gon halp me fix it up reeeal nice.

Oh yeah then Travis, the NICE BOYFRAND THAT HE IS, decided to go to Jamaica WITHOUT ME for a month. Oh yeah. He got laid off his cush job. So now he can have all the fun he wants while I stay in COLD STUPID DUMB SHIT Sheeaturr. But I will work on many things while he's gone for month. And not have to listen to him talk ALL THE TIME. ALL THE TIME. ALL THE TIME. ALL THE TIMEHEBETTERGETMESOMETHINGTHATSPARKLES.

Then one morning I woke up and found this.

WHAT.
THE.
SHIT?!

That is snow.
That is REAL snow. And this whole time I thought "Gee wiz Sheeaator good job on the midwest like snow, in stoner mode."

Then later that day it dumped more snow, a total of 4 inches, and the city was in panic. People were going APE! APE OVER 4 INCHES!
Cars were slipping and sliding and crashing into OH, EVERYTHING.

Buses stopped at the top of a hill cuz they were too scared!

See!?

Then I finally got home after 2 hours. Of mostly shuffling. Its pretty fun to shuffle for OH, 6 THOUSAND STEPS.

And then there it was, my cute home. Covered in snow.

It looked a little naked so I made Charlie risk his life and put up the lights.

Then I baked some bread. And wanted to use it as my moped seat.

And then this morn, I thought I could make it to work, and probably be the only one.

LEAVES DIDNT EVEN GET A CHANCE TO CHANGE COLOR BOO HOO TOO BAD LEAF YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE.

And Thanksgiving is just a few days away. Im really excited because if there was one thing that made me happy while living so miserably, is cooking, and cooking for people I love. And Im so happy to share it with my favorite faces.

Im Ok

2010-11-17T17:10:00.000-08:00

I scuplted my hand for a show.
I had never worked with polymer clay (this intensely) but I became very attached to it.
I imagine many things when I see a thumbs up or think of one.
Its iconography has surpassed every fad every idea and image.
I could list every moment I thumbsupped but I dont have time.
Really.
Because Im at my job, typing into MS Outlook, on size 8 font, so no one can see me blogge to you.

Thumbs up, you guys. For being alive.
For not living in China or Earth City, MO.
For collectively having superior health.
For being moderately good looking.
For being so good at the mopeds.
For having the voices you do.
For knowing how to cook. (Keep reminding me, I have a cookbook to finish!)
For being scared of spaidaers.
For having good taste in most things.

I made this for a show.
It’s the sign we look for in say, an accident. When we’re experiencing a brutal break in time, waiting for an answer.
When our world has gone doom and gloom in a matter of seconds.
Sadly, my life is like that right now. While three quarters of my life is living in misery, I live in a state of doom and gloom when the whole world has gone black.
Its temporary. It is not who I am. But it’s a very strong force to deal with, all for stupid reasons. Fear, money, expectations.
Corporate is poison. One day I will leave and never return.

But in the meantime theres that small bit, the quarter part of my current life, that’s jam packed with all things electric.
And this sign is a reminder of that.

IM OK.

We Are So Fragile/Gaseous

2010-11-10T09:33:00.000-08:00

We had a Harry Potter marathon just recently.
And to my surprise, everyone lasted those bloody elf/bluh eyy alf 15 hours.
Mainly with the halp of 70+ beers, weed smoke, lots of weird snax, and breakfast tacos for dinner (ID LIKE TO THINK IT HALPED CUZ I MADE IT).
And even amongst all the gas and Bob complaining the entire time, yet still refusing to leave, we had the best time. We really did.

PBR + STRAWS!

“Hay Gurt, want to know how my fart feels? On your butt?”

“Sure!”

Travis trying to identify the ingredients of The Farts.

Ann has a hairy tongue.

My roommates know too much.

+ + +

And now, I think you should all know, that the reason why my blogging has been so scarce and crappy is because I am currently very unhappy and miserable.
Could I be depressed? It could be possible.
How can I meet your expectations when Im hating life 9 hours a day? 5 days a week!
I feel trapped at my job and since the beginning, has changed me.
And for that, Im sorry. Im sorry Ive turned into an emotional anti-social weirdo.
Soon Ill scheme a master plan to get fired and get unemployment.
Soon Ill find something happier, healthier, funnier and always exciting.
Soon Ill find a better reason to get out of bed, besides money.
And soon I will spin far more quality blogges that intrigue, nay!
Spew milk from your mouse.
Corporate is poison. I am drowning.
Hug me hard when the lifes gone from my eyeballs.
And make things with me.

So if youre missing me, just know Im missing you more.

My Very Talented Frands

2010-11-01T18:14:00.000-07:00

Lets go back a few days. A recap as what some people would say.
But first, why is people spelled like so?
Also, do you find it frightening how talented some people are? I am frightened all the time.

Travis’ pal Davey came to town. We watched him dance with his bass, not bass.

Then all 13 of us watched Travis eat his Unicorn dog.

Then all of a sudden it was the day before Hallowhee and I was like SHIT DUMB FUCK ASS COCK JERK CHEESE STRUDEL.
I wanted to be a venus fly trap with my head lodged in its throat but foam these days are more expensive than jewels.
So I had to come up with something fast or suffer total humiliation.
Hamster in a ball, hamster in 5th dimension, Jihee in a dumb hat with old blood and a dumb thing made out of straws.
Whatever I was, it was good enough to maintain my safety zone. I am a very private person. HOW DID YOU FIND ME HERE?!
Hallowhee was actually a shit ton of fun, even tho it was small and we got kicked out of the first party for not bringing the host a virgin/cocaine.
So we partied in Adams garage because that is what we do.
Here is a photo of Adam. He was electrocuted.

Bob didn’t get a chance to dress up but I guess he didn’t really need to.

Kurggle cut himself a unibrow.

Murtt Smargth finally came out.

I was not allergic to Trina which makes her THE BEST CAT IN THE WORLD.

I met Kay. CMWHYKAY!

The Treats taco came out all the way from Treatland!

Ann was of course THE CUTEST GIRL IN THE WORLD.

Naz was a mechanical wizard. And gay too.

The K-mos came as armed NRA members.

NerdSpeed dropped by for a smidge.

And of course, Travis, as the most handsome pizza zombie pizza I had ever seen.
Juuuuuuuuuuust look at em. BE STILL MY HEART.

And the night continued on in its most humble r’tarded sweetness.

WE T3.

Lest Not Be Forgotten, Our Zombie Brethren.

2010-10-27T09:59:00.000-07:00

Trina blew my mind the other day with her dancing skillz.
But my brains stayed intact.
Which is good because its almost the holidays (EGGCITE! SQUEAL!) and I refuse to give up my brains to anyone.
Not even this.

Trina’s been a zombie for 4 years.
Every year, the zombies of Sheeeatturr get together to celebrate their day of new life; human to zombie.
Thankfully, their appetites have been somewhat neutralized as they now no longer eat humans.
Attacks have decreased over the last century but many fear the return of their more vicious ancestors.

Many have also taken in these zombies and have established warm and caring relationships.
Here you will see Naz feeding Trina a cookie.
Good girl.

Here are my daughters Charlotte and Matilda.
They became zombies years ago when they went to their first sleep over party.
Though they are not twins, they prefer to dress alike just to confuse me.

Here is their little friend Treaty Andy looking very confused.
They often pick on him for his small size and his ill-fitting clothes.

And then there was this.

Oh and Helena Bonham Carter was there also.

Then the next day, I made a Tamale pie. I thought it was pretty dingdongdang great.

I Could Dance All Night Like Im a Soul Boy

2010-10-21T09:55:00.000-07:00

All the magic all the love all the reminders of the dreams I once had.
They are all still there.

Playing all their heartmelting hits, and ending with Sleep The Clock Around, I wanted to jump off the railing and float.
But that would have messed up my new headband.

AH LIFE!

I Live For You

2010-10-20T12:51:00.000-07:00

It may be impossible to ignore the clash of total rapture and total melancholy when filling your/my ear holes with Belle & Sebastian.
And with it being fall (thanks for the reminder KG), another added level of all things past, tonight will bring a torrent of nostalgia, a gush of emotions and we'll cry.
We'll cry with big hearts and think of the ones we love the most, the ones we loved the most, the ones we wish/ed loved us, and the ones we wish were still here.
Belle & Sebastian cemented my grow up time. From 1996 to today and forever.
Tonight will primarily bring flashbacks of my months in London, a profound time a heartbreakingly outstanding turning point in my life and sadly my only moment of pure and true freedom.
All I had with me was The Boy With The Arab Strap.
It was the only sound I wanted. Quiet, exciting, natural.
It was the sounds that walked me through centuries and unleashed an urgent curiosity.
Curiosity in history, in science, in music, in art, in understanding love and the brotherhood of man.
I wanted to know everything and feel everything.
And I still harbor those feelings but only small inklings of those feelings.
Tonight my heart will break and Ill yearn that time and all those feelings.
I only wish I could live like I did right now, in full force.
Maybe one day I will not work like Im working now, and Ill live a bit of that freedom.
Jihee, I remember you and you are still in London.

Three's A Charm

2010-10-18T16:15:00.000-07:00

About a handful of months ago, Mosquito Fleet unfurled 3 talents into the race world. Naz, Travis and Philllp.

Try not to spend too much time looking at Brodeo or the other fella, as they are not of Mosquito blood.

This season, the universe held its first Pacific Northwest Moped Race Series.
Many exciting moments were had, with many things exploding (a piston and a ring or 3), many mysterious flat tires, pulleys, clutches, ninners and nannerdings,
I can hardly recall a more exciting time.
Actually, I can. But thats besides the point.
The point today is, is that moped racing is alive and exciting and I am anxious and frightened for next year.
I will race next year.

But really, let us enjoy a more photographic story of this weekend's magically freezing extravaganza.

FIRSTLY, I nearly sat on one of these. All that is left is a suffocating kind of curiosity.

We arrived in Pertland quite late but not really all that late anyway, nay it was close to midnight. We arrived to a house of fun buffoons, mainly DUDES. Many were already intoxicated to a point of retardom, and many just could not stand still or up really.

Here you will find Orlando, a baby faced grown man, on his 6th fall onto the ground. He had just broken a table and remained still on the floor, while we scoured the living room for things.

A large garbage bag filled with "buttery" popcyorn fell from the heavens, and was ripped apart and thrown about the porch, making it a very exciting evening, watching people fall to their knees and Kurt eating only the whole kernals, and those not touched by spidaars.

I had grown tired of the night, as there were only dudes around and I had no one else to put things on or annoy, and/or I was drunk and stoned and sleepy.
We damned the freezing cold and slept on the bus. My nose was clogged thus not smelling the air, thick with mouth breathers. I walked around the bus only to find Kansas John's insides spewed onto the ground, and an eager seagull watching o'er yonder. The second we left, the seagull made its way to breakfast. Crackers, cheese, liquor and maybe a little bile.

AND WE LEFT FOR THE COUNTRY.

Kurt appointed himself as the leader. As you can see here, his condo has been decorated with the ceremonial Condo Association Leader of the Island door decor.

Also seen here would be our island condo association.

When spending the weekend at the tracks, you get to know a lot about people.
Here you will see Kansas John interviewing Travis (#37) while trying to squeeze in lunch.

With this being the very last race of the season, many were teary eyed and very very emotional, often seen in the arms of other men for support.

Actually, they were not showing emotions in the "Reach Around" variety, but rather this blurry photo is of Travis (#37), unexpectedly gaining the help of a scooter fella with his bottle of champagne for his victorious 1st place win in the mopeds class.

Actually, there were many people wanting to touch Travis and join in on the emotional win.

Travis also won a trophy for being a "Good Idea Travis" (re: UB Rally/scheme to get people to come to the race)

Phil also won a trophy for most matching in the best way.

Kurt did not win anything but a pail filled with spidaars.

I too was emotional, but just because no one fell for my trick.

The dirt bikes were also very emotional that the season was over, so emotional that they dangerously rode around sobbing.

Im sure Travis (#37) was also very emotional. Without a friend and lead mechanic like Naz, where would he be? Where would any of us be?

It was a tearful and like I said over and over again, a very emotional weekend. I offered to drive the bus since everyone was choking on tears, but alas, my heels do not touch the ground.

And we left.

I replayed the weekend in my mind but settled for feeling so proud of our 3 charming racers and so happy that Travis (#37) did not break any bones.

Keep it clean.

Hot Wheels

2010-10-16T13:59:00.001-07:00

Yup. FO REE OLE.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.3

Science

2010-10-15T09:45:00.000-07:00

This week Ive been blown away.
Not only by the overwhelming power of sinusitis, or freely streaming Chicago Public Radio on my headphones at my new desk (Ive been promoted), or Travis' english muffin sandwich.
But Science. And nature.

And big time blown.

Trav made me a diamond.

Vacation Reunion and San Francisco Has No Onions

2010-09-30T16:03:00.000-07:00

I really dont know where to start. Or even how to start.
I maybe picked 89 photos I wanted to share with you but now I find that a bit absurd. I know. ME?! I feel like I dont know who I am right now.
Maybe a good poop and Ill be ready. BERB.

Im back! Pushin out that toxic log should have helped me come up with a better title but it didnt. So you will have to settle with Vacation Reunion and San Francisco Has No Onions.

HAY YALL! It took more than 30 years to finally go to San Francisco. You know, I feel like the world doesnt really know me, you know? Its hard to believe, I know, but there have been people in my life who said I wouldnt really like San Francisco Ill abbr it "SF" just in case you get tired of the syllables. Korns and Jarps will have about 8-12 loving syllables in their San Francisco. But not the Chinese NEVER THE CHINESE...

mainly because of all the asshole homeless rich kids. Anyway, I LOVED THE SHIT OUT OF SAN FRANCISCO. Like, Im not even kidding. The more I think about it the more I believe I should be there. But not indefinitely. For many years, I thought of SF as a mythical land, with streets paved in gold, candy canes for street lamps, gumdrop fire hydrants, weed smoke puffin out the manholes. Ahhhhhhhh SF! I believed you were so out of reach so out of this world but now, now I touched you and fell in love with your every bit of land. Mission, Haight, SOMA, TenderNob, Downtown, Japantown (never Chinatown), Bolinas! Life meter at 70% A NEW RECORD! RAPTURE! GLITTER! TIMPANIS AND THINGS!

ANYWAY. Anyway.
The Awful Hen left Seatterg early in the morn last Thursday for the CREATURES rally.
Many feared the ultimate doom in the form of a breakdown but HARK, ALAS, ETC, we just lost 2 dang belts somehow and we were on our way.
We picked up a couple awfully fun homeless kids in Portland.

I looked over at my fine friends and became inspired, esp by their good looks. I drew a few portraits.

About 23 hours later, and just one use of the TravelJohn, we were in SF. About 7am, we met our host family. Her name was Gidget and she is always scared looking.

Since we got in so dang early and no one felt like napping in 89 degree weather, we left for the baths that TARBUS had been raaaaaaging about.

OH SPLENDOR!

THERE! OVER YONDER! THE PACIFIC OCEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Too bad Bob and Ann had to miss this sight. The baths truly took my breath away, NAY, pinned me and ripped my blouse and bloomers. I had never seen such a beautious sight. Well, I have but this was tops. FREALS.

THATS WHERE THEY ARE FROM! PEOPLE EAT THAT!

AND like these rocks, Kurt grows these on his lower back.

NEAT!

OK OK OK WHAT ELSE. Um we finally finally met up with the rest of the 1000 hipsters and rode into the night. BUT BEFORE THAT I WAS GREETED BY NONE OTHER THAN MY OLD PAL JAMES.
James is my oldest friend of all time. He and I were in art school in St. Louis, a wonderful place to slow down and noodle your brain and figure out important things like WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS LIFE and AM I A GAY and HOW TO GET BETTER AT STEALING and ACID IS OK TO DO MONTHLY WHEN YOURE A SECOND SENIOR. Seeing James slapped me back to that time when I could get away with ANYTHING.

We rode up some wild dark mountain towards Daly City. The mountain was I SWEAR haunted. There were moments where I was left in a patch of darkness, not in the fast pack or mediuim or slow pack. The darkness fooled my eyes into thinking I was riding in a deep dark tunnel (the colon) and the drastic hot and cold winds produced booty sweat and goosebumps. Menopause?! NAY! But really. It was so fucking scary.

SO we rode and rode all thru the night, then rode some more in the day. It was nice to see some favorite faces and really just my only 2 favorite gangs, THE LANDSQUIDS and THE CUPERTEENS. How bout we enjoy some photos right now.

Matt and Adam thought a manicure would be appropriate for the party. My presence there was just what they needed to ungay the scenario. SURE.

So we got dressed up as best we can but ended up waiting for Kurt to stop bleeding. However had we not waited, we would not have seen what a sharktopus would have looked like.

The party was wonderful of course. With the show not stolen by all the blood by Id say by the Latebirds' entrance. WHAT A HOOT.

And so we danced and danced. It was wonderful to see ugly packs of people stewing in their own sweat. I especially loved how my dear friends cleared the room a bit, mainly because they were the only ones not human centipede dancing.

The next day, I saw 1000 hipsters escaping the crazy house.

Then spotted a few more friendly faces.

And we made our way TOWARDS THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE then up MT TAM.
Ok HOLD THE F UP. GOLDEN GATE?! omg. This was like in the top 8 reason to even go to this gaymo rally and I was about to do it AND I DID. THERE WERE NO COPS! WHY?! Because I blasted on that dingdongdang bridge SCREAMING! OH SHITBALLS it was the 2nd most exciting thing I had ever experienced. First was the Hood Canal. ITS A FLOATING BRIDGE!!!!! So we made our way all the way up Mt. Tam and baked in the sun. I kind of look either Mexican or Filipino now. Same thing.

Can you imagine all those hills rolling green? I can but thats because Im an ARTIST. Anyway. The sun in the summer and spring strip the green from the grass leaving it so beautifully golden.

Then I experienced the neatest thing like ever, WE ALL COASTED DOWN LIKE 10 MILES down this dang mountain. Maybe it was really 2 miles or something but it was amazing. NO ENGINES, JUST TRAILING SCREAMS OF JOY!

Eventually we made it down the mountain, I almost lost the my pedal chain, and followed the ever so nice Mike Rafter to Bolinas Beach. I swear. This beach was the essance of the peaceful life. Its a small town with only the nicest people and just one type of business scattered down one road, one road that leads to the ocean filled with people of all ages surfing. I saw a seal head and 2 crazy old ladies who showed everyone their old wrinkly nannerningnongs.

Then we left the sleepy town to head back to SF to say our goodbyes.
This time I was more scared to cross the bridge since, HELLO, cops were making people cry. So I tried to ride conservatively and not waste any gas. It was hard to do but I thought I was doing ok. WELL we didnt just GO STRAIGHT TO THE BRIDGE. We went around mountains and mountains and scary cliff and it eventually throw me into a paranoid rage. GAS GAS?! WILL I RUN OUT OF GAS?! So we made it to the bridge. And I found Orphan Annie and rode next to her. I wanted to experience it with someone I knew so we can gush about it later. Well guess what, right as everything felt wonderful, right as I hit the first tower, the strong winds slapped my bod, and my bike slowly gave up, and laid under me lifeless. I RAN OUT OF GAS.

I pulled over so close to the railing that my pedal hooked onto the bottom of the hollow curb. I looked over saw the faces of my fellow enthusiats, ate my tears and flicked off the world. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!! Eventually, there were no more mopeds and just cars and limo busses and tiny trucks. I stuck out my thumb, thinking someone would have helped me. But no. I stood there on the curb and clutched my handlebars and seat, too scared to start crying. The wind was getting colder and the sun was going down. I didnt know what to do and couldnt leave the bike there. Then after a while, someone tapped on my shoulder. I turned around and screamed IM FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!! The 3 bicyclists screamed at me to get over the railing. They reached over and lifted my bike. I started to cry. Mainly because I was so fucking scared. They asked if I was ok, they asked if I needed a telephone. I thanked them infinitely (IM DOING IT RIGHT NOW STILL) and walked my bike down the bridge. Remember now, the pedal chain was broken so I couldnt pedal down the rest of the way. I felt defeated. Loser. Peon. Dummy.

Then I looked over and saw this.

Then realized I was no dummy. I was alive and well and walking on the Golden Gate Bridge for the first time ever. I stopped crying and I started to think about many things. Then I saw the suicide hotline phone and was reminded that this was a hotspot for the sads. I silenced my brain and just walked. I walked and walked and eventually made it all the way across. I found a pack of San Jose mopeders having a smoke in the parking lot. Right as they offered a bit of their gas, the chase truck arrived. I filled up and headed straight to the Buckshot. Seeing Travis' worried face made my heart pound. Seeing my fellow friends eager to see how I was made my heart pound even more. I wanted to cry but I didnt. I wanted a drink and some mother fucking franch fries. This was my end to the best rally ever.

<3

The next day, we prepared our Awful Hen for her departure. Everyone was hot and tired and smelly and stoned.

It was a wonderful feeling saying our good-byes on the bus, the bus we took to SF. Travis and I were going to stay for 3 more days. Our first real vacation together.

We stayed with my friend James and his wacky fun hot teacher girlfriend in the TenderNob (Tenderloin/Nob Hill) across from this beautiful sign.

It was a real treat finally meeting his girlfriend and for him to meet Travis. We both approved each others partners and then continued to evaluate each other's current lives. Both James and I are better than we were in St. Louis. Smarter, funnier and uggad fatter. THAT CAN CHANGE MOM.

We had kick ass Mexican food then more food then more food. The Paxton store of wonderful things was my favorite so far. Oh and Mission Bikes makes me want to actually ride a bike. IN SHEEATRRG.

ITS ALL ONE PIECE!

The next day we went to the MOMA. Ill tell you this now, SFMOMA is SOOOOOOOOOO much better than NYMOMA. I MEAN. HELLO!!!!!!!! CHRIS JOHANSON!!!!!!!!!!

NICE CRAFTSMANSHIP GERHARD RICHTER.

NICE JOB MATTHEW BARNEY SHOWOFF JERKFACE.

IM WEARING A HAIR HELMET!

THEN the next day we did these things.

WE DIDNT DO THIS BECAUSE SOOOOOOMEONE WAS TOO CHICKEN TO LET US. (THAT is a CUPERTEEN. MAYBE MY LEAST FAVORITE ONE NOW).

LOOK RON ITS YOU!

THEN I forced James and Brei to eat my peoples food.

Then later we ate more food.

Then we interrupted a gang of cockroaches. I JUST GOT THE CHILLS JUST NOW.
Here's one just cuz more than one is one too many.

I love spotting Vertigo all over the place.

Right before we left we hung out in the Mission. Swung by Treats then went out for awesome gross Mexican food.

The Mission is so wonderful!

I love the street signs downtown GOOD JOB ON THAT ONE.

BUT I HATE HOW YOU LIED AND SAID YOU HAD THE ONION.

Then it was time to go. And I was a little sad. You know you went on a real vacation when you really dont want to go home. But since I was going home with this guy (who beat a girl at armwrestling), the guy I shared the best week with, I was ok with leaving.

BYE I LOVE YOU SEE YOU SO SOON!

Strength Proving

2010-09-23T18:04:00.001-07:00

Here, you will see Matt testing Kurt's strength.

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Round 2

2010-09-23T15:55:00.001-07:00

Picked up cutters now ready to blow!

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Delay #1

2010-09-23T13:36:00.001-07:00

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San Frandingdongdisco

2010-09-23T13:15:00.001-07:00

Almost 4 hours into our 19 hour trip.

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Thats Not An Elephant Thats a Parrot

2010-09-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

PEEKABOO! GUESS WHO!?

Oh its just me. Not Angela that blogge HOG.

Anyway. Hi! I had a really relaxing weekend. KIND OF. I tackled my ivy bed that is so seriously invasive and such an enabler, for rodents. And slugs and SPAIEDERS!
But really. I am maybe half way there.
See?

About 16 feet of dirt. Shall I keep going? That strip gets so much dingdong sun that I might as well.

I discovered some nasty root action thats like way down below in the earth.
Maybe I was a little overly ambitious to start without really thinking it thru or doing my homework but at least the ivy is nearly gone that betch. So ill have to some how kill off all the roots but I really dont want to use a herbicide but maybe its all I can do. I learned a lot from my first garden and that bugs will always win. Theyre so much more advanced. And theyve been around longer than I have. Not to say that theyre smarter than me, but destroying gardens by way of surviving? Its what they do. But they can be SOOOO CUTE!!!!

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!

So hopefully by building a raised bed and having covers and netting Ill be able to keep my veg safe from these imposters, and in a fresh bed of delicious nutrients.
What will I grow?! Too much. Why? Because this thing called farmin is so new to me and its exciting and frustrating and tiring and awesome.

* * *

So it was hard not being at the tracks this weekend. Travis crashed big but claims that he's ok. Janny suggested I force him to play Pictionary and convince him that the elephant that he would draw was really a parrot and that I should take him to the hospital in fears that he's bleeding inside his noodle and eventually out his ears. I think he's ok. He's almost indestructable. WHAT ARE YOU I DONT KNOW!!!

Anyway. So no racing photos. I am a failed documentarian. For now.

Also, Im BANANAS for these.

Of course.

<3

Remember the first time you heard this little hit. Oh oh yeah yeah ooh ee Yolanda. Fall time is hand holding time.

12 days to SF!!!!!!!!!!!

Technology, Nay! Okay Fine.

2010-09-08T09:26:00.000-07:00

Its already Fall. SLAP.
Whatever GET OVER IT.
But really.

I went to PAX! Never experienced such a thing!
It was as exciting as finding the biggest Smiths poster and not being able to fit it in the car!

Or discovering the ghost living in your house turned out to be a fire tornado!

Or having a heart to heart with your mom. YOUR REAL MOM.

But really.
My gaming skills are mediocre. Similar to my moped preventative maintenance skills.
And when I realize that Im so far behind Technology, it makes me feel old. Nay, juvenile. Nay, troll-like. Nay, trapped in a river trying to escape N. Kore. Nay, an Old Navy employee. Nay, barnacles. Nay, this guy:

WAIT. NOT THAT GUY.

Basically, watching Portal 2 made me feel like this. SUB-PAR. Because my brain can identify and conquer pattern formations far better than anyone in this world. BUT when its bouncing off thick goo that I disperse thru a series of gun-like shots and trickery and floating thru tubes that look like enormous transluscent eye cream, avoiding laser deaths from chicken sized robots, looking at my bod thru portals, to eventually destroy a voice that's been lying to me taunting me? Im stumped. But I aint no dummy.

But these guys are...who waited maybe 9 hours to watch someone play the first 3 levels of Portal 2. Id rather wait and not spoil it.
I mean, do you think Mister Barack Obama (Who has said "OOH! I LOOOOOOOOVE PORTAL!") was like I WANT TO SNEAK PEAK NOOOOOOW DADDY! No. He, like me, do not like our fun getting spoiled. We wait and let the eggcitement fizz fizz then KABOOM! I mean, those were just thoughts we've shared in our sporadic texts.

Just look at em waiting.

But seriously folks, I had a great time.

Surth and I played GAMMA WORLD, a new game from DD.
We lucked out as it were and joined a gaggle of professionals.

I was an empathic doppleganger made entirely out of fiber optics.
Sath was a stoagie smoking cockroach who no one could get close to without suffering ongoing fire damage. Together, along with the others, were killing alien robot computers. It was a great time. Almost as eggciting as our game.
Im a lady! I have white hair and can teleport! I have a mage hand!

This is an inch worm. Maybe the first one Ive ever seen. I gave Stephanie a bunch of enormous blackberries. I could have killed her. I feel so bad.

Anyway. I think the thing that really made PAX worth it was Fable III.
I mean. I have never ever been so attached to a video game. No, Dr Mario is not a game, it is a tool. That I beat you with. But really. Theres something about Fable III that gets me all giddy. Is it because my spell casting is so dingdong powerful? Is it the intimidating swift sword handling? Is it my curves? Is it because treasures are everywhere to be found as are DEALS, and how I can fart in someones mouth and make their cheeks puff out? (You can't really do that in this game YET). I dont know what it is. But I love it. I love Fable. Its also made for girls.

Oh!!!!! SIIIIIIIIIGH.

But thats the extent of my nerdiness I guess.
Unlike some.

* * *

And in "Be Still My Heart" news,

Chip has a Japanese brother (who was born in Belgium).

Meet Hobbitosan!

Oh The Merry Old Month Of Meeeeh

2010-08-30T08:48:00.000-07:00

Guess what. This thing called SUMMER? Its OVER. WHAT THE HALE?! I know. Im shivering and clutching my coffee, making it really difficult to type. But really. Lets focus a little bit on whats going on right now.

RIGHT. NAO.

Ready? Ok good.
We had a few hot days, 96 tops, but just a handful. My tomatoes are still mostly green. My peppers have now started to show off its nubs. And Im freezing. I didn’t get a chance to camp, nor go wave runnering (but that’s mainly my own fault).
Wait. What the shit is wrong with me. In the Midwest, and even in the East, people are choking on the heat, damning the bastard sun, and using the more immediate more lazy parts of their brains and finding everything irritable. They are. I know. I am full of facts.

And what else…

North Korea is still a miserable and mysterious dark hole.

I find visual progressions terribly neat.

Im working on getting thee old Chip back to life, back to reality.

I finally got the hang of living with roommates again. I think.

I finally succeeded in dying.

Im slowly finding the consumption of animals disgusting.

When left to a bit of unexpected freedom, exciting magical things are found. Which makes me wonder desperately, What else am I missing out on?
GUESS WHAT JIA.
E V E R Y T H I N G.

The forthcoming bitter cold has gotten me thinking about what gloves to wear while riding.

And how much longer I have to wait for my tiny mini vacation to San Francisco.

Dear work, I need a break.

Thought Stewing

2010-08-16T10:06:00.000-07:00

I recently finally finally saw Inception and was spectacularly blown away. I was! Should seen my hair! OUT OF CONTROL.
I will not go into much detail or gripe about things I found questionable but I will share one thing...

Had Ellen Page not been chosen to be the (very asexual) ingenue of this film, who would be most appropriate? I couldnt help but run a few favorite faces in my mind.

1. Oliver Platt

Witty, always charming and makes any labcoat fashionable, Oliver Platt would have been my number one choice. Here he is looking very charismatic.

2. Michael Keaton

I really dont need to explain. Except that he, like all architects, have no shame in picking their nose.

3. Zach Galifianakis

Again, needs no explanation. He is multi-faceted. I refuse to fight any naysayers.

4. Luis Guzman

To fulfil the "hispanic" quota. And also RAD NEAT COOL HOMBRE categories. And an homage to all those who appreciate his ART.

Oh boy. Can you even fathom this idea of dream invasion?
I mean, of course you can. But how often do you truly stew in the thought?

I usually stew like this

and like this

and like this

How do you usually stew?

Eggactly How It Should Be

2010-08-10T09:22:00.000-07:00

Look. I know Ive said it a million times but this time its for real.
Next year, I will race.
I think the more I think about it, the more I realize that this is Chip's destiny. To take the role of THE BLUE BLUR.
I have a shit ton to learn but I have always been ready for it.
I mean, just look at him. He was born to blow the panties off everyone.

Ok maybe not, but it can happen. It WILL.
And without modifying the body too much (which Id HATE to do), I would love to race it as is (aesthetically speaking).

Agree?

Guess what?! I went camping this weekend. Kinda.
Did it involve a tent?
YES.
Did it involve a fire?
YES.
Did it involve slowly floating down a questionable river that was slow and secluded enough that all you could think about was Silence of the Lambs or Suspiria or Two Thousand Maniacs! and had cows nearby who could have kicked their shit into the water along with numerous dead bodies from crashing into the bridge?
YES.

It was race time again, at PATS ACRES and this time we brought our camping gear! FINALLY! But first, I just gotta say, The Douchers are the best. Theyve been coming out to the races to cheer (Travis), slowly grind on my leg (Amy), take us around town, send us away with donuts, and hug for long periods of time. I like them the most out of all the Cutters. Or just maybe Portland in general. Maggie is up there but I still dont really consider her one of them. She's in a more magical club and has proof. She has a locket with a dangling penis inside.

So, I noticed many things this weekend. REALLY important things.

First off Andrea loooooooooves donuts more than I thought she would.

Joe's skin repels tee shirts.

Smudge was made for his suit.

Miguel REALLY loves giving AYCHE JAYS.

Travis can fit into a small box or a large Bloomingdale's shopping bag.

Seattle has cooler leathers than Pyortorando.

Wayne really loves his new grill (even tho he has to keep moving his weiners (pl) around).

And dirt bikes take my breath away.

Travis' piston crumbled to bits.

You can read alllllll about it here!

Travis and Naz are always eggciting to watch.

So was Naz and some CHILD.

And Joe actually catching up to Travis.

And Phil catching up to Naz.

And the Great White Shepard "leading the way."

And some EGGCITING news...

I HAVE A BABY SEAL. WHATS HIS NAME?! I DONG KNOW.

HEY KURDDLE I MISS YA GRANNY PAL FRIEND CHOPPED SARADA.

Nature Is Hella Shaloming

2010-08-03T08:49:00.000-07:00

Now where do I begin.
How about here.

That is my big toe.
I should really learn how to walk. Because if I knew how to walk, Id avoid hitting the sidewalk cracks and avoid cracking off half my toenail and suffering not only humiliation but tiny lightening bolts of pain.

That night we met with a pair of Travis' closest pals Katie and Akiva.
HOT DAWG! I cant tell you how great it was to see them again. And this time for more than just 3 hours. It was like 6 hours over a span of 2 days. THATS A RECORD!
My heart felt big upon seeing them then seeing Travis interact with his most favorite people. There are times when I step back and view and soak in everything happening. And these moments with Travis and his best friends have always left me very warm and happy. Also because Akiva could stick quarters in his eyeballs and how Katie says I TELL YOU WHAT and makes my ears perk up. If only she could add an H before her WHAT. Id be blown away. Also, I love Jews. I also love to sing them my favorite Hebrew song. Ive sung it to the now 4 new Jews Ive met in the last year. Jihee Kim Gold, Jewbees and Katie and Akiva. And Travis, who I thought was a Jew when I first saw his smirky face but he doesnt count because he's not a Jew. He's just a Chicago bred Jew magnet.

SING WITH ME!

ANYWAAAAAAAAAAZE.
Hi! How are you?! I loooooove that eyebrow ring you just got. Im kidding. I dont. I hate it and want to rip it out when I see it. But really. I love nature. So does Travis. THANK GOD. Its nice that we have ONE thing in common. And that one thing is Mango flavored Hi-Chew. Study this image and go get yourself some and reread this entire blogge.

Actually, that isnt the only thing Travis and I have in common. After a year and a month, Ive discovered that we have as many things in common as we have new things to discover. Yes. Even after a dingdong year. EGGCITE.

So we went on our first mini tiny getaway to Denny Creek. The only things I know about this creek is that its nothing like Assassins Creek and it has a massive rock water slide. And with my generous and sweet roommate Caitlyn leaving me her car for the weekend while she was ho-downing in Nashville, we got the hell out of town.

AH! If only we were miniatures living in this world.

THEN WE FOUND THIS. WHO ARE THESE IMPOSTORS! HOW DARE THEY LOOK LIKE US!

This little guy got KABOOMED by our good looks. Sorry!

Then we walked back along the creek and Travis challenged the creek to see who can make it the end of the creek faster. Well, you guessed it. HE LOST.

THEN THE JERK DISAPPEARED and as much as I could have gotten worried, I didnt. Then the second I questioned what could have happened, I heard a loud SPLOOSH into the rushing creek. UGH I KNEW HE DIDNT FALL IN. I knew he wouldnt have jumped in. I knew a bear wouldnt have knocked his head and threw him in the creek. GAD DAMMIT THAT JERK. Then down below, I saw 2 beady eyes. THAT JERK! Then that JERK proceeded to cross the creek LIKE THIS.

That jerk laughed and laughed thinking I believed that SPLOOSH was his bod in the creek. HOW DARE HE!

I got over it by eating a delicious nectarine but quickly had an allergic reaction because the world hates me. This happens when I eat certain raw vegetables and fruits during certain parts of the year. F THAT. But dont F this.

OH WONDEROUS WONDER.

We stopped by Alpental where Travis showed me where he fought off a bear off some child then later became the President of tiny Switzerland for a day.

He promised PROMISED that we'd come back in the winter time to snowboard/ski. Ive only snowboarded once and it HURT THE SHIT OUT OF MY ASS.

Can you imagine it all covered in snow?! HOW FRIGHTENINGLY EXCITING!

Oh hello which way to the portal?!

It was a short and sweet little getaway and I cant wait til we actually find DENNY CREEK and trick Travis by faking my own death. Oh boy he's gonna git sooooo mad! OH SHIT HE READS THIS BLOG. But only when I pay him.

WITH TAMALES!!!!

Im getting better and better, little by little. Some day, I will be the master veggie tamale maker. People will soon hook onto my ankles begging for tamale guidance.

YOU BETCHA ITS GON' HAPPENS.

Bye now!

Grossly Exciting Events At This July's End

2010-07-26T09:51:00.000-07:00

Summer continues to dip its toes and teases the shit out of us.
But we're ok with that. This week will be a steady mid 80s which means Gary Numan will be on heavy rotation at home, shit tons of iced maté and fudgsicles, and an occasional dip into a questionable lake. Fecal matters BE DAMNED!

On the topic of being damned, I feel like my beet leaves have been damned. Our backyard has been heavily conquered by flies, mainly because HERB, our once sad house guest (DOG) used to shit EVERYWHERE and no one would pick up. That is not in my job description. Well, sadly, and gladly, Herb is gone but the flies have stuck around. A month ago, I noticed that my beet leaves were leaving weird windy trails. WHAT THE SHIT? Then shortly after discovered these.

MOTHER FUCKING GAD DAMN LEAF MINER MAGGOTS!

Oh GAD Im getting the chills already. Ever since I saw maggots LIVE, I become grossly disgusted and fantasized by their metamorphasis. Ill think about it for a mere 3 seconds until the chills run out my body. Sick and awesome. THANKS SCIENCE.

Anyway, I was sick of them. The flies. So sick of them I went out and bought a fly trap. No, its not the horrendously gross sticky ribbon traps, THIS trap would allow the fly[ies] to choose of they want to die. Flies smell pungent odor (from bag filled sucrose, yeast and other smelly things), flies fly into funnel, flies decide to drink shit tons of the pungent drink and get drunk and drown. THEIR CHOICE. In no way have I written a sign that would MAKE them fly in there. THEIR CHOICE.
And guess what, its working. The dumb stupid idiot flies are flying in there, even after seeing all their dead pals, theyre flying in and drinking to oblivion. Do I care? Absolutely not. I wish I could say Im happy they were happy when they died but guess what flies I HATE YOUR FUCKING UGLY GUTS.

And in more pleasant and lovely news, Kim Gold had a birthday. And we had a nice time.

* * *

The races will soon come to an end with 3 remaining races after yesterdays short stint in Kent. It was all sun and all frustrations with tempermental forks, multiple flat tires on the same tire, breaking rings and just not running. Lots of things happened in THE PIT. I even helped! It was exciting and scary as I thought Id get yelled at for being in the way. BUT I HELPED replace Travis' number on Phils forks that were swapped out in probably LESS THAN 6 MINUTES. I swear I had never seen 4 people work so quickly. Me included! A girl! HA!

Whats that Phil?! What the shit did your curse bring this time?

Oh. OH GREAT.

NerdSpeed's Plan B looked HAWT but refused to start. Good thing we brought the LOMOS. Good thing he actually made it the races this time! FINALLY!

BEHOLD, GENERAL MERRIMENT.

THEN NAZ WON.

SEE?! (please disregard that dumb scooter)

AW NAZAROFFS!!!!!!

Our dear bus, pumpin the shit out of power as best she can. I hope she makes it to the next races because being on the bus is something pretty dingdang close to magic.

AND IN OTHER NEWS, I SPOTTED THESE TWO.

UH-OH.

GOTTA GO IVE BEEN CAUGHT!!!!!

And Thats That

2010-07-20T17:32:00.000-07:00

I think my initial excitement grew from news that my new friend MAGGIE was coming to our rally. She's so swell she slept on my kitchen floor. AW GRRRRL!

Then HOLY BOOGEEBALLS, the LANDSQUIDS finally registered and I fainted.
Ever since I met Sara Squid, my heart grew a tiny heart boob that beats excitedly but makes me faint, upon hearing news of her return to my arms.

Here's the Squids Saturday morning. Tired and blind from all the fart, body odor and mouth breathers.

And here they are fearing our great Mounds of Fun. They needed a major headstart to tackle our Mounds of Fun. I felt a bit bad, since I knew our entire weekend would be riding round and round our voluptuous mounds. Riding and leading made me feel like I was winning like I was faster than those usually super fast Squids but thats mainly because Dr. Nazaroff made some outrageously powerful mega motor mounts (as they looked like cottage cheese the morning of the first day of the rally).

We were the first to arrive (late) for breakfast and won free burritos by reinacting the cooks favorite scenes from the hit Bette Midler movie Beaches. We sat in silence and chewed lightly and swallowed monsterously.

Then I met a cute shitzu/terrier. He wanted to jump inside my pouch.

Then all of a sudden everyone appeared.

And we left for an exciting ride through the northern regions of Seattle called The Suburbs.

Many of us had problems with our internal plumbing and couldnt shit if we tried.
Many of us also got headaches from hording all these toxins in our lower bods.
Here is what it felt like. I too felt the same.

After our ride thru the suburbs, we met under a tree where we ate very well and gazed upon this.

And that.

And continued to lounge and soak in the more peaceful spirit of the rally.

Oh HAY SmashDick!

The next day, we left for the most amazing ride down the southern regions of Seattle known as South Siiiiiiiide.

I wish I took more photos of the actual ride as there were outrageous amounts of heavenly mounds and sparkles from the bay but, I was more desperate to finish the 50 mile ride as half of the ride was the ride I broke down on. I was also very hungover and broken brained so I did not entirely trust myself to take photos while riding. Well, that and because I rode in the fast pack for the first time ever. The total focus on the road and the wind and the steady vibrations from Otto put me into a trance and helped me zoom in on the happenings in my life, where I am in the world, who I am currently, where my devotions lay and understand this lifes heartaches. This was my first time planning and hosting a rally and I had very little warning of what to expect. I knew a little more people than I knew last year but still, I felt a little out of my element and wish someone could have held my hand and told me to breathe and to say FUCK IT. I dont find such act childish, but totally human. I thought of my favorite faces, the Bouchers, Maggie and the Landsquids, and the excitement came back. See!?

There was no better way to end my first Mosquito Fleet rally than by spending it in tear filled laughter with my most cherished moped gang and DOMINOS. AAAAAAAAAAH DOI!

Dominos boxes were laying there waiting to be touched. So we burned the shit out of it and made smores. Sure its illegal and totally bad for the environment but HOT DIGGETY DOG it was the Squids last night. They do what they want.

I love you Squids. You slapped the happy in me.

BLÖÖD DRAB SLURPIN

2010-07-15T13:19:00.000-07:00

ITS FINALLY HERE.

Always Magic

2010-07-12T10:57:00.000-07:00

This is my very first garden, so of course Im going to be MEGA eggcite.
Ive been waiting and waiting forever to see evidence of my new born skills.
It was worth the wait.

Two deaths.

Good bye wonderful offical nyerd.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand in other news...
BLOOD DRAB 7 IS THIS WEEKEND!
Weve been VERY busy.

Not Too Shabby

2010-07-06T15:23:00.000-07:00

Well, this weekend was supposed to be our first romantic getaway extravaganza bonanza mega hella exploration adventure. But of course, I failed 100%.

Well shoot, Ill just tell it to you the right way.

AHEM.

It was going to be the greatest adventure yet.
Jihee and Travis. Otto and Ole Yeller.
90 some miles to Centralia, WA and a night in thee infamously haunted Olympic Club.
So we got everyone ready, even with a quick copper goo job on Otto's head, which actually worked! So 9am Sunday morning, we were ready.

Sadly, I couldnt take Chip along, as his guts laid coldly waiting to be touched again. I really miss ya good buddy.

And we left.

The skies were gray and the air was crisp like it was some sort of back to school like shit. I mean really. Its JULY.

ANYWAY. Shivering my tits off, we headed down Alaskan Way towards West Seattle.

My breathe was truly taken away by the views up top and all around. So clear and green and exciting. Marine View Drive (both of them) and Dash Point Roads are total must-rides. You can find a few cockeyed videos on my flickr and a million other shots along Dash Point and Marine View.

And Redondo! So neat to ride along the bay.

By violently pointing at my crotch, I had to pee. Luckily we came across the Cliff House where they let me pee and take this neat photo of a junkyard galette.

It was also a good time to take a pit stop and let the boys rest.

TACOMA. Kinda pretty.

So we tooted along and rode along the industrial area of Tacoma where we were awkwardly side flicked [off] and entered a 60mph zone. YIKES!
We detoured around and looked at the 11th street bridge, and to see how far we've just ridden. NEAT.

So on and on we hauled ass up the shittiest part of town down Pacific Ave. All dollar stores, auto shops, mexican restaurants, Jack in the Box and KFCs galore, people with poor diets and nicotine addictions and dandruff for what felt like an hour. Or maybe it was 10 miles. Whatever it was, I was glad it was over. The stretch down along Ft. Lewis was all I needed to stay focused on our destination point.
As we inched towards the bend that would be Roy, WA, I ran out of gas. Totally fine, even totally fine that I was waving at Travis' back like an asshole, hoping he'd turn around. We refueled but Otto wouldnt start.
Maybe he needed a break. Maybe he needed to cool off.
We pulled over to a driveway as we were super close to the lanes and we tested for spark, EVERYWHERE. Nothing. Not a damn spark whatsoever. I either wanted to rip my hair out and scream, cry, or just sit in silence. I didnt know what to do. Like an idiot, I left the flywheel puller at the shop. We were only 40 miles away. So close. Even thinking about it now is making my ears hot and my chest heavy. ANYWAY. That was it. There was nothing we could do. I fucked up. It was my first time stranded ever and I felt horrrrrrrrrible.

A truck pulled up and out came a gentle lookin fella, minus the gap in his teeth and braids and hat and awkwardness. He offered help as he was on his way to fix his friends motorcycle. He obviously wouldnt have a flywheel puller but he offered to take us to the nearest town, which happened to be Roy, WA, which also happened to be where Joel and Travis' van broke down on their way to California. Two bummed out dudes in ties. Im sure it was as heartbreaking as my first break down.

We got to town and Travis called Joel to let him know where we were.

I had to walk away and cry it out while the city of Roy celebrated the 4th with the slowest moving parade known to man. Even the dwarven horses were tired of walking baby steps.
While off in the distance crying in total defeat, Travis had the balls to ask Joel to pick us up. And he agreed. WHAT THE SHIT?! How could anyone be so nice to drive down 2 hours from a pig roast bonanza to pick up us assholes? That Joel Kvernmo. Whatta guy.
It was around 12.30 by then and we had been riding for 3 hours without a break. Lunch time I guess. With the big parade outside we found ourselves in the local saloon. We were the only ones there.

Except these weirdos.

I ordered a grilled cheese and fries, only to hear from the waitress (in this town, its waitress) "WE ONLY HAVE PILAF."
I am pretty sure I made her repeat herself.
NOW. I ask you readers of Bitchin' and/or Facts, WHO THE SHIT ORDERS GRILLED CHEESE AND RICE?
Im sorry but NO ONE DOES.
I could have laughed, maniacally of course from RUINING OUR GETAWAY. But I patiently and nicely said FRENCH FRIES.
The second she walked away, Travis rolled over in laughter.
How the SHIT does this happen to me?
If anyone else were to have ordered grilled cheese and fries, they would have gotten an OKEEDOKEE but no. I just had to be mistaken. I hope she felt dumb. I dont care for her ignorance.

ANYWAY.

We walked around town. Actually, it was down the street 2 blocks. Thats downtown Roy for ya! I got to squat inside a huge tire, and then later fail at getting myself ICED. I just didnt care anymore. I felt defeated. I felt like a loser. I felt like hiding in a very dark and deep hole. I robbed the fun we were supposed to have. And all I wanted to do was smash the SHIT out of Otto and walk away.

But no. I couldnt. All the hard work my friends have so generously given. All the daydreams and fantasies. I couldnt give up. I was so very down but I couldnt give up on that problem child moby just yet.

And so in my head I went over and over our route and all the good things we had seen along the way. I tried to be happy that we made it as far as we did.

A googlized map of our route can be found HERE.
Im keeping it on there forever infinity cubed because WE WILL RIDE AGAIN.
I swear to GAD we will ride again or I will go ape shit and shave my head and go on a murdering spree. MARK MY WORDS. Its become an obsession at this point.

And just then, our savior showed up.

OH HOORAY.
WHAT JOY. WHAT LUCK. WHAT RAPTURE.
But really, what thanks that I know such awesomely hearted people here.
Sometimes Im caught off guard as to how awesome my friends are here just because you dont expect that when you move to a totally new town and know NO ONE. AHH LIFE.

ANYHEWDLES.
With Otto and Ole Yeller in tow, we left Roy, maybe not for good, but we left Roy happily. We were greeted with candy and fresh mushrooms and morsels of last night hot topics.
Mainly thanks to these.

And we laughed and chuckled at Travis forgetting Christian Bale's name, mainly because it wasnt stored in the right file, and pee pinching and Scooby's persistence and in no time we were in Arlington, WA. The "deep south" of Washington state.
Its actually super far up north but its MEGA "deep south."

On the way there we picked up a few fireworks.
I met a very nice lady who thought we were cute. She was blind.

So we got to Jesse's farm where there were TONS of animals and lots of farmy type things. HERE ARE A FEW!

The dog of darkness. He watches over all.

I WANT...AS DOES ROSANNA. CAN YOU SEE THE EXCITEMENT?

CAN YOU SEE THE FEAR?!

Then Joel and Rosanna took us for a nice little walk down to the river.

BEES! EVERYWHERE!

"Hey whats that?"

HI FUNNY LOOKIN!

It was really nice to be out in all that green. It made me forget that I ruined our weekend. It made me remember that I love where I live and I love the people in my life.

Then we blew up some shit.

Then tried to sleep after all that excitement.

But in my brain too many things were going on.

The next day, Travis met a dog that weighed as much as him if not more.

Then we met a square butt a breakfast.

And ran into Smashdick! AWESOME!!!!!!!

And then it was time to head home. Thankfully, Joel and Rosanna carried Otto away to a safer place, and not at the bottom of a lake or a hospital dumpster or smelly ditch. HOW NICE. Ann was nice enough to drive me ALL the way home. DOUBLE NICE.

On the way home we stopped for some berries.

This is what they actually tasted like.

Exhausted and gross, I tried to take a nap. Didnt work. So I gardened for 3 hours.

LOOK AT ALL DEM ROOTS! I moved my tiny tomatoless tomato plant over so she can have some more room to grow. And OH BOY my green onions were growing so fast!

I know! I hate thinning these cuties out too. How tragic.

And met some very new friends too.

It was a nice weekend. Totally unexpected. And not too shabby.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERIKORN!

Something Is Changing Inside Me And I Am Not Freaking Out About It

2010-06-23T11:52:00.000-07:00

This morning I met my new neighbor.
She stood there in her very cute lavendar pajamas and her tiny round belly which was a miniature version of my dad's rotund protruding force of nature, and asked one of my fave questions a child can ask me WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!
She could have been 6 years old, maybe 5.
I replied happily (I KNOW WHAT THE SHIT?)
"Im going to work! What are YOU going to do today?"

"IM GOING TO WAL-MART!"

Um. What, the shit. A) There is no Wal-Mart near us and B) She should be in school. Summer school. What the HALE was she doing by herself in her weird junkyard backyard? What the SHIT is she going to do in a Wal-Mart. There is no such thing as impulse shopping in her vocabulary. She's also too young to know the evils of shopping at such a place, no matter how much they want to sell local produce at too reasonable of a price.

Anyway, I finally rode to work. 2 days of taking the bus from my new neighborhood peaked my blood pressure to OH 3092834.

And all I could do on my ride to work was exactly the last 50 seconds of this most beautiful piece of film.

ANYHEWDLES.

Travis, being all swell, lead a tiny ride to the sewage plant in Magnolia. HOW ROMANTIC.

Actually it was. I was again hit with the realization that I live here. I live HERE. Not there, not Chicago where I was the most unhappiest person alive. I was really living a new life. I made it. I made the change I made it happen. I live in place, on this planet, that is not there, that is surrounded by water and all things green and shit tons of allergens. My hyper-sensitivity to allergens, evidently, but I continue to live. I love that even after living here for a year and a half, theres still so much to explore and discover. I only wish the same for Travis and my friends who have lived here nearly all their lives. I wish there was a way I could swap out their eyeballs so we can see all things anew together. That virginal experience is always something I aim to gain together. Really. Truly. Anyway, Im so happy this beach exists. I cant wait for my first FULL ON beach fire! And to take photos of our safari ride thru the barracks. I hate that I didnt take photos but I was too scared of getting caught and too excited to do anything but stare with my mouse ajar, ready for drool.

The ghost of Rainier!

AND IN MORE DISTURBING NEWS.
THIS NO LONGER BRINGS ME JOY.

INSTEAD, IT BRINGS ME FEAR AND UNWANTED MYSTERY.

I ate some this week and to all those people I gave so much shit to about "it" being all in your head, and that you could eat meat if you wanted to...IM SORRY. Cold chills and painful poo, I no longer need you in my life.

INSTEAD, ID RATHER FILL IT WITH MORE EXCITING THINGS SUCH AS

OH THATS NOT MAMMAL BLOOD THATS BEET BLOOD!

Not So Summer Ready

2010-06-21T11:46:00.001-07:00

Its been far too long to get Otto all gussied up but finally, finally, the time came.
The nice guy that Phil is, he let me sandblast my own wheels, not because he hates it more than anything in the world, but because he trusts me.
Perhaps unfortunately for him, it took nearly 3 hours of sandblasting one mag wheel thus leaving us no time for the front wheel.
Mainly because I couldn’t see a dingdongdang thing. SEE?!

Which is actually just fine just fine that we got one wheel done since we found out that powder coating a transluscent powder will give you unwanted results, or welcomed, depending on your preference.
In this situation, it was very far from what I wanted, so much so that I can say that I do not like it. However, I am mopedless at the moment and already am feeling the pains of being without, I will ride it until Phil’s dip tank is installed, where it will then take a mere 15 minutes to strip paint off oh anything.

Without any ill feelings, trial and error.

GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE GAZELLE! But off like butter since this guys done it too many times.

The powdering part that was just too dog-gone awesome….Kinda wish the wheels were more this hot pink than that barf burgandy loaf.

Nooks n cran!!!! What craftsmanship!

Very niiiiiiiiice!

And into the oven. Now would be a fun time to let you know that oven in Korn is “oh-benn.”

Then the burgandy loaf. SUXORS

Phil liked but I did not.

After that exhausting day, Travis and I finally got to see MICMACS. Thoroughly amusing and very satisfying, I give it a 15 out of 16. VERY HIGH MARKS! AAAAAND there was an old timey Peugeot!

And in other news, my new roommate Charlie and I made dinner. For his friends. And for my own curiosity.
We made Mexican-Jew food. SHAKSHUKA! With cilantro and lime and homemade corn tortillas. Eggs poached in a super deep tomato stew of anaheim chilis, onions, garlic, okra and spices. With feta on top, of course.
And a side of peas with homemade butter. He made the butter by shaking buttermilk in a dingdang jar!

I also made snickerdoodles for work, and saved a few for Phil and Naz for helping me with Otto, that finicky snooty bastard.

And lastly, dear Rhan Weasley….the bench you forgot to sit on.

Wish you lived here.

I also wish this guy lived here.

BN

He's A Rebel And My Blood Pressure Shows It

2010-06-15T13:05:00.000-07:00

I have a boyfriend.
His name is Travis.
He is smart and has a sharp sense of humor.
He is kind to animals and destroyer of zombies at an advanced yet reasonable pace.
He is also a moped racer who only either crashes or wins.
Never in between.

Crashes

Yet Another Graceful Crash from jihee kam on Vimeo.

or wins.

Crashes

or wins.

As the girlfriend of someone who lives to the X-tremes, I can assure you that my blood pressure does flipflops.
But in the end, Im always in awe of my no. 1.

WHATTA GUY!

WHATTA GUY?

Yet where would Travis be without his no. 1 mechanic Dr. Michael Mike Nazaroff?
I can only whisper those words into a very dark cave. I have to or Travis would be beat me up he would.

* * *

We pit stopped at a very tasty very heep French bar and had very tasty mac und chaise lounge and vegetable jambalaya.
Immediately afterwards, my eyeballs calculated the 4 corners and I was back in Chicago on Lake and Racine.

Working On Living

2010-06-09T13:24:00.000-07:00

WOW OH WOW.
I think a lots been going on, mostly waiting and waiting to move but other than that a lots been going on, I SWEAR!

Lets get the scary news out of the way first.

not my gross mouse

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHCCHHOOOOOOOOOOO!
IM ALLERGIC TO TREES!

And cats and dogs and mites!

I had to get more cat juice pumped in under my first layer of skin cuz the results showed up neg (you can see where he later recorded my swollen upper arm a massive 20x20mm)

Here see for yourself.
Im a mutant disaster!

Its ok. I mean, I was given the option to take allergy shots once a week for like 5 years but I was like F THAT.
Instead, Ive been using a nasal spray which is both exciting and frightening at the same time. Ive been able to breathe a little better WHO KNEW!?
I took the allergy test because last week, trying to be healthy good girl, I ate a handful of raw veg then in 2 minutes, my throat felt like it a giant doughball was lodged in it. At first I wasnt too alarmed. I drank warm diet Sprite thinking the bubbles would eat away at this non-dough-ball but nothing.
I started to panic as this lump in my throat was trying to take over, maybe even to come out of my mouse and onto my lap.
I called and made an appointment and popped a zyrtec.
SALVATION.

So now I know. Im a freak.

Moving on, my job makes me want to do this:

In other news, my new pal Jess and I made tamales. It was a first for both of us as it can be quite an intimidating process.

I mean, look at all that shit!

Masa is so awesome! It smells so rich and field-like I wanted to dive in it.
We made quite a few different tamales. First, I must note that its a fucking bitch to find chihuahua cheese. Its the perfect cheese for melting. However since I couldnt find any god damn chihuahua cheese, I settled for mozzarella, as it melts similarly and far less salty. SCORE.
So we made
-hot chili peppers and cheese
-sweet potato and hot chili peppers
-soyrizo and/or cheese
-sweet potato and caramelized red onion
-zucchini and sometimes with soyrizo

Its a tedious process, with all the husks you have to soak and all the things you have to prep but in the end, theyre the perfect little presents your tums would kill for.

I cant wait to do it again! Next time, Ill buy my own electric steamer and invite my most fave pals.

WHAT THE SHIT?!
Seattle at 9 at night.

The other day, Travis was telling me how smart he was when he stopped short and saw something so strange.

IT WAS A DOG ACTING LIKE IT GOT HIT BY A BEAR!!!

later on, we stood in the street. Travis kept an eye out.

And finally, I move this weekend to my new new new new home. Well, its not new but it will be exactly what Ive been dreaming about.

ALSO, DEAR WORLD, COME TO OUR MOPED RALLY THIS JULY THANK YOU BYE NOW YOUR PAL JIHEE.

(image drawn by THIS ZERK and brought to life by THAT WEIRDO).

Travis races this weekend EGGGGGGGCITE! Are you eggcite? I yam. BYE NOW.

Magical Weekend

2010-06-01T10:55:00.000-07:00

I slept over at Maggie's house.
She is very sweet and we both like to place our hand under the cool side of the pillow.

Everything is still alive as well.

We all had a magical time as we cheers a birthday*

danced in circles and clawed at fruit

and watched in awe while getting happily soaked in the rain.

This post is brought to you by Old Yeller, thee old beaut.

*NOTE: OVER YONDER, GIANT TROLL.

Crazy, Party of 2.

2010-05-27T14:20:00.000-07:00

When I am revelling in my outrageously fun demented brain, I always remember that I am never alone.

Thanks Janny.

And no, it is not SKYMALL.

Mercury Is So Over Being In Retrograde And By Celebrating, Mercury Chilled Out And We Had A Fun Time

2010-05-03T10:20:00.000-07:00

MAHALO!

Guess what? Im going to blogge about stuff!

Thursday was my boyfriend's birthday. It was his one and only golden birthday!
We did everything he wanted or else he would hit me.
But here's a secret! I would have anyway because I love the shit out of him.
38% OF THE TIME.

Travis wanted to have dinner IN the Space Needle (what a SAP!).
We had a few special guests join us.

The views up top were so wild! It was my first time in the Space Needoe so secretly I made it into my day.

Kurt brought a date. She didnt talk much or eat much. Honestly it was weird and awkward especially when she started humming. It just got louder and louder until he took her to the restroom.

Perhaps the highlight of the night was SCIENCE.

Dry ice is a magical and dangerous thing.

Dry ice chirps and tells you shocking secrets about the textile industry.

Later Travis gave the restaurant a scare by casually leaning against the inner rim of the Shpache Needer.

Then later on, Travis and Smudge dj'd cold dark minimal new wave night.

Afterwards, we met the gang at Shorty's for a lively r'tarded time.

It was a happy birthday. I am still left unbruised. JOY

Aaaaaaaaaaaand then I left Apt #206 for good.

And then I became a farmer.

One

Two

Three

Always a hoot with a good teacher.

And in just a few weeks, Skipper has grown into a most frightening beast.

And sometimes these two are never too shy.

And in other news.

Brutally Beyond Belief and Nuisances

2010-04-27T15:32:00.000-07:00

OH MY GAAAAAAAAD.

Remember that one time I was like I CANT WAIT TIL I MOVE IN 1O MONTHS.
Well that time is now and of course nothing is going as planned.
Im mildly happy about it though, because I would rather live under my desk at work than live with strangers who could potentially ruin all good things known to man.
Basically, my first experiences in SHEEEEEEEEEEEATURR were terrible due to all the bullshit people I lived with. Except MELINDA of course. But no more ex-meth addicts who are obsessed with their ex-girlfriend, no more transgendered oppressed anarchist lesbians, no more cocaine partiers, no more mean cats.

So its a good thing these 2 assholes flaked on me and Kurt.
We can finally live in retardom together before he leaves us forever, for Yarpan to be with the love of his life, Miwakorn.

But we cant move yet because the landlord of our future home is stuck in Hungary (POOR BABY), due to the volcano (THANKS VOLCANO).
So Im going to stay with my boyfriend for a few weeks.
I know I know THE HORROR!!!
But we think it will work out, temporarily.
Ill keep you posted as best I can of the experience but for now, Im excited and scared.
Like sleepaway camp, I will be very exhausted for the next few weeks so dont get mad if I dont remind you how pretty you.

ANYHEWDLES

So Ive been packing OR I got robbed.

What else has been happening in the world.

McMinnville White Weiner fest happened on Sunday.

This time there were more than 2 mopeds.
This time there were 7.

It was basically The Mosquito Fleet vs The Puddle Cutters and boy was it a hoot to see Wayne and Emily. I only wish I had more time in Portland as I NEVER get to which is pathetic, really, since its only 3 hours away.

ANYWAY.

Travis came in 1st in pretty much all the moped races, which wasnt really all that surprising.
Its funny because nearly a year ago he refused to race he'd stand there arms crossed and tell me NO like I was some dumb kid trying to convince him that I was mildly psychic, which I AM.
He's a graceful rider. Honestly. You can see the confidence and trust he has in his machine. And he looks more natural riding Big Red than Betty White (SORRY HON ITS TRUE).
But he put the fear in me when he raced this one kid from Portland.
A kid who some people claimed had a bitchin fast bike.
WELL, as the founder of "Bitchin' and/or Facts" I cannot agree.
His moped not only sounded a bit on the janky side, he just didnt look natural riding. He was riding a moped and that was it. I dont think Im being biased by saying so. Its just THE FACTS.
Prettiest bike had to go to Uphill Battle Joe #420 (teal mags and red frame AW CUTE).

As a fellow Vespa admirer, I was intrigued and curious.
The more I thought of racing, the more I wanted to make Chip into my race bike.
Im comfortable with not only the frame but in general, comfortable riding the shit out of it.
But Travis and Phil have been trying to convince me that the Hobbit is the smarter, better version of the Vespa.

Lets stop talking about that.
And talk about how some people were born to wear leathers.

And some people were born to point out their muscles.

And some people were born to wear seafoam green.

Macro races are always fun.

And bunnies are always interesting because you NEVER know what theyre thinking about.

Also, dirt bikes are forever kickass.

Oh yeah and some people just want to play the shit out of D+D because its fucking cool.

Im ready for summer.

Bye now.
Lets meet back here soon.

Chackns and That Racing Fever

2010-04-12T08:40:00.000-07:00

OH SNAP. Ann got chackns and Travis won 1st.
That's all pals! Nothing more.
BYE NOW.

GAAAAAAD FINE GEEZ SLAP SLICE SLING SULK.

Okaaaaaaaay.

Well, since I am so dingdongdang boring, Ill talk about everyone else's fun and eggciting lives.

Lets start with Ann, as her name starts with an "A" and everyone's names do not.

ANN GOT CHACKNS.
Finally, after duking it out with her husband BOB, she won.
And she won 3 little chicks.

Skipper, Beetlejuice, and Gertie.
I got to name Skipper "Skipper" because it suited her personality and was also whispered to me by Beetlejuice.

That happened on Saturday and theyve already grown.
As their aunt I feel compelled to watch them, talk to them, and update them on whats happening in the world.

Already now, their wings have become more defined and have established relationships with each other.

Maggie is impartial to them.

Ive never held a chick before and even before that, didnt know you can buy chicks at the store.

At the feed store, they sold lots of dazzling accesories.

I wanted to run around and touch everything but I was being watched.

Anyhewdles, ANN found her 3 chicks, one by one.

Gertie! With her mealwormy feet! EW!

Hay girls WHY ARE YOU STARING AT THE WALL! DUMMIES! Kidding.
Youre too young to read my blogge (thats french for "blog").

And she died of excitement. But I revived her because I can. And she drove home as I watched the 3 chicks on my lap chirping and chirping and chirping.
Im glad they didnt barfs.
I am excited to watch them grow, and since they are growing so quickly, I wont pull my hair out waiting.

And then I made crackers.

And then SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!!!!!!!!

Race day at the PGPricks!

Travis and Phil were made to race each other.
Competitive like pros, pals before hoes (ESPECIALLY THE ONES AT KNOTTY BODIES RIGHT GUYS?!?!?!?!?!).

Nice form boys!

UHOH Phil needed a headstart.

And in the end, winner took all.
Including Phils head.

Cant wait for Portland for Weinerfest 2010 and LEATHER MONDAY today!

Ill still race one day but first I have to practice my winning face.

BYE NOW!

Finally

2010-03-30T17:11:00.002-07:00

I move not in ten months or six months, I move in one month.
I am scared and excited but more eggcited because a new home means new works, or a continuance of dormant works.
I dont know why I put things the way they are, but when I photograph them, to me, its as if they should stay that way or they were born into that position.
Also, all I can see in this photo is my ghost.

But here, I am clearly taking the photo of Linda.

New home, where are ye?

Celestial Advice

2010-03-17T16:41:00.000-07:00

I move in a month and a half. You can look at it like 1.5 or 1 1/2 or one hand open one hand closed. Or something like that.

Anyway, Im happy that Ill be living with my friend Kurt.
I mean wouldn't you be?

Not Karl since I HATE his guts. Anyhewdles. I am eggcite but also very worried that we wont find the right place. If thats the case, Ill be living with him, sleeping on his coffee table.

In other news, allergies are bullshit and are robbing the general happiness of most.
It's true. Not only am I mildly psychic, Im also REEEEEALLY smart.

Also, Ive been riding Otto 'round town.
The other day we rode on the Viaduct. It was equally lovely and frightening. One drastic mess could mean Jihee over the bridge. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESPLAT.

And a sad day for all.

Oh come on. I wont REEEEEEEEEALLY die.

I'll write more when I get a chance but in the meantime. Keep me on the tits.

But just as a friend.

Also, I joined a gym and teevee is sooooooo great.

TEWDLES!

Im As Old As Thee Internets

2010-03-03T15:36:00.001-08:00

My best pal JANNY sent me this.
Anything this precious she gets at work she'll eventually send my way.
I might get in trouble but maybe smothering her with hugs will spare my life.

Anyway, she's a magnet for dumb shit, cool shit, r'tarded shit, fun shit, lovely shit, colorful shit. Needless to say, she's full of wonderful shit and I can't wait for you all to meet her THIS WEEKEND.

OH HAPPY DAY!

Also, why are old people so angry all the time.
I can't wait until Im old. I will have a streak of white hair and be the main supporter of my grandkids pranks. Ill also hold peoples hands more. Ill also be a lot shorter. But thats ok. Ill just look 40 when Im 80. Good deal.

The Nazaroff's Are Awesome

2010-03-01T10:45:00.000-08:00

For the record, you should all know that I think Trina feat. Naz are awesome people.
Generous, kind and of wizard breed, they are incomparable. And good people to have a meal with. And my most fave married couple. SORRY MOM AND DAD.

Naz is guiding the way towards the resurrection of OTTO with Trina as moral support.
He's a really good teacher and helped me understand the Motobecane better, and helped emphasize the many strange qualities of this breed.
Finicky and tight-assed, it may be the only Motobecane I will ever own.

Here, take a gander at this.

1- This little nub used to hold the stock carb but it was getting in the way of everything. So we sawed it off in the style of "lumberjacks."

2- This little device is for the right pedal chain. The way it was positioned when it arrived at the shop was very odd, so Naz unscrewed it and we fiddled with it until we felt like the chain was in its proper place. Dumb French.

3- The SHA carb on there clipped the choke arm but Naz said not to worry. The dumb ass motor clipped it as we tested the swing distance. Putting the throttle and choke cables into the carb was a bit of a bitch, so Naz drilled the holes bigger so the knarps would slide thru. Hooking the knarps inside the carb was pretty fun. Maybe more fun than that dumb frustrating game PERPLEXUS.

4- The Dell'Orto SHA 15.15 carb (or as Naz calls it, "SHA") fit in nicely to the intake but like I just mentioned, the dumb ass swing clipped the choke arm. No biggie smalls. The carb came with a 68 jet. HOW NICE. When we tested the bike later, I had replaced it with a 78 jet. But when I changed it back, I found tiny dusted bits of rust. I thought acid cleaned it out but OH WELL. Hopefully a good fuel filter will help.

5- Heres a son of a bitch spring thats connected to the motor. The rubber mount that holds the screw in place was so gnarly so we replaced it with one that Naz had, thankfully. It was much better than the 2 I had. So we tried and tried for a long while to get it all to fit, and eventually, with enough vice grip magic, we got everything to slip in place. It was a bitch but we shut that bitch up.

6- As you can see, NO RUBBAGE betwix the pulley and the variator nubs. Originally, the two were grinding up against each other with every tiny pull of the throttle. And metal shards were spitting all over the place. But thankfully we were able to diagnose. He added another set of barrings, making it 3, and of a higher quality "FAG." I liked that he tested the swing distance many times to see if there was enough clearance for the motor. How nice.

7- This would be the wires to my tail light. Perhaps the last thing needed is the electrical work, which will happen in the immediate future. All I ever wanted was a nice tail light. But Im a little hesitant just because many of the wires have been rudely clipped. Oh well. Im learning. And thats the most important thing.

8- New motor mounts! Swings like butter! Unlike the pedals. Where Naz describes them as a "rusty butter." DEE-LISH!

9- The thing I really hate about the Motobecane is that you cant even get the spark boot off easily. Well, sure you can swing the motor back and then take it off but its just one of those things that are just fucking dumb.

10- Pegs will be the very last thing I put onto this bike. After it gets powdercoated by Phil, the father of Chip. Once the pegs are on, Ill be able to hop my babe on back and I'll know summer is here.

AwwwwwwwwwTTO!

Hopefully the electrical work, the new coils, and maybe even a CDI will get OTTO into tip top shape. Im going to keep my fingers crossed very tightly. Oh! And a new pipe (Naz suggested a mishmashed frankensteined Hobbit/Moby pipe) and a new seat. That BETA seat is GRODY! Just look at it! As Tim Burtonny as it is, its gross. Even a rat stopped gnawing on it cuz its just too dang gross.

GHOST WHEELIE!!!!!!!!!!!

Trina and I wondered if all these problems we're facing is because Otto just doesnt want to be resurrected.
Well I say NAY, HE SHALL AND HE WILL.

Thanks dudes. PREECIATE.

OH YEAH NAZ CAN PUT ON A GAZELLE TIRE LIKE PUTTING A DIAPER ON A BABY. Kinda.

Puberty: Part 1 & 2 and Facts In the Variety of HISTORY

2010-02-25T13:46:00.001-08:00

The other day, my nice hot lesbo doctor said I was going through puberty again.
Im not sure exactly what will happen after Puberty: Part 2 but if I could recall, and I will recall, my years shortly after Puberty: Part 1 were toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooootally awesome.
Maybe after Puberty: Part 2 my eggs will stop screaming to leave my bod.
Or maybe Ill even have a babers. EGGCITE.
But that wont happen for a while so SORRY ROM aka no. 2 MOM.

I guess its still winter in Sharka Weeka, WA but its new to me kinda.
Ive lived here for a year now!
Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

Travis and I read Boneshaker and decided that the Underground Tour would be appropriate and what an eerie dee-lite it was, esp with the help of brown treats from R-Na K-Mo.

Here are a few facts that I gathered during the tour, with the help of the aforementioned brown treat. Good Luck Jihee. THANKS.

1. Denny Hill became a hill thanks to this : SLUICING.

It took nearly 8 years of sluicing, which is basically hosing the shit out of some dirt and spreading it out all out developing layers and stretching land. NEAT!

2. Seattle was a shit hole.

Its true. Seattle old timey land maybe forgot to take into conseration this : TIDES. Hi-tide would come in and flood the shitter and then flood the streets of the business district. Shitters high in the hills would flush down towards the bay, but during hi-tide the water and the shit would collide into what I think DAVE, our monotone wonder, said was a 6x6 box. Or something. Regardless, this mighty town was a shithole. With shitty geysers. Literally. Basically think of it as the scene in the hit mid80s movie Goonies where "Troy Perkins" gets an atomic bomb of a shitstorm up his ass. Anyway, Seattle the shithole was saved by the great fire of 1889, charring the entire district, with flames so hot it buckled the rails. NEAT. It was their time to rebuild Seattle to what is now Shark Week. The End.

No one died! NOT SO GREAT ARE YOU, FIRE?!

3. The glass tiles youll see along the sidewalks, on 1st Ave, were originally a shit brown, of course, but the sun reacted to the manganese in the glass, thus making it purple. NEAT.

4. The underground was actually the base floor for the entire biz district. You would have had to climb up ladders in order to get to the shop of your choice. Up and down like a bunch of nomadic simpletons. I think this is what inspired Gary Larsen, a major Seattle celeb, to start his profound series, The Far Side. So much truth in one 2x3 comic strip. Anyway. As soon as they built the streets over the tunnels, the Bubonic Plague party began. Washing out all the hookers, rats, opium dens, bootleg DVDs merchants and hilarious nudee zine stands. No party is a real party even if its the Bubonic Plague party, without trashing the place.

Here is a mossed up wall from the underground. A real wall!

There are many more facts, but Im afraid youll have to pay me to continue the tour.
In the meantime, lets all try to visualize the drunks falling into the tunnels. Because they did. Because they COULD.

* * *

Proof that KAG loves JRK more than most things.

Also, last night, David Lynch sat out in my parking lot with his headlights on for 2 hours.

I got sick of watching him so I started to stare at other things.

Also, HURRY UP SPRING!

AAAAAAAAAAAND MAGNIFICENT TERROR ARRIVES IN ONE WEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!

Swimming In Caves, Ideas, and Health

2010-02-22T09:13:00.000-08:00

My boss just got back from a tiny island near Belize.
MUST BE NICE.

While he was away, I took care of the office turtle, Carmine.
Carmine is quiet. Though, when no one has visited her in a while, she'll excitedly knock against her glass jail, hungrily.
I spoil her when I can. Shrimp or salmon, she prefers the shrimp.
He came back with turtle friends for me.

My boss swam with turtles in the cenotes near the island.
Cenotes and caves set my brain into waterfall mode.
I have never been but someday it will happen as I love both exciting and frightening moments equally.

And recently, as in the last 2 hours, I have been fascinated with sinkholes.

For obvious reasons, of course.

HA HA.

Im pretty excited about an idea I have an idea I birthed just now just this very second. May I remind you all that goals are good. Still.

And in Health news, Im going to get better.
And fitter and stronger.
I pick up my bicycle tomorrow (which I will now ride to work I PROMISE I SWEAR!) and have, for the most part, become a pescetarian.
I suppose it has a lot to do with something my friend Jeff said a long time ago, and described meat as grizzly. Somehow it grossed me out. Which is hard to do since its near imposs to gross me out. TRY ME.
Im doing it for you Health, and because I love eating the shit out of fish/clebs. But not literally. Of course.

This Just In...

Amongst the words my mom cannot pronounce, such as:

-Fitzgerald
-Gerald
-Niagra Falls (The "Niagra" part, of course)
-Bulb (As in both "Light bulb" and bulbs you plant)

She pronounces "Thesis" SEE-SUSSUHS but only when she's not thinking of the word. I have proof as my sister called and forced her to say it. Mother got mad and just shouted SEE-SUSSUHSUH!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LIFE AS A KORN

Fragility; Overtime

2010-02-10T13:23:00.000-08:00

Often times I feel like a foreigner. I can visit conversations here and there but at the end of the day I am alone floating somewhere. Usually I know exactly where I am, at the Mismaloya pool at night surrounded by mountains and candle lit rooms, since electricity was thankfully unreliable. It was here where I floated on my back and witnessed a most surreal vision.

I must have been aligned with something out of this world, with such bulbous cumulus clouds in bright pale grays pregnant with air, acting as the moon illuminating anything in contact surrounded by mountains and so many mountains. I float there often and wonder if a photograph would get me there quicker. I cant find anything remotely close.

But then there are times I desperately want to remember, but suffocating in the months doldrums and wondering if I was ever there and not in some dumb pool.

Then there are days I am back in London, passing shops and smelling quickly. The sounds of the city made my feet move quicker than norm. I love that I am my father’s daughter, always quick on my feet and never getting too terribly lost, always finding my way back.

When London was fresher in my mind, I would picture myself in one location and map out the best and quickest way to get to point B. But at the end of the day I am usually back in Regent’s Park, at night, partially worried if the queen’s gate has been shut, and imagining climbing the gate, cuing the “plink” of the thick spikes. Ive been floating more and more, as I do monthly, trying to fight something but seemingly losing. I am nostalgic and missing familiar faces as you would be my immediate comfort especially still in a foreign town.

Maybe tonight I will be somewhere else. Maybe riding thru Munich, Vienna, or Antalya and back to Rome.

I believe my ghosts are still there. I should visit someday.

Right baby Jia?

Things I Think Are Neat

2010-01-22T16:15:00.000-08:00

1. Chip when he was borned

2. Bubble gum

3. Most things in biodomes

4. The magic of fire

5. Kart Bust as a baby

6. Evil twin day

7. Most video games (but not the ones that make me feel barfy)

8. Gliding

9. Fans

10. Proper use of rulers

11. Tongs

12. The Harp

Bitter Sweat I Mean Sweet

2010-01-18T15:36:00.000-08:00

WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Thanks to you it was a most excellent birthday.
I mean it. You sacrificed your health levels to celebrate with me!
I hope you are still experiencing the soreness of go-kart funnery, like I am, so youre reminded and dying to go again in a murdering spree kind of way.
And it was tiringly enjoyable introducing korn fud to most of you but I would do it again and again.
And a very smelly dance party only to make it more memorable.
Oh wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Thank ye thank ye I am such a lucky lucky gal.

In more rotten news, someone stole my debit card info and milked my monies dry.
The teets were tiny but they still managed to take everything down to the last drop.
Thankfully, the bank will be covering those funds but I still feel violated but in a not so sexy way. So, violated and frustrated? TOTALLE. Truly Powerless? NEVER!

And in more wilder news, I could be going to Haiti. WORKWHOSHALLNOTBENAMED has a solid working relationship with USAID (US Agency for International Development). Anyhewdles, WORKWHOSHALLNOTBENAMED has contacted the USAID Office of Infrastructure to offer our assistance. Getting a call from our HR guy to see if I have a valid passport made it even more legit. Who knows if and/or when Id leave but the opportunity is too outrageous (and wildly humbling, life-changing, maybe even epiphanous, if Im lucky) to pass up.

See you in 1.5!

OH GREAT

2010-01-14T08:49:00.000-08:00

For the last 2 days Ive been feeling really terrible, mostly because of my birthday, which is today (if you havent sent your presents by now I suppose by this weekend will do SIGH).
I am getting old.
I fear becoming an old mom.
I fear losing hair.
I fear the lines in my hands.
I fear never getting rid of my fats.
I fear turning into a troll.

But everyone has been so sweet already, even since 10pm last night (NOT MY BULSDAY YET), and well, now I am not fearful of today. I am thankful and lucky to be alive.

PLUS someone at work is trying to haunt me.
HAO DID MY HUSSSSSSBAND GET ON MY MONITOR?!

KAG + JAG Im wearing you both on my ears.
MISSEW.

ALSO HAPPS BEED TO ASH. ITS YR BIDET TOO YA KNOW.
SISTER SISTER

UPDATE!!!!

MY SISTER SENT ME THIS ASS CLOWN!
ITS TALLER THAN ME!
HOW THE HELL WILL I GET IT HOME!!!!!!!!

LOB YEW LITTLE TALLER SISTERG.

Fuck This Shit

2010-01-11T16:00:00.000-08:00

Im having a really crummy day.
But I will just say a few things.
I love learning card tricks.
I dont know many but I know one that Im very confident in.
I might film it tonight esp since I told Kristin I would.
My sister comes to visit in a few weeks. Then Janny too, in March.
This means a whole lotta retardedness in the near future. OH YOY.

Secondly, I think I love playing "Guess Who?"
Not the kids game where you go thru a monotonous process of elimination to guess who you are trying to guess (more fun when modified with nudie cards ie "Does she have dark areolas or light, as if blended into her tan skin?").
Something simplier like this.

Guess whos feet?

Cleaning/reorganizing/throwing out tons of shit and working on projects make me feel better.
I did that this weekend but got interrupted by Ralph Naddarr.

Im going go-karting for my birthday this weekend.
Ive never been. I hope I get whiplash and miss a week of work.
Heres the track its sooooo extreme.

I found the perfect portal.

Maybe a nice face mask will suck me out of this hole.

For your health, Jia.

Omazing Things You Can Buy While Flying On American Airlines

2010-01-07T15:43:00.000-08:00

Also, guess who's ready for Blood Drive 7?

Breathe In, Breathe Out And Let Us Begin

2010-01-04T14:37:00.000-08:00

Christmas has come and gone and what a bummer.
If only I can get gifts like these (my sister's child's nail clippings) fortnightly.

I had interesting flights to Chicagross then back to Seattle aka SlugBarf, WA.
There are only 3 parts to this story.

Firstly, I found a giant and a castle.

The castle was not on the plane but the giant was and at 8 feet tall, he was gentle as the plane did not crash when he was denied peanuts or as most asian people call it "peenus."
Thats the end of the flight TO Chicagoatse.
It was cold and wet and Jan and Kurt got to meet my sister Ron aka Rhotato Salad aka Rhanasaurus Rex.

Secondly, the planes were all being dee-iced. How dee-groovy.

And thirdly, an elderly woman, only speaking Arabic, needed her insulin shot. She needed assistance with her injection and because she was unable to communicate clearly, she frightened the flight attendants. But I was not scared. Earlier, this funny smelling woman and I had an exchange. Not a spiritual exchange but an exchange. An airport employee had rolled her to our gate. She mumbled and mumbled and as the employee walked away from her and her wheelchair, she dropped all her things: jacket, shawl, bag. With her defeated hands in the air, I picked up her things and handed them to her. She explained, in Arabic, and I pitied her maybe 26%. I am assuming she was saying the following.

Life is hard you know. Youre a young, spunky, smart, bright, beautiful girl. I was like you once. But look at me now. Confined to a wheelchair. With a cell phone dangling around my neck. What a fool I must look like. And I dont know what that smell is. Someone packed my bags for me. Now please. Please be a dear and roll me to McDonalds.

I walked away as our gate had changed.

Moments later, she was rolled to gate H8.
That's "hate" for those who are unable to add letters to numbers.

I was about to board the hate plane as my seat had not been assigned and I was getting warm (blood at a simmer).
I started to panic. I took off one of my jackets.
I paced I sighed.
JUST ONE MOMENT MS KIM WE WILL CALL YOU WHEN YOUR SEAT HAS BEEN ASSIGNED.

I watched groups 1-6 board the plane.
By now I was sweating and ready to scream.

And when there were only 7 people standing around, they called my name.
I was bumped to first class not because of my looks or because the flight was filled with families and they wanted to seat them together, but because it was Christmas night and American Airlines knew Travis was waiting for me impatiently or maybe a little patiently, dressed in his new leathers with flowers and baked Kettle chips.

So I boarded. And hot damn. Guess who was my seat neighbor!
She was already throwing a fit and the flight attendants were shouting DOES ANYONE KNOW ARABIC!!!. Apparently she had fallen face first. She was clearly overwhelmed and flustered. She needed her insulin shot and shouted MEDICINE MEDICINE. From our earlier encounter, I was able to identify her bag. From there she displayed on my chair (I was standing on the other side of the aisle) vials of insulin and needles. The flight attends were frantic. SOMEONE CALL THE COPS I CANT DEAL WITH THIS FOR 4 HOURS all while this woman was speaking to everyone in Arabic as if we all understood as if we were all nodding in unison. Poor woman.
The cops came eventually and escorted her out, promising a nights stay at the OHare Hilton, as it was already past her bedtime.

(Note: right photo is of alcohol swab + blood).

Immediately after she left, the flight attendants stripped the 2 seats (they were velcroed who knew!) and sprayed LYSOL everywhere WITH passengers sitting right behind.

I tried to keep happy thoughts in mind and not be annoyed and anxious.
Like how great it is that my sister and I are friends again.

And that you can bring your dog on the bus (in Seattle only as far as I know).

* * *

Mosquito Fleet needs a clubhouse.
I only wish it was here.

New years was the best.
I think the majority of Seattle enjoyed themselves in a chest beating sort of way.

Travis and I celebrated the first day of 2010 with hours and hours of lounging and Portal and Fable II and Castle Crashers and Domino's pizza. This is to wish us luck and success for this new year.

Then we celebrated new years again in the style of celebrating Ann's birthday.
We fondued the shit out of food and put our tiny Red to bed early as she was unable to stand. Happy birthday tomorrow Ann. Life without you would be a lot less exciting. And I actually mean that!

And in other news, we had our best game yet. 390 murdered!

This year I will finish many projects, move into a much bigger place with a yard and garage (I hope!), start running, ride in the Californe desert, learn how to not abuse money, travel more, read more, improve pranking skills, start thinking about dental hygiene school, and alert you earlier when Im bleeding. I do it for you, babe. Because I care.

Songs I Listened To In 2009 That I Can And Can't Believe I Liked

2009-12-31T08:23:00.000-08:00

This is it!
LIKE THE END OF THE YEAR YALL!

2009 is just about over and I am shocked just shocked!
So much has happened and the new year promises even more shocking disasters and mysterious rashes. OH RAPTURE!

But seriously forks.

Life without a home computer is hard.
I have a shit ton of photos I need to upload.
I have more abusive words to share.
And in due time it will all converge into a sordid mess.
Kind of like the day of my birth, which will be in 2 nail-biting weeks.
Go-karts!

But for now, before anyone starts pulling on my hoop skirt, Id like to share a few songs I listened to in 2009 that I can and cant believe I liked.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

HAR DEE HARRG

7.

WHATEVER I SAW IT FIRST IN 2009 WHATEVER WHATEVER I DO WHAT I WANT.

8. Oh gad. And forever forever in my small brain.

Now tell me.
What did you like in 2009?
Im listening fondly.

Also, Im sorry we all cant be together tonight but please know Ill think of you a couple times and wonder if youve yarfed yet.

2010 = T3∞³

Frozen Greetings and/or Thoughts From A Neighboring Future

2009-12-25T00:00:00.000-08:00

I am currently frozen. Everywhere.
And as every holiday season brings stress and fatigue (heart pains when I cough! What the SHIT?!) I know I should be lucky with what I have. And I am.
Im just ready to leave the midwest for something a little bit warmer.
And a little bit happier.

I am thinking of all the new faces in my life (+ JAN/KAG ∞²) and I am replaying your voices in my cold brain and I am excited and I am smiling.
Ill see you all soon.

And before I forget.

Merry Christmas now.

My new life harbors only the most exciting electric things and fantastic things to come in the future.
I have goals and dreams that, for the most part, have become clearer and most definitely attainable. Finally.
I have flushed the majority of my once toxic life and have begun unlocking forgotten emotions.
I am learning and believing again.
And I am surrounded by thee extraordinary.

My first year of this new life and I am speechless.

I made it.

I could sit and think about it for hours.
The emotions are comparable to laying on a vat of warm mashed potates.
And the light in my face would make every glass explode.
Hopefully in slow motion.

Here Here.
I am celebrating you now.

Apologies For Not Improving Your Daily Life, Daily

2009-12-14T14:44:00.000-08:00

Id be blogging every day if I could.
I know for a fact that everyone visits this blogge to boost their health levels to a near max.
And because Ive been blogging less and less these days, I apologize.
I apologize for not making your life better.
I apologize for this blogge for not making your every day the best day of your lives.

Please.
Dont cry.
I lay in this torrent of letters, threats and pictures.
Of how your lives have fallen to the perils of eternal darkness.
But fear not.
I will be able to blogge more and more as soon as I find the perfect raptop.

So until then, you may continue to send me your photos.
But please, please dont cry, die, listen to these on repeat (or do but only because of how wonderful they are), binge drink, thrash around like this kid, and/or lock yourself in that closet.

If you have fallen into despair please please I too am feeling the following regarding the lack of quality and quantity of these blogge posts.

Generally Speaking, Im Full of Spaz

2009-12-08T18:22:00.000-08:00

But its only because you turned my world upside down.

Love now.

Thank Ye

2009-11-30T17:00:00.000-08:00

Everyone, I am thankful for many things, things that I will now list until I feel like it.

1. Isabella Rossellini

2. The French Fry

3. Neon

4. Explorations In Space and Sea

5. Fashion

6. Learning

7. Linda

8. Michael Keaton In Most Films

9. Baked Ruffles

10. The Mash of Jeff and Eddies brains

11. Places Like Italy

12. Lomography

13. Craftsmanship

14. Fiber Optics

15. Glitter

16. My Grandparents Youth

17. The Mulleavy Sisters

18. A Proper Greeting and Goodbye Between Good Friends

19. The Power of Thread

20. The Weirdos of The World

21. Neil Young's Pitch

22. The Movies

23. Sharing Our Feelings

24. Soulmates

25. Korn Fud

26. Krazy Glue

27. Irreplaceable Shapes and Sounds

28. Soft Pansy

29. The Dictonary, Esp One On A Stand

30. Animals Who Share Their Views

31. The Awful Hen and The Man Who Introduced Me To Chip

+

32. Nature

33. My Sister Rhanasaurus Rex, Ronald or Rhotato Salad

I want to finish this later because I have something more important to talk about.
During the last few hours of our most excellent 23hr date, after a wonderful walk through the park and a run-in with a green ghost, Travis and I found something so spectacular, it could have only been a sign from Ganesh, Gomorrah, Goldeneye.

Tired and waiting for us, we discovered this hungry creature propped up against a tree.

When we found shelter, we checked to see if it was injured in any way.
And it wasnt.

IT EVEN CAME WITH A JERSEY! Right?

You can find our review here.

Needless to say, something someone was trying to reach out to us to tell us something, to share a bit of news.

And the news was good.
And we shoot. We score.

Thank ye, thank ye.

Here Comes The Judge and/or Remember Me?

2009-11-20T14:36:00.000-08:00

Brace yourselves.
Guess who's goin home in exactly one month?

THIS ASSHOLE!

I dont hate Chicago anymore.
I mean, to be honest, my first thought is "DIE."
But when I put more thought into it Im not yarfing or stabbing whatever is next to me.
After all, there are people I love who still refuse to leave the bunghole that is Chicago.

And of course, there are many other things, things that were rooted in me that will be me til the day I die.

Im going to try to list them all before my eyes go raw from all the visual carnage Im about to throw down.

Yeah I agree. Incomplete.
Ill have to think about this some more, as my mind is a blur currently, when I think about Chicago.
Also, maybe then would be a good time to reintroduce Chicago and take proper documentation of this old home.

And in other news, I dreamt we lived in a place like this.
But there was no roof. The trees acted as stand-ins and when the sky was clear we had them sway to the side. All we did was tap their branches and they moved over. Our books had more colors and reached floor to ceiling and a massive colorful wire sculpture stood guard in the corner. Lots of windows.

Remember me?
Im going to hug you so hard with this shirt on so you get it all over you, fage.

Also, remember when you guys came over and you had your first 4ko?
HIE BEN N ASH HIE!

Hie Ronald! Rodarte in ONE MONTH! THO EXTHITE!